hey,

I hope you are feeling better. Did you tell your BW to come to this site? She can vent here.. just like you do. I mean, most of us here are BS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Although you are in the other hand of the stick, there are a lot of WS that do not feel any remorse or care about their BS. I think you are doing great, and I'm glad you told your wife... but also got tested. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thank you. And yes, your wife shouldn't be beating you. I felt like doing it, but I held back hehe.. but anyways I hope you two can feel better in a couple of weeks,... I'm going on two months soon... of D day and there ups and downs.. and lately my WS is going down with deppression and is losing all hope in life. OKAY.. but see it is normal that she reacts the way she did.

Hugs..keep us update.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really need it right now. It's 8:30pm here and she just woke up. Been sleeping all day. I fixed her something to eat and took it to her in bed. Hopefully she can sleep tonight.

As to her posting here, she has a thing about computers. She HATES them. She hates me being on it too, and is why I am cutting this short. Hopefully, I can get her to another session with our pastor and maybe to ALANON this week.

Please be praying. I see a long uphill climb, if we're even able to make it.

Thanks,

Id,

The road to recovery comes in 2 forms:

1. Personal recovery which you have full control over.

2. Marital recovery which require the cooperation of both you and your W.

Give the above, realize that your W is angry. Part of the 5 stages of grieving a BS goes through. Her angry bouts though are dangerous and you need to let others know her physical attacks on you and how she is placing your children in the middle of it. She is not using her common sense here.

Do you have an MC? Can you do some phone counseling with Steve or Jennfier? I would do that ASAP. Domestic violence should not be tolerated either way.

Let her know she has a right to be angry but how she shows that anger is important. Her current conduct has put her in jeporady with the law. Let her know that as the spouse in error, you know you have to mend your ways and that you are working on it.

If she won't post here, let her read what some BS are going through and let her see that her WS (now H, right?) is farther along on recovery than most and that is something she needs to be grateful for. If she is not, then she must do what she needs to do but NO violence.

While I don't advocate separation it may be necessary if her angry outburts continue to happen. She needs to reconcile with her anger.

There is a post about the 5 stages of grieving. If I can find Redhat, he has the link to that thread.

See if you can get ahold of the book, His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. It is vital you both read it. Together or separately, just read it.

As for Bog's comment, well to say the least it was uncalled for since it is was not constructive or supportive. Bog, what is your current status? Please share, you sound like you have a lot of anger still inside.

take care,
L.

Thanks for the input. I have an appoitment this morning with our pastor. We've had a couple of counseling sessions with our pastor and another pastor who was recommended by a crisis organization. They both have given us scripture to read and conselled us to pray with each other. We have been doing this, but she has gone deeper into depression. She did mention that she just needed to vent to somebody, just to get out her hurt and feelings. Neither session has allowed that and I as well agree that she needs to vent. Todays appoitment was suppose to be for her to vent and it was only for her, but now she says she's not going. The pastor has cleared this time for us, so I am going, but then she's going to feel that anything he says that is directed toward her is a result of what I say in this meeting. Kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place now. She has been in bed now for over 36 hours. I just don't know where to turn at this point. I will get the book you recommended.

I know I really screwed up, but I don't think I'm really that bad of a H. I don't have friends who take up all my time golfing, fishing or the like. Any free time I have is spent at home. I always help her around the house. We both enjoy working in the yard. I pamper her probably too much, but I really do love her. I HATE what she's done by bring our daughter into the middle of this, but I still love her.

I think at this point, the Lord has to intervene. I can continue to pamper her and show her I love her, but something has to pull her out of this depression.

Thanks again for all your encouragement.

Dear Ididit:

I did not see your post yesterday because I slept all day after having been on call the night before.

I can understand your wife completely. I was like that. The first week after d-day was the worst in my life. Give your wife my email iceprincessmail@yahoo.com. I will talk to her.

Hold her arms when she hits you. Tell her you are sorry a million times a day. Tell her that you love her. Tell her you see your behavior as a horrible mistake. Tell her you want to work on rebuilding your marriage. Hold her when she cries. Care for her.

