Phew! Glad to know I'm not strange! Or maybe we both are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My mom could not believe that I did no kick him out of the bedroom, but I figured, why? he's been sleeping here with me all this time, what's different now, I know he's a liar? It wont change anything. Plus, like you, it just felt like that is where he belonged. I dont know about you, but when we did do that again, it was like, how could two people forget what "love" feels like when it is expressed like this. I know that it cant be like that forever, but it makes you wonder why people forget.

I didn't say you weren't strange!

Ha, just kidding. You gotta be a bit strange to blog with some guy you've never met and know little about.

Seriously, I know it's our common hurt that has drawn us to blog and seek some kinda of assistance or affirmation that we're okay.

True...and 2...you both are okay in my book.

Thanks! And yes, I am strange, and freely admit it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Unfortunately, what we're talking about usually doesnt lend itself to talking the way I might normally talk!
I happy that everybody takes time to talk on here, because I am sure everybody else is much busier than I. My kids are pretty good, and I've been reading to them, and playing in between typing, but I know that work is probably more pressing. So, thanks for taking the time!
I haven't asked how you are doing today? You mentioned last night was tough, are you recovering? Did you discuss it with your W? Have you told her that you are blogging? My H is glad I am talking to other people who are sharing the same experiences. Let me know if I can help you in any way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My husband slept in the other room for 4 days. Then I couldn't take it...I missed him. We had sex shortly there after. We have remained intimate (got his blood test back and everything is OK. He'll need retesting in 3 months) but anyway, some days I feel like it and some days I don't. He has to go with my mood for now.

Anyway, I will pray for you both and talk to you later. True, I'm glad your husband seems remorseful. Just make sure he understands that sex is only with your spouse.

Thanks! And yes, I am strange, and freely admit it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Unfortunately, what we're talking about usually doesnt lend itself to talking the way I might normally talk!
I happy that everybody takes time to talk on here, because I am sure everybody else is much busier than I. My kids are pretty good, and I've been reading to them, and playing in between typing, but I know that work is probably more pressing. So, thanks for taking the time!
I haven't asked how you are doing today? You mentioned last night was tough, are you recovering? Did you discuss it with your W? Have you told her that you are blogging? My H is glad I am talking to other people who are sharing the same experiences. Let me know if I can help you in any way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I gotta go now myself. Thanks to you both for lending an ear. You are also in my prayers.

Rocked... I am 110% with you about the feeding ego thing... I think that is a MAJOR deal in my marriage. I don't know if I talk his language- so after reading your post, and seeing the books you recommend- I am buying them. THANK YOU FOR THAT!!! Once again it's proven why I am member here. Having a man's perspective is SO nice- but I don't want it to feel like I am seeking out a man to talk to- then I feel like I am (in a small way) having an affair... but here I don't feel that way. SO thank you Rocked. Any little hints you might give me now would be great. I wish I could convince my husband I love him so much- but sometimes I feel lile the words "I love you" are a little worn out- does that make sense? I am weird!!!

God- the BEST advice I can give right now is this.... and it's baby steps and seems obvious but.... you must decide- stay married or not. And once you make that decision- look FORWARD- not back- don't throw it in his face like True said. I know it's so hard- I am there right now- and I want to bring it up and throw it in his face at times- but it gets us NO where....it's a step backwards. And don't judge your H on how your father was.... give your H a chance to "fix" things- he sounds VERY remorseful- and he sounds like he wants to bust his butt to make this work- so don't compare him to anyone else. The LITTLE bit I hear from you- I think giving him a chance might be the best option. BUT- you need to soul search and ask yourself- deep within- do you love him AT ALL???? If you feel ANY love for him- it's worth you sticking this out. And SO many people told me that too- when I was deciding to stay or not.

Sorry for blabbering... thanks to all of you for posting here... I have learned so much from here.

