All I'm going to say to that is EXACTLY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm going to go to the counselor today by myself. Kind of nervouse because we already did that initially, then we were having joint sessions. Next thing you know we're back to individual sessions again. Kind of scared about what I'm going to hear. Will let ya know what I find out, good or bad. Later. Need prayers.

Keep the faith. I'm learning that we are are our own worst enemies.

I know exactly what you're going through. I think everyone here does.

You start to wonder if there really IS something wrong with you. Why else would you be going through all this ?

It suddenly makes you very aware that being who you are isn't always the best thing. After all, if we were different in mind set, we'd have tossed their silly butts out on Dday and never looked back.

I'm startin to question why we end up trying so hard. Ask your IC that. I'll be praying for ya.

Hey YOU,
How was your session today ? You can exhale now....it only hurts for a minute.

I hope you found comfort and peace at the end...even if your journey was rough at times.

You and your family are in my prayers,
Betrayed

Well basically, we determined that W has problems and that she needs to deal with them or our problems will never be solved. Talked to W tonight and had a very long conversation. Told her that until she forgave me for mistakes I made, nad allowed me back in we would never get anywhere. That woman is in such turmoil. She is very set in the opinions and ideas that she has. They are too extensive to get into here, but the counselor basically confirmed my thoughts on the subject today. I pray to God that W will open her eyes and accept help for her problems. We have an appointment next week together. I hope that with counselers we can make some headway. I sent here an e card tonight. I hope it will help me. I dont know if anything is going to help me. Her views are so distorted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi Medic,
You never mentioned in any of your threads how old your wife was (or at least I don't recall).

Here is my take on this situation... take it like a grain of salt.

Your wife sounds to me that she may have had a tramatic experience once or before in her life. She doesn't take meds, but I can assume she spends a great deal of time and energy trying to escape her reality. <---issues don't really exist in the room that has no windows or doors, nothing gets in, nothing gets out.

In a discussion I had with WH last night... we had to talk about OW <---AGAIN <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

However...he said...you're trying to get me to chapter 10, and I only just started reading the book <--analogy, he hates reading. He went on to say if I thought that he was trying to "do something here" and still trying to work on something there, I was wrong.

He then went on to explain that just like I have to work on MY issues before I can begin to work on issues we have in our marriage. THIS MY FRIEND IS WHERE HE CAME OUT OF THE FOG BECAUSE I KICKED HIM OUT OF IT.... I explained, let me correct your way of thinking....if my motivation, was NOT to save my marriage, why on earth would I care about any issues I may have ? <--- message inserted between the lines.

I think she IS starting to deal with some issues...and now is a GREAT opportunity to be in a FULL blown Plan A. When some of these doors come unlocked with the counselor, you have a rough road ahead, but your support through it is going to make all the difference. And believe me...the doors are going to start flying open soon. Don't be surprised if she's been supressing a whole ROOM with your LBs. Knee jerk will be to defend yourself...do NOT do it. continue the plan.

Communicate to her that you hope it's helping, that you appreciate her going, and hope she finds comfort in it.

Slow and Steady wins the race <--- of course this doesn't apply to me because I have no patience, but don't do as I do...do as I say.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I had a very long chat with W this morning as well as last night. She still basically blames me for all the problems we have and refuses to see her roll in any of it. If I'm not a doormat for her, I dont see this working unless some major change and effort comes from her. She keeps saying that if I back off "maybe" she'll start looking at me differently. I dont know if I can keep doing this on a maybe. I've just about had it today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

This is one of your down days, I'm sorry to see you hit that down slide. This is where you need to pray harder, believe more, and really really PLAN A!!!!

Answer me this, is a MAYBE better then you've gotten in the past ?

HELP !

I'm sliding too...how did you get through today ?

HEY YOU !

Where the heck are you ? Don't make us worry. Even if you only have 30 seconds.... drop us a line...even if it's ...I'm OK.

Little Fish
(Now in the Boat)

Sorry , beena t work. EMS does not always stand fro earn money sleeping. It sure didnt the last 48 hrs of my watch. My connection keeps messing up so I wont type more right now, but will try later tonight. Gonna love my kids right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Slip sliding away over here.
How are you ?
The feeling that just really sucks never goes away does it ?

You are right. I found out a name of the guy my W was supposed to have been with. I confronted her about it and she of course denied everything. I told her more than once that she had to tell me the truth. If she wanted our marriage to work there would be absolute honesty. No more secrect second life. She is still lying to me and hiding things. When we go to counseling tomorrow, I'm going to tell her that if there is anymore to this story, she needs to come clean now. If I keep getting tidbits here and there and continually have to confront her, we are wasting our time. NO MORE LIES. On the bright side, she has been alot more pleasant the last few days. We had a couple really long talks, might have gotten some points made and understood. Time will tell.

I'm glad you two are starting to really communicate.

I'm caught in the FOG of wanting to know the whole truth, or just let lying dogs lie.

I'm not convinced knowing the whole truth will help you in your Plan...it tends to weaken the foundation you've worked so hard to build.

We all need to take a drink from the cup of patience.

Believe it or not, I'm still on the rollercoaster.

OW is gone...this I know...but I don't think I've fully come to terms with how I feel yet. My insecurity and fear of those feelings force me to want to RUSH things....but in my heart, I know if I don't get right back UP on this horse, the chances of me ever getting back on seem further and further away. I've talked to my FWH about these feelings. He's so caught up in himself, he's oblivious that without him filling any of MY EN, my bank is near depletion.

Hang in there. Don't FORCE her. You are making FAR more progress than you have been.

Keep in touch.

It will be a long time bfore you get rid of that insecure feeling. If things dont go just right years from now it will come back. Ya just gotta bite the bullet and deal with it. As far as W and what we're accomplishing, We'll see. I'm tired of being lied to and I already told her that I would accept no more dishonesty. She did admit in our conversation the other night that she does have some pretty serious and numerous emotional and mental issues, so I guess that is progress. Heres hoping. By the way Jersey, you will never get off the rollercoaster, it'll just slow down to a kiddie ride most of the time. Still praying for you . Gotta go I'll check in after counselling.

Well we went to counseling today, and it went crappy as far as I was conserned, but the counselor keeps saying these days go well. I dont know, W cried most of the time, again denied an A. Couselor said she didnt think W had one. I dont know, I wish and hope that is true. Nothing would make me happier, except for her to come home. My Dad finally got a chance to talk to W and tell her a few positive things. She just sat there and cried. She brought the kids by and spent about an hour here. I just hope she realizes that I'm not asking for too much by asking for some attention from her. We have a long way to go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We all have a long way to go. Remember...no matter how hard it is right now, your wife is still seeking and accepting help, and I think that's just a HUGE step for her.

Hang tough, I'm getting my butt kicked on my thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Boy oh Boy do you keep slacking off here ?
Or does that EMS thing have you actually living a life outside of this never ending nightmare ?

Hope things are progressing...even if they seem TOO slow...look for progress....it may be found in places you never thought to look.

Thumbs up DAD... Stay strong...
It sounds like you're a great Dad in a not so great situation with your WW.

Hang in there... Will be praying for you!