Take her to the doctor to get anti-depressants. She can take Benadryl to sleep. Try gently to ask her not to drink too much. It is the only thing for her right now that takes away the pain. So it may be difficult to ask her to stop drinking.

You did the right thing to stand up for your mistake and tell her. How old is your daughter?

Why does your wife think you exposed her to HIV, did you have unprotected S** with her after your return?

Keep posting here and show your wife this board. You can print out threads and let her read on paper.

Recovery after a crisis like this is possible. I am living proof for that. There are many people here, who have rebuilt their marriages.

Here you will find support and understanding. Noone can feel the pain of a betrayed spouse. You have to have experienced it, to know how devastating it is. But you can heal from it. There is hope, there is recovery, there is love again.

Liza,

Thanks for the encouragement. I wish I could get her to talk to you, but she refuses to have anything to do with computers. She feels that because I work with them and that keeps me away from home so much that she basically is boycotting them. She's never had any desire to learn e-mail or anything about a computer. I do know there's help through venting like this and other ways, but she's just keeping it bottled up right now. She refused to keep the appointment I made with our pastor today just for her to vent. So, I'm going to keep it instead. I know she really needs somebody to talk to. I am going to try to get her to go to an ALANON meeting with me. Maybe she can vent there.

Thanks again. Gotta run to my meeting. Please pray for us.

PS yes, I did have upprotected sex after I received negative results from my STD test. BUT, we both knew we should've waited for a period of time and had another test before being together unprotected. At that point, I thought we were on the upswing of reconcilliation. Boy was I wrong!!! Must've just been one of those phases.

Ididit:

Let her decide what she wants to do. Offer but don't demand.

Just be there for her, supporting her, loving her and not putting one grain of blame on her.

In your posts at times I sense a certain <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> attitude. Like when you asked: "OMG, this will take two years!!!"

Never -listen to me:- NEVER show her that attitude.

Never belittle the magnitude of your betrayal, o.k.?

One thing you could offer, would be to get Individual counseling for yourself. To work on yourself and find out how -as my H put it- how he could sink so low. That made a big impression on me. My H started IC right after d-day.

All the best to you, ID. Stay strong and love your wife...

Liza,

Thanks again for your input. First, I'd like to assure you that if I came across as having an attitude, that I really didn't mean to. I think I was just making the compairson to a one night terrible mistake and the time that it would take to get over it. It really doesn't matter though, cause I have the rest of my life to give to her. If it takes that long to get her to love me again, then so be it. I am willing to give it that.

I think though that this problem has just forced us to deal with some larger issues. She feels that everybody we are counseling with is turning the blame back to her and alcohol. She took some rx meds last night and drank to the point of not knowing if she ate and even delusional thinking that she had spoke to our son on the phone, but I know that was impossible. She also thoght somebody had come by to visit, but nobody came to our house last night. She was convinced. Tonight, she drank again on top of rx meds. A Christian friend came by tonight and prayed with us, and I as well prayed for peace in our home. She is now in bed, and I am about to follow her. I just had to make sure the house was locked and lights turned off. She did not eat again tonight. We agreed with our friend to go to a small group meeting tomorrow night. I really think it would be good for us. They are doing a study on "The Bait of Satan." We have an appointment with a alcohol and drug counseler next Wednesday, but what do I do in the mean time. The nights are the worst. That's when she gets angry and violent. Maybe it's getting better though. Last night was somewhat peaceful in comparison. I really do love her and plan on doing whatever it takes to mend our family, but the mending has to include some of the problems that we were dealing with before my ONS. I am certainly not trying to take away ANY of the seriousness of what I did. How in the world do we work on these problems without her feeling the blame is being shifted??? I am perfectly willing to take responsibility for what I did. I have told her and our daughter that sincerely. I am just afraid for her health drinking on top of the rx meds. What if she takes too many or drinks too much just one time?? I am afraid to leave her alone at all. I was gone for only an hour or so today and somewhere, someway she found alcohol and was in a stupor when I returned home.

LORD, HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS????? I know this issue is probably what drove her over the edge. Now we HAVE this to deal with as well as my screw-up. Maybe this is the Lord's way of pulling us closer to him. I can only trust that He will help us in these times, heal us and put us all back on the right track.

Thanks again for all your words of encouragement.

