Hi everyone,

I'm new here and well I guess I should just tell my story. I don't know what to do.

My husband got drunk going out after work with friends last weekend and ended up going over to a friends with a group of people after the bar closed. They ended up drinking and people left and he says one thing left to another and this co-worker and him had sex.

When I woke up the next morning I went out looking for him, walked into her house and found them in bed together.

He has left town, went back to his folks house and swears that it was the first time, that it just happened. He wants to work it out and says that he will prove and win back his trust.

I'm just so confused. My mother (who was divorced because she found out her husband had been cheating on her throughout their whole marriage) say that I should leave him because once a cheater always a cheater. She and my brother are pressuring me very badly to go down and file for divorce right away.

I love my husband, and my heart hurts so bad. We have two beautiful little girls, and a marriage we already knew needed work. I believe my husband when he says that this was the first and only time, but my mother says it doesn't matter. If I take him back at this point he will always do it again.

Please help. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

This story must have a lot left out!

quote...
"When I woke up the next morning I went out looking for him, walked into her house and found them in bed together."

So you must have had an idea as to who he might be with or why would you go to HER house?

And how did you gain entry to her house? Do you have a key?

It's difficult to give an opinion without the full story.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Luckily you found this site in time.

Everyone else will tell you to dump him. Here people will tell you that you can have a better marriage than ever. Read the "quick clicks" on the home page about infidelity, restoring a marriage, overcoming resentment and reconciliation.

Stick with us and get on the program. We will get you through this.

Hi LoveSaved,

There isn't much to leave out. I live in a very small rural area. I drove around until I found his car, which took all of about ten minutes and walked into a small apartment building. I guess I had a hunch to ask for this particular woman because I had this dream that he was cheating on me with her. I don't know, mabye I had a psychic moment. Anyhow, a couple told me which apartment was hers. I knocked and knocked and no answer, the door was unlocked, so I just walked in. And found them together. I guess I'm not the type to just sit back and let things happen without getting up and going out and finding out things for myself.

As for before he cheated on me. Our marriage was strained. We have a six year old and a nine month old, he is working full time while I am going to school full time. He has a drinking problem we are constantly fighting about. He goes out with friends after work and usually comes home right after the bar closes. Otherwise he calls and lets me know. That night he didn't do those things. So I guess that was the tip off for me. The change in habit, because he usually respects that I need to know where he is what he is doing and when he'll be home.

I of course told him he had to leave. He says that he is going to go to rehab and therapy and will prove that he will do anything for us to win back my trust and love. But all this doesn't really mean anything right now because it is all just talk. I feel such anger and distrust for him. I simply don't know how to feel or what to do. My mother pretty much has said if I don't leave him it means I have no self-respect for myself as a woman and that he will just do it again. She says I should believe her because it happened to her. I'm just very so confused and heartbroken.

You will get better by reading all the information here. Then he needs to get better. Watch his actions.

You can start in Plan A now. Read all about it here. You will not always feel this bad, and this may be the wakeup call he needs.

You said he has a drinking problem. Please read Dr Harley's advice on an alcoholic spouse . He says you can't fix a marriage when one person has an addiction. Have you ever attended a COSA or ALANON meeting? You should probably try it.

As for your mother's advice, only you know whether you want to try to save your marriage or not. Don't give into outside pressure. It's your choice and your life.

I already read it. He is starting therapy and rehab today actually. It was one of the things I told him he had to do if there was any hope of us repairing our marriage. It really suprised me how quickly he acted on that. I told him it would be at least a few weeks of him going to therapy getting clean before we will start "dating" again. Dating seems to be the most logical first step that I can think of. I think it is important to find out if we can even be toghether and like each other before we move back in and start right into our marriage again. I have children, and it wouldn't be good for them if we were together fighting all the time, it isn't even good for them to see me as hurt and in pain as I am now. My eldest child is amazingly resiliant and strong, but she shouldn't have to be. I need to be strong for them. For now my husband and I are just talking on the phone and internet. We plan on having our first date towards the end or beginning of next month and will probably continue to do that for...well as long as it takes I suppose.