Yesterday was a really weird day. My husband did not call and my kids didnt really care. I thought about him all day long. Before I went to bed I was praying and I asked god to show me what to do. I went to sleep and at midnight my cell phone rang and it was him. He was civil and asked me how I was. I asked him how he was, he said he was having a hard time. We talked for about 10 minutes and he said I really just need a hug. I told him I would give him one. We met at a gas station and when I pulled up, he got out of his car and was at my door before I could open it. I didnt say a word I just held my arms out and we held each other for about 3 minutes.

He asked me if I wanted to see his apartment and I said yes ( I need to know where he lives) I also took this as an opportunity to speak with him alone.

We got back there and we talked along time about our kids and what it is doing to them and to him. He was crying and saying he didnt know how to fix it with the older boys. He was also scared that our 3 year old was forgetting him.

He asked me to lay down with him and hold each other like we used to and I did. We talked for about an hour and then one thing led to another. I asked him if this was what he wanted and he said yes. There were no words of love or reconciliation, just him and me. When he walked me to my truck, I told him I was glad he called me and he said he was glad he had made the call. He also looked me in the eyes and said that I was still the only one he has had sex with.

This morning he called me ( I had already said I wasnt going to call him) and I was very surprised. We talked about what had happened last night and I told him that right now I just dont expect anything from him.

Was I wrong? I really am not expecting anything from it. I know that he has to sort his feelings out. He has never been able to stop his emotions towards me in bed, so I dont know.

Any ideas? In a way it made me feel good to know that if he was "in love" with her, then why is he calling me.... I dont know.

Sounds to me like your doing a good job of just being there.Letting him come to you,letting him call you, letting him know you love him but as of yet expect nothing from him souonds and feels like you are being taken advantage of I know this for a fact but HOLD UP Im not saying you are. In my case I was so shell shocked I was unable to be vicious. LOL>>>It was slow at first asking if he could by, a hug here and there talking about the kids, talking about taking things slow. In my casae it worked. You are the woman he fell in love with many years ago. Let him know you love him let him know you want him to be happy but at the same time you move forward doing for yourself.
As for the oldest ones. Its hell honey, no way around it..Hubby has alot to prove. They have lost trust and respect for someone who was a part of the center of their world. He has to earn it back. Gently remind his is their dad no matter what. And th esame goes for him. He needs to be there when they call, pay support. Beleive it or not these are things they are watching for...I cant tell you if this is right or wrong.I know pushing and Lbing wont help. Only gets everyone real emotional. What are your truew feelings on things? Do you feel good about things so far?

My god, you and I sound like we are married to the same guy. Thats what he did last night. He said he needed a hug and when we met there were no words just a huge hug.

My feekings on this... I dont know. Right now I am just taking it one day at a time. I was VERY surprised when he called me this morning and I did not expect it. My youngest son called me about an hour ago and told me that his dad had called and told him that he was coming to visit tonight.

I just pray that he makes it right with these kids. I asked himlast night if knew what "the problem was" not her, but the reason he turned to her and all he could say was he wasnt in love.
I also asked him if he misses me and he said sometimes, I asked him if he misses home and he said no. I am not sure though if he doesnt miss it because of what is going on. He did tell me again last night that I was a good woman and he knows that I will make someone very happy. So I dont know how to take that. I know that if he was just looking for a release, he could have gotten it somewhere else or taken care of it himself.

He knows that I love him.. I did tell him that last night, so maybe he has something there. I feel like he still loves me, but he just isnt in love with me and he thinks that is not normal to feel. ( He has said that)

As for the children, I told the 2 older ones that he was coming and that I explained to Dad how they felt. (hurt, angry, trust is blown, etc.) Dad knows that he has a long road in front of him to rebuild that relationship. I also told them that in no way did I expect for them to suck up or anything and that if they didnt want to see him they didnt have to. They have so much built up towards him that he has to face and i will do what I can to help "bridge" it, but I will not fix it for him.