Well, I'm still wondering whether I did the right thing following you guy’s advice. Since the ONS, I have done everything I could think of to try to make it right. I have been humble and in humility taken the nightly beatings, let her rip my shirts off, cried with her, prayed over her and with her. Last night a Christian friend of ours stopped over who just talked and prayed with us over this situation. I told her and my W that I knew what I did was wrong, I am totally ashamed of it and am truly sorry for the hurt I've caused her and my daughter. She was drinking last night and I couldn't find out where the alcohol was coming from. Well tonight, we went over to the same friends house who again prayed and talked with us. I told them that she hadn't been drinking before we left, but just before we walked out the door she went back into the house. Unaware that I was following, she went into the closet and took a big couple of gulps out of a half-gallon of rum. I didn't let her see me, but poured it out before we left. That on top of some prescription pain medicine just put her out of it at our friends’ house. Well, we returned home and I thought we were going to bed and go to sleep, but she must've got her second wind and started beating on me again. She has bruises all up and down her forearm from either hitting me or me holding her hands. So now she decides she's going to go out herself to let me see what it's like. She gets dressed and I take the keys, but she calls a cab and has now left at 11:30 at night. I begged her not to do this. I know it'll be another all night fight when she gets home.

The pastor of our church who we have counseled with says she needs to get the addiction of alcohol under control before we can move any further toward healing. It's been three weeks now and I don't know where else to turn or what to do. She now is turning against our salvation, refuses to meet anymore with our pastor. I have set an appointment with and alcohol counselor for next Wednesday, but it's only Thursday now. What am I suppose to do till Wednesday. The other pastor we have been counseling with is out of town all this week and will not be available until next week. NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN. I'M READY TO JUST GIVE IT UP, move out and agree to separation as she says she wants. WHAT CAN I DO TO TURN THE ANGER, BITTERNESS AND HATE BACK INTO LOVE AGAIN??? I know it'll take time, but what do I do in the mean time???

SEEKING IN DESPERATION SOME ANSWERS!!!!

NO, NO AND NO! The Lord does not entice a ONS to bring you closer to him. What you did was to choose the wrong path. You have choice's and you weren't listening to the right side. God has nothing to do with it. You know right from wrong. You choose, not he! You might be needing someone and naturally you turned to him when you were feeling lonely, scared and confused. He will never turn his back on you! K, nuff said on that!

Now, To be honest, I have kicked, punched, slapped my H. many times when I found out. Not saying that is right because it isn't. But please understand her pain. You will never experience it unless she comes back and tells you she has fallen for another M.
As sick as this might be, If I could have chosen what kind of A. my H. would of had, I think it would be a little easier to deal with a ONS. My H. claimed he feel in love with this ugly big faced ho. So, a meaningless ONS would have been easier to deal with. But don't you dare run with that with less of a conscience. Because you did the ultimate crushing thing next to murder.

What made you do it? I don't believe in the alcohol thing. Another excuse. No you can't think clearly but, I do believe that brain of yours was telling you stop while you were ahead making out with her! ???????

You better start kissing some major butt and ask yourself, if the situation was reversed, how would you want to be treated after you found out?

Oh, my thoughtful H. didn't use protection cuz she didn't believe in it and she was screwing her H. along with someone else! Yes, I got something and was treated! Nice gift! Yuck and gross. i still feel dirty and disgusting and I am not the one who had the affair!

Lots of luck and I will pray for you.

Ali
check out my H. thread. his number is 26649. I think. Go onto my thread to silver and sue with hope. I posted it on there too if that is wrong.But you will see a big difference and great advice given. Tired and been on this thing for too long now. nite nite! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ali,

I have been kissing major but as hard as I can and I know the Lord does not entice a ONS. I also know that it was totally my free will to screw up as badly as I did and no I wasn’t listening to the right voice. I really don’t know what made me do it and I did have so much alcohol that I don’t remember half of what happened. I do know that when I saw the back of the OW’s head as she left the room, I then realized how very badly I had messed up. As I said, I was sick to my stomach for 3 or 4 days and when I went to the Dr. when I returned, I had lost over 10 lbs. I really wouldn’t recommend this as a means for weight loss for anybody though.

