For those of you who are worried about LULU....she did send her Plan B letter and she is struggling with trying to find a job and make the meager amount of money she has left last as long as possible. It is a very scary and sad time for her...but she is holding up well and doing her best to keep her head above water. I am so impressed by her courage and the seriousness of her self examination. She knows the part she played in this scenario and is trying hard to change those things. She is a special girl with more determination than you can imagine. She has had no contact with her husband, but she still hopes he will come home. Please keep her in your prayers.

Lulu--
Saw a post from you on the MB concepts thread over on EN. It sounded like things were going better? How are you?

Kathi

Hi everyone,

I'm doing okay...life goes on. Actually, I'm really loving Plan B, even though some days are difficult, I've been focusing on things I've wanted to do for a long time.

I'll post more later...just wanted to thank everyone for their concern and let y'all know that I'm okay...and pretty far from okay all at the same time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Lulu,

How's the new job going?

Oh wow! I've been so busy.

I love this new job! I'm working downtown, not far from my apartment in a really nice building. My coworkers are all really sweet. There's really nothing to complain about. My job is pretty straightforward accounting stuff. I used the same software at my previous job, so the learning curve isn't too stiff.

Im interviewing for a second job tomorrow. I'll be working all the time! LOL! But, I need to save for a car because the fees in California are going up next year.

I take classes three nights a week too...so I'll have to do homework and stuff when I can. It's okay though - I'd rather have money.

All things considered - I'm doing pretty well. It's just me and my little dog. There's food in the fridge, the bills are paid, I've got friends and family and plenty of stuff to keep me busy.

Thanks for asking. How are you doing? Heard your H got a permanent job...does that mean you can have a baby now? You've already got the house...

Yeah, Kash got a permanant job offered to him by the CIO yesterday. That's pretty awesome. We need to get our finances in order to move forward with a baby, though. I'm ok with letting our marriage get stronger for a while longer, too.

Maybe I should turn my finances over to you? It's stressful, and Kash isn't very good at it. Is that a male thing, do you think?

I think I ought to start my own business organizing other people's financial stuff. LOL. I always wanted to be a financial planner - but was more interested in helping people budget and get their house in order - not selling them a bunch of mutual funds and life insurance policies.

I'd be more than happy to help you get organized and streamline your financial stuff. I know you make enough...but maybe you're just lacking the system to keep it in order???

I'm not suggesting you two start "practicing" right away! Hahaha. Parenthood is a huge undertaking. I've read some freaky statistics that say that most affairs happen while the W is pregnant or the kids are really young. I guess the stress of no sleep and no sex causes some men to wander. That was always my biggest fear about having children - that my H would leave me for another woman, and I would have to figure out how to support myself and a baby or young ones at home.

...At least wait the month or so when his benefits kick in. LOL. I think you'd be a great mom - I hope you guys can start making your little tribe soon.

I've read statistics about affairs when you are pregnant. I'll admit it does give me pause. I wouldn't want to be divorced before the baby is born. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Why don't you start your own business? I think you are very capable.

I would love to start my own business - I'm just not there yet. I'll be better prepared to start my own business in a year or two.

Those statistics are at the heart of my fear of having children. I remember watching a special on HBO. It was called "Hookers at the Point" or something like that. The investigative reporters wired the prostitutes for sound to record their conversations with the johns and they filmed the entire scene from far away to give the johns anonymity. I recall that several of the johns, when asked why they had come to the prostitute for "service" explained that either their wife was pregnant, or just had a baby, or had young kids at home and their wife was too tired for sex.

Come to think of it, those statistics just add to my personal experience. My mother and father divorced when my brother and I were very young. I was no more than 6 or 7 and my brother wasn't even 3 yet. My dad remarried a couple later - a woman whose own children were grown and out of the house. My dad got us kids for the fun stuff - Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. He didn't have to worry about the hard stuff - grades, teacher conferences, colds and flu, homework, etc. That sort of left me with the message that men don't want the responsibility of children - they want a wife who will be their playmate and who aren't strapped with the responsibilities of kids.

Really, I like kids and I think I would be a good parent. I know my way around a nursery. I get all teary eyed when I see chick flicks that end with marriage and babies and a dog and stuff at the end, thinking I'm too afraid to have those things, besides, it's just Hollywood. There's always been that little thing in the back of my head saying, "Do you want to be married? or do you want to end up divorced and poor and stuck trying to support yourself and your kids and find decent childcare?" So, of course I'm going to pick the one that sounds more fun. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Besides, it so much easier to tell yourself and others that you really hate kids and don't want any instead of admitting to yourself that you're not confident that your marriage is strong enough to pass that test.

In the end its just my own issues, and I'm working on them. I realize I can't go through life expecting the worst and being afraid of my own shadow. I've got to make my own miracles.

<small>[ September 13, 2003, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: *LULU* ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Do you want to be married? or do you want to end up divorced and poor and stuck trying to support yourself and your kids and find decent childcare?" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hear that voice, too. In the end, it comes down to trusting my H. The trust is being rebuilt, but it's not quite to that level, yet.

Yeah, that is hard. Not only do you have to trust your spouse to do the right thing when they are by themselves, but you have to trust that they will tell you when something is wrong or bothering them.

It's hard to rebuild trust too - because life gets in the way. You're tired and don't want to have a "state of the union" discussion or you just let stuff slide. Next thing you know, you've got full blown resentment and anger and you're in the middle of a fighting match with your one true love.

With kids around - the daily little responsibilities seem to multiply exponentially. There is less time to check in with each other and make sure you're "on the same page."

<small>[ September 13, 2003, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: *LULU* ]</small>