So at this point I have no idea what to expect or think. Then my councelors appointment was canceled and re-scheduled for next Monday, so that bummed me. I really needed to try to understand some of this.

O please dont say we could be married to the same guy.With my luck we would be! Just kidding...

The one thing I asked mine was what was the difference between loving me and being in love?
All the while I was talking in a calm voice, telling him things like what I had dreamed for us, hat if he thought I still got giddy when he walked in a room everytime he walked in he was nuts, but I gues mine was a deeper love because when I used to look at him I saw someone I trusted with everything, loved with all my heart and who gave me the most precious 2 gifts I could receive my kids.I asked him didnt he ever think I had times in the past hat I wanted to run like heck and leave em all behind and see what I was missing? But I never did because I knew it was a silly notion to think there was better out there, tha tI thought I had all I needed. That out of all the men I knew he was the last I would have thought to do something like this. That I hoped he found what he was looking for, that I loved him enough that I wanted to be happy but I knew with everything I had in my heart this ow would destroy him. I told him I hoped he knew what he was throwing away, that there was even a part of me tha thoped he would change his mind before i hated him.Because I was scared that emotion was coming. he was my bestfriend and I think tha twould be one of the biggest things I missed.The whole tim eI was telling him these things and bearing my heart I was crying and even laughing,but I was doing it calmly, I was at a point where I thought I was going to move on no matter how hard, an dhe broke. But once he broke I hugged him told him I loved him but it would take time. Its a daily struggle and I do get down, and my oldest is giving us both a run for our money.She is very very angry.But I do see some light.

I wish you luck let me know how its going im interested to find out if this is really what he wants or if he thinks he has no other choice since so much has happned...

Well then youngest son was wrong. When I got home I asked him again what his dad had said and he told me that he said he would be seeing him later, but he did not say "today" as my son had said before. So that could mean anything.

I spoke to my husband today and he was saying he isnt feeling well, (bad hamburger). I was thinking yesterday about my EX-friend. One thing that kept coming to mind was that she kept insisting to me that we should stop having sex, bacause it was too emotional. See, my husband couldnt shut off his feelings then. He might tell me he didnt love me, but in bed, love was there.

For her that was a BIG threat. With him out of the house, he cant do that everynight.

After what happened Sunday night, I just dont know what to do next. Words of love were not spoken but it was the same. This inner voice is telling me that I need to be in his bed. He did tell me that he wasnt in love with me, but he did not deny that he loves me. So thats where my confusion sets in.

This is so confusing for me. I want to believe him when he tells me he has not had sex with her but realistically I just dont think that he is telling me the truth.

He is so torn about the kids. He says that he worries about me. So I have no clue.

I understand.Believe me I do. After the last few days with my oldest Im ready to scream..She has decided she is in love. But this boy treats like crap. He has cheated on her with ws's ow kid. What a mess. He is sexually active with this other kid but not mine which is one reason he broke up with her. When I try to explain to her she is opening herself up for a lot of pain int he futire she tells me you forgave dad...
Your husband needsz to see what he is doing to you an dkids. You have to be honest about that, sounds like he does care about that aspect even though ow has a hold on him.

Well this is really turning into a Jerry Springeer episode.

Yesterday my ex friend used a check she had written me in november for $350 (labor on her car) and has apparently had her bank go back and get the money. This is the 2nd time it has happened. The first time was in February, and it caused us major money problems. My bank officer thinks she signed an affidavid saying it wasnt her signature, so they are investigating it.

Of course then my mind starts clicking...

Our financial problems started in february with her check. She started contacting my husband for work on her sons car... Now to get my attention she is zinging it back to see if I will jump his ***.

I am seeing just how evil she is. My friend thinks she planned this and has hated me for years, and knowing that money problems would cause friction, she used it. I know it seems crazy but it makes sense. I just dont know if HE knows/new about it.

Then I have another freind verify his apartment and it is in her name. She has made sure that he is completly co-dependant on her. Honestly, I am scared for him, because I dont think he fully understands what evil is surrounding that relationship.