I let her go tonight because I can’t control her. I think there may be some resentment on my part for the alcohol, BUT I agree that it is by no means an excuse. I haven’t drank anything since that night. I don’t know, I’m trying to kiss butt, but am just wondering when I will get any kind of response. She actually does respond when she’s not drinking somewhat. I think if I could just get her to agree to leave the alcohol alone just for a few weeks and let’s work through this together clear headed that we could really make some progress. Well, better run. Thanks again for the input and please….keep on praying!!!

Hi Id!

Did your wife drink a lot before your A.? Was she a casual drinker? My question to you is what made you drink so much when you were away on business? How did you function the next morning??? My husband used to travel for a major food corporation and if he ever got caught drinking in that manner, he would be gone in nothing flat!
Are you in sales? I know piddly questions but I just need to know the dinky stuff to understand to what had happened.

I can see you are really hurting and desperate to solve this problem with your wife. What ever you do, do not call this a mistake in front of her. period! Don't even tell it to yourself that it was a mistake. I believe on your drunk'in conscience level you knew what your were doing? I know I already said that. But anyway that will only infuriate her even more.
Right now she is angry. Duh.. She has a right to be. You took her to a place where she does not want to be. I see that you are wanting to own up to it and good for you! You have to be patient and loving and definitely undestanding. She is probably thinking how many time have you done this before?
It is going to be tough but try to catch her at a time when she is not drinking and try to talk with her. Little steps. Does she work? Go unexpectly meet her for lunch. She can't be drinking then? You must do what ever it takes and bare all responsibilty and humiliation becasue she might yell at you in public. I know that sounds easy. But sometimes, when in a heated moment somethings can come out.
Do your wife a favor and hide all the alcohol in the house. Actually get rid of it. She does not need to self medicate herself right now. I know the pain she is in. Trust me. Will it go away? It has been almost a year since my husband presented me with the truth. And my pain is just the same as it was when I first found the evidence. I hired a PI! Cost me $$$$ but well worth it!
Feel free to ask me any questions, I would be happy to help.
By the way, don't do the gift thing just yet. It will back fire! Your gift should be remorse and shameful and still keep up that major butt kissing and treat her as if she is on her dealth bed. Because that is probably what she feels right now!
Keep me posted!
Ali

BUMP

Yes, that was a major issue before I left to go out of town this last time. Because I make my living with the computer, she feels that the computer is my addiction. BUT, I do all my work stuff plus our home bills etc from the computer. It’s gotten to the point that I have to sneak in to do my work and our bills. For the past two weeks, I haven’t done more than an hour on the computer and my work and our bills are suffering, but I felt my attention to her was more important. She doesn’t work out of the home, but does a GREAT job keeping our home up inside and out. I do help her more than most H, but she is still in control of that area.

She seems to be a little more rational today. I am hoping she will agree to go with me to see The Passion tonight. Our daughter is at her cousins house today, so it should give us some time to be together. I have already made the mistake of calling the A a mistake but will try not to anymore. It was however the biggest mistake of my life.

I am trying the little things and hope that will help her through this.

Thanks again for all your input.

Hi Id!

Great movie to see. I highly recommend it. I left that movie with tears. I could not stop Even in the parking lot, I was still sniffing. The whole theater audience was like that! I normally don't cry in movies. Actually, I don't cry in movies. But this one! I couldn't stop.

Hummmmm, can I add a few more things that I noticed in your post??? Ok not that you have a choice here but here it goes....If she thinks there is a problem with the computer then there might be one. If she feels that she competes with you and that machine then you should really listen to her. I know how important bills are and your job, they have to get done. Can you and her maybe sit down at the dinner table together and discuss a time for each week to do the bills? How about setting set time each day together that is quailty time together. After the kids are asleep, cuddle in bed and watch TV?? Go out every Saturday night. Even if it is for an ice cream cone or a walk. Doesn't have to be expensive. My best friends H. works with computers too. He had built her one so when he goes on the computer, she is usually there in their office on her own with him. Anyway, think about that she might feel even worse now because now you had an A. and still pays more attention to the computer then her. Please ease up on the machine. But do continue to write on MB.
If alcohol was in the picture before the A. you have got to convince her to get help. I think if the two of you go to MC together, your counselor will see that there is some dependent issues here.

