This has been incredibly helpful. I also saw a councelor who added more perspective. What I thought was love for the OM may have been fog. Although it doesnt hurt any less not seeing him, I can definately see the madness and the illogical thought process.

I was swept up in the romance and sexual drama. Was there ever love, probably not. This doesn't mean that I dont care about the OM, admire him and have great sex with him but it never really had a chance to mature into a real relationship. This is not an option so I am going to stop treating it like it is one.

Unfortunately, I have broken the NC rule and emailed the OM to let him know I am telling my husband. Also, I have had to email him for work. I am seriously considering leaving my job so I can keep the NC rule. By the time I am ready to tell my husband I should be in a position to take another job if I need to do so.

In the last couple of days I have really looked at my husband and he is a wonderful, attractive, loving and devoted man. I am going to do what I need to in order to make this work.

So this is what I think I am going to do. Start depositing love credits with my husband, schedule a time that we can see the councelor together in the next 2 weeks and then tell him about the OM. From there I am going to hope he doesn't want a divorce and that he wants to work it out. I will offer to leave my job and devote myself to the relationship. At least this way, I will know I gave it all that I could and gave him a chance to really know what is going on.

Wish me luck...

Perspective is a wonderful thing. Even a few days makes a difference. I look over what I wrote 2 days ago and think I am already starting to see things differently.

Whatever happens with my H the one thing I am certain of is that a relationship with the OM is impossible.

I am not going to let my marriage just slip away into oblivion. I love my family. Also, he is committed to his relationship. He is worried about endangering the future of his relationship with his wife. He loves her very much and doesnt want to lose her and knows this was a mistake. While we have broken the NC rule I think that we are both committed to keeping the distance that we have established.

I have decided to tell H, am going to try to make it work.

Doesn't mean that this doesnt still hurt, that I don't want to just run away to an island somewhere with OM and hide out from all this, but it is bearable. Those feelings are diminishing by the day and reality has set in.

This is life and I guess you make your bed, you lie in it. I know I will get back to a good place with my husband. Good sex, a friendship, a great relationship ware all possible if I just let them happen and am honest with him about who I am, how I am feeling and where I have been.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good sex, a friendship, a great relationship ware all possible if I just let them happen and am honest with him about who I am, how I am feeling and where I have been.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes it is, but don't make the mistake of so many others that this is something that should be swept under the rug. BOTH of you need a marital plan of recovery to heal and to develop the above. Counsel with a marriage oriented professional like Steve, Jennifer Harley, and Penny Tuppi(from saveyourmarriagecentral.com).