He did call me this morning, it is becoming a morning ritual and I didnt say anything about what I have found out to him. I did ask him if he really meant it the other night when he was saying how soft my hair was, and he said yes.

The only thing that bothers me is that yesterday morning, I extended a olive branch and asked him if he would like to stay with our 3yr old at our house Thursday while me and the boys go to counceling. Now knowing what I learned, I really dont feel like he will keep her there and I feel like he will take her to his house where SHE will be there.

I am freaking out becasue I dont know what to do... Any ideas????

Tell your H, that you do not what her around the kids at this time. Tell him that for you it would be very disrespectful.

Maybe others have better ideas.

Whew looks like our ow could be one and the same too...too scary...calmly let him know its not a good idea for her to be around the kids right.Does he know about the things she has and is doing???If so you could tell him in light of whats been going on you would prefer her to stay away from kids...To confusing...Funny how all this can happen then people tell you what kind of friend you had isnt it?I am so sorry your dealing with all this.It sucks to no end but you sound better if nothing else.
Sounds like she is controlling him. Hopefully he will get his head outta his *** and see it.

Controlling isnt the word for this. She has made sure that he is completly co-dependent on her. Her apartment, electric, etc. I feel that he is also putting his check into her account.(I am not getting any of it). He is coming tonight to watch our daughter while me and the boys go to counciling and I am scared that he will take her around the friend. He has called me every morning this week. This morning he was his old self when I answered and he said something that he used to say to me when we were close. The only thing that he "stumbled" on was when I had told him that I needed him to be there before 6:00 and he goes "I am going to go straight to the house after work, I mean straight to your house". Its like he is trying to correct himself, that this is not HIS house anymore.

A friend told me that if I just back, keep doing what I am doing, gain his trust that the truth will rise to the surface. I just think she has snowballed him so much he will not see it.

My anxiety level is soooo high right now. I cant sleep, and all I think about is what is going on.

Sweeie, you are handling things well. There isnt realy a right or wrong way to go about all this mess. I mean realy all of it is so messed up.

In his correctting himself about the house he is making like he is a visitor there,my ws did the very same thing. I would slip it in it was our huose not mine .

Snowballing isnt even close to what the ow does.She is workinghard and very possibly messing up the harder she manipulates. Im no expert and cant offer advice I can only tell you what I did, experience for me was no lb'ing and that is a hard! I didnt have a clue that was what it was. I didnt know I was following any sort of plan. Until I saw this site at a very low time. Who knew that doing what I felt was right, remembering what it was that made us so special in the beginning,and realizing that I to made mistakes and admitted them in the open.Another hard thing.I m ean who wants to admit they are wrong? Prayer is something I relied on heavily!
I have read many scriptures on every subject, I mean who knew all the things my mom was teaching me growing up was actually written somewhere?
To be loved as one desires they should be loveable. Iw asnt always, stress fromt he job, life in general and being around people I knew wasnt good for my life (ow) made me somewhat of a grouch., I admit this now, not easy, but I do, I still have times I would love to snap at something said but I dont, I simply write it and burn it. Once something leaves your mouth you cant take it back. Go to counseling, vent,find strength inside yourself,its there or you wouldnt be working so hard.
Good luck, IM thinking of you and your family...

I heard this song and thought of me and you...
Thought I would write you the lyrics..
Fighter
Christina Aguilera

when I, thought I knew you
thinking,that you were true
i gues,i couldnt trust
cause your bluff time is up
cause Ive had enough
You were ,there by my side
always down for the ride
but your,joy ride just came down in flames
cause your greed sold me out of shame,mmmmhm

after all the stealing and cheatting
you probaly think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh oh no your wrong
Cause if it wasnt for all that you tried to do
I wouldnt know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna thank you

chorus
Cause it makes me a that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
made me learn a bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

ohhh

never saw it coming
all of,your backstabbing
just so,you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard,your going around
Playing the victim now
But dont even begin
Feeling im the one to blame
Cause you dug your own grave

after all the fights and the lies
yes ou wanted to harm me but that wont work anymore
uh,no more,oh no, its over
cause if it wasnt for for all your torture
I wouldnt know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna thank you

Repeat the chorus

After all the lies said about me, harm to me and my hits emotionally and mentally I heard this song and I thoguht of OW but not in the usual way. I even smiled to myself because its true, Ill never give up on me or my h. I am stronger, I am wiser,I am the figheter!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That was great!

