My wife had an A with a guy from work. I knew something was going on, and kept asking. She finally told me. She said it only happened once, but I'm not sure of that, very doutfull. Anyway she says she wants to work this out, but want leave her work, nor give me anyway to conform that she has told him she doesn't want to see him anymore. She went to Atlanta from a convention last week. She was there for two nights, and stayed out till 3am both nights. The first night it was for "a" drink after working from 7a to 5p then the 5 hour drive. The next day was the 12 hour convetion, then once agin out on the town. "We were just looking around town, checking out one pub after another" We are from the South. Where did she get "pub" from? Anyway this little outting came just ten days after she confested. I called the hotel one of the girls answered the phone and said they weren't back from eating yet. I called the cell and my wife told me that some of them didn't drink. Thats when I asked who answered the phone at the hotel. No reply. Friday, when she returned, we were talking and she told me I could have two weeks of complete freedom, in our home town 100 miles away. Then she tells me she was thinking of seeing him agin. I feel like she wanted me to go and do so she could too and not feel guilty. She tells me she wants us to work thing out, but her actions speak louder than words!!!!! I want us to work. I love my wife very much. We have been through alot togather. She finally got out of school and we are begining to get where we want to be. I cann't understand why it happened now. Things were going so good. I just need some advise from a nuetral source. She doesn't want to go to concieling, or try to get any help. She told me she could deal with it, seeing him and working with him daily. I'm not so sure, she has admited the thought of being with him again. What can I do? Her place of employement has a policy against this. I could have them both fired, but I don't want to hurt her in any way. I'm afraid that would hurt us more than help us. Need help!!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be considering the circumstances.

Start in Plan A. You can read all about it here. Also check out the emotional needs questionnaire. You can find out what hers are and try to meet them.

Also this is a good time to make changes in you, which is all you really have control over.

ol fool,

You don't want to hurt your wife...I understand that....but your wife is hurting you and while you allow that...it is more destructive to your marriage than exposure will EVER be. Have you talked to her parents/siblings about this? Maybe you could start there instead of work.

Thanks for the replys. From the little I have had time to read, I have been in plan A. I have also talked to her mother. The same thing (identicle)happened to my Mother-in-law and father-in-law. It was very bitter with them. I haven't talked to her father in fear of his reaction to my wife. She kept saing she could just turn it off in her mind and work with the OM. Last night, I think it hit her that she can't. She would pull away when I tried to kiss her, but we are talking about it. That is more than we have been doing. She said she would look at the web site sometime when she was here by herself, so now I can see a little light. It may not turn out the way I want but at least I will get an answer. I feel like this is withdrowal.I love her and I don't want to loose her. The not knowing is killing me, I don't know if I can take it. I am afraid I will loose the will to fight for the one person I love the most.

Stay positive and do not worry so much about what you do not know. It is going to eat you and make you bitter if you continue. She is probably in love with that man and does not want to let go. That is called "being in the fog". Where are you from? You are not originally from the US because it is a little difficult to understand what you say. But you have come to the right place. There are many helpful people here who could offer advice. Write to why me. He seems to be very knowlegable and has been through the same experience. Good luck to you.

I'm from the U.S., deep in the heart of Dixie!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess a southern accent always shows through. Yes I have a sence of humor and southern pride. I have been reading "Surviving an Affiar" which has been helpfull. I have pretty much been on the right track, even before I found this web site or the book. I try not to worry about what I don't know, and I can deal with what has happened. I just hope she comes out of the fog before my love bank goes bankrupt. We took the emotional needs questionnaire, and either she lied on it, or I have done everything I could have and should have. When we first got married she was in school to be an RN. I was farming 550 acres on my own, and drove my own trailer truck , locally, during the winter. I was working two jobs to insurethat we had everything we needed, and to an extent wanted. My farming operation went under two years later. I went to work for a chemical company for about two years. Then an oppertunity for me to go back to driving my truck can up. A lcoal grocery supplier strarted hireing thier hauling out. Since I still owned a big truck, I felt this was a wonderfull oppertunity. I was to haul to stores in our region (about 5 states) and I could be home every night. I ran my old truck for a while, and made a conciderable amount of money. After about six months I purchased another truck. This truck was a lot nicer, faster and more effiecant. With the new truck my wife could ride with me more, and be very comfortable. I was makeing as much as $3000 a week. Which by the way is a lot of money in the rural south. The average income where we were is about 20 to 25K/yr. When my wife got out of school she took a job in a large town in our state, about 130 miles away. So we moved away from our families. Which my father is 60yrs. old and still farms 500 acres by himself. When we were there I could help him with the place. I couldn't find a job like the one I had, so I tried to keep running out of the terminal back home. I was driving two and a half hours to the terminal. Then I would drive sometimes ten hours(round trip) and with hook-up and deliever consitsting of an additional five to eight hours. Then return home in my pick-up, two and a half hours, so I could try to be with my wife at night. I was staying up as much as 28hour at the time. That is illegal. Truck drivers are not supposed to drive over ten hours, then they have to rest for eight. So I sold the truck and took another job, which didn't make as much money. Now she makes more than I do. I feel this is part of the problem for her. She told me that she resented the fact that I was self employeed. Whith the things I do that is the way to make the most money. I always thought that that was the "American Dream." Maby I am dreaming. I just feel that I gave up so much for her, and now this happens to us. Well I have fussed enough. I think I'll go mow the yard or work on her motorcycle. I thought maybe if I could teach her to ride we could spend some time togather. So I got an old bike that needs some work, for her. I thak Ya'll for careing enough to write. Stay cool, and come listen to the blues with me down here in Mississippi!!