Please be easy on your W. She will have her ups and her downs. But you need to help her and stay away from the computer during "non business hours"! She really needs to know that you are there and that you are sorry for being such an irresponsible "idiot" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> !

Keep posting though!

Ali

Hello Ali,

We wanted to go as a family to see The Passion, but it seems almost impossible to get my daughter’s schedule to fit. Guess we might try to go after church today…I hope.

We have been through counseling in the past and the counselor suggested that my W is just “high maintenance.” She wants all of my undivided attention. She felt the same way when we lived in our other house that had a shop. She was always complaining about me spending time there to the point that I started logging my time in the shop. I don’t know what has given her so much insecurity in our relationship. I am always at home, I don’t golf, go to bars with buddies, I don’t fish or hunt. On my time off, we work in the yard. I help in the house doing dishes, wash, run the vacuum, make beds….everything that she does to keep the house. She does however have the primary edge on decoration and creativity though, and she’s good at it. I really don’t spend too much time on the computer. My office is where I read, learn, do bills, work etc and she gets jealous of that. I guess she should be glad that she loves me that much, but she continually complains that she has to beg for my time which is NOT SO!!!! She loves working in the yard together and we do that a lot, but if I’m not working right next to her then she says I’m on one side of the yard and she’s on the other.

I know that work would be great for her and have tried for years to get her to get a part time job. She’s great with kids, especially those with handicaps. I’ve tried to encourage her to apply at the Cerebral Palsy center. She actually went there and showed them her resume and they were impressed and said they needed help, but she hasn’t followed up on it.

Well, better run. Thanks so mucy for your input. I really do appreciate your help since you’ve traveled this road before. Thanks again and God Bless.

Helllloooo Id!

OK, let me ask you something here, what kind of therapist tells you that your wife is high maintenance? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Or is that your words???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Some people feel that they have to have a soulful purpose to feel that they are needed. ????
Is she in counseling??? Because the alcohol issue is big and the fact that she is hurt needs to be addressed before she ruins her life!

Have you considered taking her by the hand and guide her to events that she likes? If she is unwilling to do any events or jobs that she likes, there might be a big chance she has been depressed? High maintenance is unlikely. Needy yes. Big difference between the two!

But again please remember to be patient and kind.
She needs that! You need to show her even if it is giving something up temporarily that you like to support her, to show her that you are there. Be around her a little more than usual. To start t regain her trust.
There is high chance of an alcohol issue here, and if it is not nicked in the butt now? Who know what your marriage might end up like? Please don't tell her that she has lots of problems. She might back lash at you and feel worse, and then might do something irrational.

If your daughter is under the age of 12, I would not recommend The Passion. Our Pastor saw the movie first before he would allow his son to see it! Very, very emotional.

Let me know OK?

Ali

Hello Ali,

Our pastor from CT told us that she was high maintenance. Some people are just that way. She does have a soulful purpose of feeling needed, but also her needs are pretty high as well. The only counseling that we are in currently is that where I have enlisted help. Depending on her mood, she will and sometimes will not go.

We are only in counseling since just before the incident. We are going to talk to a drug and alcohol counselor tomorrow, but I doubt she’ll continue after that. I hope she will, but our insurance won’t cover it so we’ll have to find a way. And I’m willing to do that if she’s willing. The alcohol has been a problem for a while now, plus she’s enhancing it with prescription medication. I do feel she has been going through some level of depression for some time now. She as well has a history of this.

Last night was a bad night. We had a good day and then all of a sudden she just got mad and started remembering some of the things I told her. How often do I have to re-live that night? It also hurts me that I screwed up so badly. I have been around her almost 24 hours/day since the ONS. Over three weeks ago now. I remember reading about the roller coaster ride and it’s true. It has been an up and down ride.

I have encouraged her to do something to get her out of the house, a part time job, volunteer work or something. She could really contribute to our survival now by getting a job that has insurance benefits. I told her that it really doesn’t matter what kind of salary it is, if she has insurance benefits that would be the best contribution she could make. She has been planning for over a year to start working out. She has a lifetime membership to the Spa Health club, but never seems to make it.