Well my husband blew the olive branch right off the tree last night. As soon as we left for counseling, he took our daughter to the park and met HER. When I got in, he was in our room in our bed laying down with our daughter and she looked at me and said I saw Adriana. I said OH YEAH??? Boy he couldnt get up fast enough and hit the door.

So I called him and met him for lunch today and I told him that I personally dont care anymore. (I do) and that what I am more disappointed in is that he again lied and blew what litte trust I had in him to be with our daughter alone because of her. I went on to tell him that our kids need him however, in order for him to be a part of their life, he has to put THEIR NEEDS above his. And if he could not do this then he needs to let me know. I explained that they have to have the security and trust in him that he will not put them in a position where she is there when he is with them.

I also told him I loved him, but I NEED to move on with my life and start having some ME time. That I no longer am Danny's Wife, I am now me.

While I was saying all this he was trying to turn it on me, but I held my ground and kept telling him "I Feel" this, that, etc.

I kinda used his own words on him " your a good woman, you have a good heart, your beautiful both inside and out, and I know you will make some man a very good woman" I said your exactly right and it is time for me to begin my life, because right now I am still in the same situation, same house, same job, same thing at night, the only thing missing was him and that wasnt fair to me ... he picked his burger up and was shaking... it wasnt anger, I think it literally shook his world that I was saying this.. I told him that I loved him but it was time to let go of that world.

I also told him that if he thought that I had expectations about the other night that he was wrong and that I knew what it was... that we both needed each other in a way that she could not give him and that was ok.

I told him to do what he needed to do.. go ahead file and to "let me go".. he was freaking out. He Started saying I cant afford an attorney, blah, blah, blah. I just said look you cane have your cake and eat it too.

Basically S*** or get off the pot!!!!

It was very hard for me, becasue I dont feel that way, but I had to let him know... no more manipulation, no more lies, no more deciept.

Oh, on a funnier note.... He had left his brush when he left, and I use it now, I put it in a different place. This morning, I go to get it, and guess what?? Its in the place HE USED to put it. I just laughed...because I know that he cannot let go either.

I just want to BOB him on the head and say ENOUGH!!!

I have been following your story and I wanted to tell you that I think what you did was great. He needs to see a strong you, not a weak and broken you, right now. The OW (no longer your friend, I have some choice words I'd like to use for her...) will start to LB all over the place, just you see. She will still be insecure when it comes to you, and will try to keep you guys apart.

I LOVE how you used reverse fog talk on him, that really gets 'em going. Keep telling him you want out, everytime she does something he doesn't like he'll be thinking he's not so sure about this new R and he's about to lose you. It will shake his world up.

Best of luck to you, I'm definitely rootin' for ya.

You go girl!!!
I know its hard, but I honestly stand by the tough love approach after a period of time. I to told mine I had to move on, that I loved him enough to want to see him happy but he had responsibilities to the kids. Not me, I wanted to live a little, be me, find out if I could be happy again after the mess my life had went. SO things came out in the wash. Its a tough road dont get me wrong, Ive had a down weekend due to nothing but triggers but Ill pick myself up and dust my tail off and smile and look at the good.
Im proud of ya. It was hard I know but you cant continue to be the door mat. Keep me updated, Im hoping and praying ou are moving to a new direction and the goofball will remove his head from his tail. But I can tell you ow will begin a whole new venue of attack. Be ready, be strong, you sound so much stronger since you r first message. Keep reading keep praying and keep loving.

