This is my first time here. My husband is n the military so we are apart alot. We got married last january and left to japan the day we got married. I stayed in california for 3 months and durring that time found out he had multiple girls at our house he would bring home from clubs.A also found out he had a child. To me it was very important that my husband and I have our first child together and go threw this experience of first time parents together.Im having a hard time accepting his child, and knowing that his first born will never be mine. I dont know where to begin on h ow to forgive him, does any one have advice on accepting his child?

LaceyRose,

You've got a lot to deal with. But with time and support you can come to some decisions on what you can or cannot accept.

I'd like to invite you to post your story over at the Pregnancy/Child board. The folks over there are dealing with OC (other children) from affairs.

I think they would be a great help to you!

~ Snow

Hey Laceyrose,

maybe you should read "Surviving An Affair."

I know that soem people simply have to knwo all the details, others don't want to, or need to.

Some get over it, some never do or will.
Personally with me, it still hurts,,, this is partially due to the fact i wasn't able to place that closer to or with this issue, with my W.

I tried to write it all in a letter,,, then threw it away, it helped some, but not completely. About 2 months ago, i finally for the first time, infored her that what she did, was wrong, and that there is never an excuse for infidelity.

Some need to, and want to knwo the everywhere and everything -that the cheating spouse goes, and does,,, Requiring all passwords,,the where abouts, the why? and such,,,. some want/need phone calls hourly, some need change in locale, and job changes or transfers,,,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> To me it was very important that my husband and I have our first child together and go threw this experience of first time parents together.Im having a hard time accepting his child, and knowing that his first born will never be mine. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm wondering, if this can be any consultation/comforting for you,?

First, was this pregnancy a result from one of those club nights out? That he brought home? Or a child from a previous R? I'm wondering if you could elaborate more, maybe i wasn't quite getting it,, sorry. :-)

In my opinion, maybe this guy was just a certain type of a donor. Resulting in an unexpected/unplanned/unwanted pregnancy??

In so many ways, the experience of having the first born child, still has almost 100% of the possibility. A childs most important needs are to be with a mom and a dad, together,,, a family consists of that,,
again, i only share my point of views and opinions,, i have 4 wonderful/loving ,, children, that i'am raising alone.

I'm wondering, what and where are your thoughts of adopting? Is that a possibility? I realize i don't have any clue as to where the bio mother's mind is,,, just trying to help, and brainstorm,,

take care,,

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Laceyrose,

I am glad to see you posting on the Pregnancy/Child board. I think those ladies and gents there will be very helpful to you. Don't hesitate to post here, too, because some people don't go to both boards. But you'll find plenty of people in your sitch over there.

~ Snow