We did make a positive step yesterday. She put her wedding rings back on. We also went to the jewelry store and traded in some rings her father had left her for a couple of very nice diamond rings….one for her and one as a graduation present for our daughter. I just need her to know how very much I love her and that I am willing to do whatever it takes to work this out. I just wish there was some kind of instant fix to get over this awful predicament.

We did go to see The Passion on Sunday afternoon and she didn’t complain when I suggested we go to our evening service at Church after the movie. I really think we’re making progress, but I see a long uphill climb ahead. Please tell me something encouraging.

Thanks again.

Hi Id!

you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How often do I have to re-live that night? It also hurts me that I screwed up so badly </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you imagine her? She is reliving that night over and over in her head too! As I do. As you had a one night stand, my H. was thinking he fell in love with the company slut is no different. I give you credit because it sure does sound like you are trying. But don't push her. And don't make her stop. It is part of the healing process.

The self medicating is what is scaring me and since this was a problem before hand, do you think that maybe a little bit of you that thought when you were pick up your ONS that you were "get'in some" without the emotions attached that your W. was bringing to the M? Were you some how escaping? Getting drunk to less the guilt and use it as an excuse to say; "Well, I was drunk I had know idea what I was doing?" That is something think about.

What you can do is ease her slowly into MC right now and suck it in and take them blame for everything so she can get into counseling with you. Don't lie about it, just suck it up. The counselor will see the truth and you two will get the much needed help!

I haven't wore my rings either. My husband ask why I don't? I remind him of what he said to me in front of God, family and our friends (350 people) "Take this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity". I just don't feel right about wearing it! We looked a new bands too! A huge diamond that is near flawless. But I am still on that fine line to where I want my M. to go.

Ahhhh, I can't remember there was something else.
Please be patient. I see that you really love her and I think your A. was a cry for help. A fix the M. affair. Let her sob. If you need to go out without her, keep your cell phone on. Just be there. I know it is hard because the is a lot of dependency issues and you probably feel a little smootherd as she feels alone. But please stand by her. OK?

Ali

Thanks again for all the input. I'm trying to be patient. We went to see my brother yesterday who has cancer and she did very well. I was really proud of her. BUT, on the way home she said she wanted a couple of beers. I pleaded with her, but she said she only wanted a couple and I could stop to let her get them or let her out to find her own way home. Anyway, I stopped and offered to go in to get them, but she wouldn't let me. Instead she did just what I was afraid of...bought a 6 pack of tall Ice House. She actually only did drink 2 on the way home, but when we got home and I tried to get her to go to bed, she indicated she had a telephone call to make. That's her favorite past time...sittiing on the porch, smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and talking on the phone. She called a friend of hers in Fl and before I knew it was right back into the ONS discussion and getting more and more angry with every sip of beer. I actually hid the last one, and she must not have missed it, because she finally did come to bed. But she was loaded and started bringing up things where she felt I hadn't paid close enough attention to her from years ago. When we were with my family, she felt like I wasn't being close enough to her. Even before the ONS, I don't know of many couples who still hold hands in the car and spend a much time together as we do. We also have a very good love life and I'm sure there are not many our age and who have been together as long as us who can't even imagine having the love life we do. I just hope the counseler can come up with some good suggestions that doesn't sound like he's turning my screw-up around to focus on her problem. Mine is one thing, but I really feel we are going to have to deal with both issues before we can move forward with healing. The alcohol does nothing more that promote deeper depression. (Not making my ONS any less because there was heavy drinking involved there as well, but I haven't had anything since then except two glasses of wine with her at dinner one night. On the advice of our Pastor, I have chosen to stop all together. Having one glass with her seems to just give an excuse to her to have more.) She still talks about going out and having a ONS just to let me know how it feels. I know it's hard on her part, and if the shoe was on the other foot I really don't know what I would do. I do know I don't want to throw 27 years of marriage away because of one major error in judgement. I told her the other night that this is the biggest mistake of my life. I can't think of anything else that has affected my life so greatly as this.

Well, better run. Thanks again for the insight. I really am trying and have committed to do whatever is necessary to prove to her how much I really do love her.