Thanks for the support.

This weekend was a real test for me. My husband had told my son that he would give him some money for a game he wanted this weekend. Well Saturday evening, he stillhad not called so my son paged him.. still no response, so he calls HER cell phone and asks for his dad. He then confronts his dad and asks him if he was still going to get him the game. Dad says yes, he will do it tomorrow. I then get on the phone with him (we had some fence damage and he is suppose to fix it before the city issues a ticket) I ask him some questions about it and then I ask him whats the plan with the son/game. He then tells me he has no money, so in the background the b****, starts running her mouth, saying "tell her I will give you the money" I went OFF. I told him she needed to shut up and this was between us, she she just kept going. He wouldnt tell her to shut up, so I hung up on him. He called back and the son answers and he tells his dad to tell her to shut up (she is still running her mouth) sinally after about 5 minutes, she shut her yap and my son and husband finished the conversation.

So he comes over yesterday, I asked him to come into our room, that I wanted to talk to him. We sit on our bed and I tell him I am sorry for yelling AT HIM, that he wasnt yelling at me and I should not have took that out on him. I then tell him, that she is a trigger and he needs to get ahold of her and that she needs to understand that only he and I are the parents and that in no way will she ever have a say so. He tells me he knows and that he had already talked with her (yeah right). I then go on to give him his fathers day cards and he reads the one from the kids. I give him the one from me and he reads it. I had put a letter in there, nothing mushy, just telling him that he was a good father and with time I know he will get it back. I also tell him that I am proud to have his children and I regret that we will not be able to raise our daughter together as we planned. I close it with I love you.

When he gets to the end, he kinda chokes back tears and puts it in the pile with the other cards. I asked him for it back, because I dont want it destroyed, he says he wants it. He promises me he wont destroy it and I tell him I know he wont, but if she finds it it will be. He says he keeps my letters at his office.

So he stands up and hold his arm out to me and says "come here and hug me", I do and he leaves to get the game. My son says that in the car he has her phone and it is ringing. Its her calling him. I see what she is doing... Why cant he? She wants to make sure he spends as little time as possible with us.

When they come back he helps download it and as I am walking him out he thanks me again for the cards, and as he is driving off he is breaking his neck looking back and waving at me.

I just dont "get" what it is that he wants from me. 90% of the time, I say he is being nice because I havent gone after him financially, the other 10%, I think, maybe he just doesnt know how to get out of it and he wants to come home.

My friends say that I need to go ahead and file for child support, in Texas you dont have to be divorced and can file through the attorney generals office.

What do you think?

He does need to be hld responsible for the kids welfare.
Thats my opinion not advice..LOL..Money si touchy with me..Apparenttly wo seem tot hink they are getting a gold mine...LOL what a joke.
Personally i think your reactions are not only normal but good, you are seeing when you react in a bad way and making it right. Once again my opinion not advice Im sure others think Im nuts.
If Ive heard once I heard a million times that I was to nice to sweet to much of a door mat.
But this is what I saw and you tell me if you feel differantly.
I saw a man I had shared my entire life actting in a way I could not believe. Much of my reactions was hurt and shock. It was alomost like I was broken . Then I couldnt bring myself to be mean to him because I knew deep in my heart if he continued on the path he was on he would be destroyed. I am a strong believer in you can love someone but not like them very much. Odd isnt it. But I didnt like the person he said he was 'growing into" I didnt like his actions, and there were times I hated him with a passion that glowed in the dark! But always way back I knew I loved him and he was the father of our kids.
I also started to see where in the past I did alot of love busting. So I worked on changing me.
You cant change another person but you can change yourself and how you react to things.
There were even times he asked me about my reactions and I would be honest and tell him I didnt like him very much for the things he had done but I did love him.
If you are loveable people tend to love you and that was something i lost sight of for a while due to many things. i asmit the things I did wrong. Hard as it might be I do. But nothing justified his actions, but forgiveness is something you will have to find. And once he knows one day you will forgive him for not so much what he has done or for him but for yourself, you have to for yourself. You dont have to agree with what he has done or how he does it.
Do nothing out of spite and all things out of love , this is a man you will have to deal with for the rest of your life due to kids.
You do what you have to to secure your kids future, let her be spiteful not you. Thats not you as a person, you seem to be a kid heart, let that be your strength. Once again my opinion not advice. If I knew everything and did it the right way I gues I wouldnt be here would i?