Hello, and let me just say I am sorry to see you on here but there are many on this site that will give you great advice and some that do not. I have not been on here in a while but for some reason I logged on today and saw your post. Your situation is so similar to mine I knew I needed to respond just because. I to married my high school sweetheart. We have been married for 8 years now and have 2 kids(7,2). We had only been with each other and never with any other person. I found out on October 21st 2004 that my wife had an affair with one of my friends. She told me and I had the same reaction as you. Should I stay or should I go? I do not know how to explain it but with out any question I knew I had signed up for the long haul and that I not only had to stay but WANTED to stay because I knew I Loved My Wife. I knew that even after I found out about the affair that the love in my heart was just as strong as ever before. It has only been a couple of months but I am happy to report that my life with my wife is better than ever. Now that is not to say that your will be but there is a key that I believe you must have in order to survive. Your husband has to be willing and show that he wants to make it work. My wife and I have talked more in the last two months about things than we ever did in the previous 13 years. We have our relationship headed in the right direction because we both committed to making our marriage better. I had the same thoughts about the affaitr that you shared. I knew that I was not the husband I needed to be or else this could have never happened. If you do only one thing, trust in your hearts decision. There will be days to where you do not want to get up but it does get easier. With each day a little of the pain starts to go away. I hope you will find happiness again someday.

kwb11,
Thank you so much for posting. I am so touched that you would take the time to encourage me. My H and I have also talked more in the past two weeks than we have in years, and it felt so right. I can't believe we lost that, and didn't even realize it. It was like a fog had lifted for both of us. I hope that in a couple of months I can be a strong as you!
Keep up your positive relationship. It sounds strange, because I don't know you, but I am so happy for you. You give us all hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey DogMom,
First of all how'd you come up with that username? I feel like I need to scratch behind my ears already.

Am open to any helpful (Male perspective) info or hints you need. I know what you mean about the feeling of affair when posting deep stuff. Before DDay I would never have shared that kinda info with another woman. But after what my wife did with another man I don't feel the same about holding my cards close to my chest. I haven't told her about my posting here at MB. I've only been here 2 days but she wouldn't understand. Probably get jealous. Funny, huh!?

I'm curious about your story if you care to share.

I always wished my husband got jealous! He never has, even when he probably should have. I guess that, right there, along with all the other stuff I told you should have been a big WARNING! WARNING! YOU'RE IN DANGER!!!! Fool in love, I guess.

Ok… so here is the story- so make sure you have a minute…

A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving H and I were at dinner… we have been having some problems... and out of the blue I just blurted out- “Let’s get a divorce, this is just not getting any better…” and he looked back at me and said- for the 1st time ever- “OK”. So, that started the whole divorce ball rolling. I started packing, looking for homes, had a moving company set up… the works. Then, my boss’s wife (who happens to be a marriage/ family counselor) wrote us a very touching letter- telling us that she felt in the short time she had known us that she felt we were meant for each other and sometimes divorce is too easy for people. That was the Thursday before Thanksgiving…. So days went on- we both seemed to be trying harder than usual- so I thought. THEN- it was a Friday night (Dec. 17th) and H went down to stay with his family for a night in Houston. Well, his family hates me with a passion- WITH A PASSION- so H knew I would never call him when he was down there. I worked on Saturday and came home, took a nap, H got home from Houston about 5pm…. Everything seemed ok. Well, as luck would have it- I “discovered” H text messaging from his computer the girl--- and from the things I was reading- he had seen her while he was in Houston!!!! It turns out- Saturday he lied to me about the time he left his sisters house- and he went to the parking lot of Bass Pro Shops and proceeded to have a MAKE OUT session with a girl he went out with in high school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Literally- I vomited for 2 hours.

So… here it is 2005… I am still in the same home with him with no plans to move… just yet. ;-)
has changed his tune and begged me to give him a chance…. “Only one chance and I swear I will prove to you I want to be with you…” So, the deal I made with him is that he MUST go to continuous therapy weekly or bi-weekly to find out why the HELL he does this crap to me!!!!! So far he loves the guy/counselor he is seeing- and he seems to really be trying with me too. I try each and every day to not think about him with that slut- OOPS- I mean girl…. Sometimes I make it- sometimes I don’t. But I must work on me too. I never thought my heart could heart so much- and trust me--- my heart has been hurt pretty bad in my lifetime and I am only 31!!!!