Are you sure you and I arent sisters??? LOL

Thats the way I feel about him. This person is not the man I married. He is still there and I see glimpses of him from time to time. I know in my heart that this was not something that he went looking for. And I will bet that if he knew how to get out of it and fix everything he would, but he is weak and cant do it.

I spoke to her exhusband today and he filled me in on things about her that I never knew nor imagined. He said that she is evil and he has no doubts about anything she does. He informed me that she had been having affairs for a very long time. There were at least 3 in their marriage alone and he isnt sure about the paternity of their youngest son. He feels that the boy is actually a friend of his, as he favors this person and not him. I know this person to and actually he DOES favor him. He also told me that she aborted his foster brothers baby.Her ex paid for it but it wasnt his...This woudl explain now why when these 2 are in a room they do not acknowledge each other.

He told me stuff that made me see just how evil she is and I am serious I wonder just how into this MY husband is and how the hell to get him to understand the depth of her capablities. Her ex was telling me stuff that made my head spin. He said that she had gone as far as to use MY NAME 13 years ago working for a travel agency and she was issuing tickets in my name and taking them to the airport and cashing them in. He said it was thousands of dollars... I feel like I am going to get sick...

I know that if I tried to sit Danny down and tell him this he would not believe me and that I was making it up. I am truly worried about him and for his safety....

My lord sister where have you been????
To many things ring close to our situations.
Way to many.
I mean she didnt use my name which would tick me off to no end.
I did let my ws know the things I found out.
But I didnt mean to ya know.?
We were sitting in "our" room, and I was telling him I culdnt go on, it was killing me piece by piece daily. I gues the timing was right, I just let it all spill, and I told him I knew he wouldnt believe me when asked why I hadnt said anything before, I also told him to feel free to dig on his own find out for himself. What he found made him sick.
At taht time I had come to a place where i was going on and getting the divorce myself, his mother intervened some, let him know what was going on and we went to counseling, at the time it was ahuge waste of my time, but in time it has helped. Our pastor was a great help. Here was this man our age who talked to ws like a human being and didnt judge jsut let him know what he was doing was wrong, and yes he got angry with him at one point when it continued, but let him know then he loved him as a brother in christ. THings are not 100 percent.And there are parts of me that wonder. Sned your email addie and Ill send you the full version. Maybe from my own personal hell you can take something anything and run with it....

I think that today I truly feel fear. I am so scared for him, but also for our kids.

My inlaws have basically said from the beginning they dont want to get involved. I dont even tknow if they would listen to what I know. He will have no contact with our friends, so I have no one that could go to him with the information that I have about her.

My email address is <cmoore@lakelandmktg.com>.

This is strange, the parallels between you and I and our story. I feel like I am getting stronger, but at the same time I know that every day that he is gone, she gains more of a hold on him and that frightens me to death.

When it is just him and me talking, it is like we are still an old married couple, and I love those conversations. The only thing is that I dont know if he is just being nice for a reason or if he is acting this way because he wants to.

I did file for child support benefits today, our state does not require a divorce, as long as you are speparated. So I am sure he will hate me in 6-8 weeks when we go infront of them for benefits. I just cant do it by my self anymore. Since he left I have had to pay for everything and since she messed with my account, I am 600 plus in the hole. So he is going to have to help.

I just wish he would LISTEN to me.... He knows me and he knows that I NEVER lied to him.

I feel like I am in a movie of the week or something.