Sorry if that is a long winded story but I am a chatterer...is that a word??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One question- what do you mean my name makes you want to scratch behind your ears?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I have NO IDEA how I came up with that... all combo of my initials were taken and I am a proud dog mom... so it just came to me!!! I'm weird, I know... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But thanks for offering me help... I love having a man's perspective. My husband knows all about my chatting on here... and encourages me in any way. I don't think it would be fair for me to keep it from him. The only type of interaction he doesn't like for me to have is when people tell me I am stupid for staying with him. He's embarrased about what he did but... TOO *amn BAD, right???? OH! And how I found his communications with OW- it's amazing the type of software that is out there!!!

Ok, I win for the longest post EVER!!!!

Tell me all about that software <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My husband got annoyed this morning when I started looking through the temporary internet file log on the computer and went back to April. He said, I was even doing anything wrong then. I told him, then it shouldn't bother him that I'm looking, and he better get used to me doing a lot of snooping!
Don't feel stupid for staying. I always thought people were stupid if they stayed with a cheating S, until I did. Then I see there are lots of issues involved that nobody else can see, and it's none of their **mn business anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

DogMom,
I'll try not to forget to send you the longest post trophy. BTW, is that 31 in dog years or human? I feel the same about the daily battle in the mind and emotions. My W trys to be understanding when I get moody but I think that she thinks I should just be able to put it behind me and be perky. Focus on her Love-Bank you know! I struggle with the fantasy of getting even by having my own affair. Don't know what I'd do if given the opp. Hopefully the right thing, but??? Would lose a lot if caught with 3 kids, job, reputation, marriage. Hey, wait a minute...if only she would have thought of those things prior to her E+P A. GRRR!!

Rocked,
Are you back in one of those leveling the playing field moods? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Do they consume you less now than when you first found out? Somebody told me that they start to go away. I'm not so sure.
Anyway, keep the faith!

True- are you serious that you want the info on the software? You let me know- the wy it works- ANY key he types on the computer (under his id or whatever) will be sent to you in an email. It logs emails, websites, AIM messages- EVERYTHING! That is how I "found" my H messages to OW. It costs $175 but it was the BEST money ever spent for me. EVER!!! I heard about it on ABC's 20/20 news show. So, let me know if you are serious.

Not actively. More of a mind consideration. Sometimes my getting back at her can take the shape of simply not being open to her needs and the progress in our relationship.

Weird thing, after I refused sex last night cuz I thought she only wanted to oblige me (I admit I was in a funky mood too), we tried this morning with a better attitude and low and behold it didn't work. No real interaction, no passion, couldn't finish the deal. Am I messed up? Getting old? Feeling a bit moody today again. Sorry if that was (TMI) too much info.

Not at all. I guess you were right before when you said we share more now that we've been betrayed. I am sorry for your mood, though.
I am starting to get anxious, because I'm going to my 1st counceling session with my parents pastor in about a half hour. What do I say? How will I get the words out " My husband had an affair?" I mean this man has known me since I was 13, and was at my wedding, and knows all about my family! Sorry, I'm just freaking out!

DogMom, yes I am serious!

Never too much info here, right? That is what we are here for!!! My H and I have still not attempted anything intimate- I think about it a lot and I want to try- but then I have visions of him shoving his tounge down that slut's throat and I want to vomit all over again! So, maybe that is TMI for you. Hey- atleast you have attempted it!!

And that is 31 years in PEOPLE years!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Are you STILL giving me a hard time about my name???? Do I need to change it for you Rocked???? I like making you itchy! he he he <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You crack me up that you have issues with my name... don't make me cry! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> he he he <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />