I will try and keep this short.<P>My husband left me 5 months ago saying he didnt love me anymore only been married 2 years. I was absolutely devastated my whole world fell apart.<P>Anyway, 2 months after he left he asked me if I would be friends with him in hope that his feelings would return. So for the last 3 months I have been seeing him on my own and going out as a family with our 18month baby. It has been so painful for me to do as he does not show me any affection at all, and he wouldnt let me show him any, even though its his top EN. He says things that hurt, and I miss him terribly when I dont see him. I have been plan Aing as much as I can. He just sees me as a friend and thats all. We get on so well and really enjoy going out together, but it hurts so much to know he doesnt feel anything for me.<P>This Sat he really hurt me and I told him I couldnt be friends anymore as it was to painful for me, I told him i do not want any contact with him, except for when he picks up our daughter once a week. He didnt try and change my mind, he just said to let him know if I change my mine.<P>So basically I have gone to Plan B. Im hurting like hell now, cant stop crying, I desperatly want to contact him. I miss him an love him so much and I cant imagine him not being in my life anymore.<P>i just dont know what to do now! Do I just accept now its all over? or do I go back to "friends". Could his love return? I am just so confused, and in so much pain.<P>Please somebody help me!

Dear LyndiLou - I'm sorry this is happening to you. I think you are right in going to plan B to protect your feelings. You still love him, but that can't last if he keeps hurting you. Please make sure you've done the following:<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Write him a plan B letter. Some background <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011046.html" TARGET=_blank>here</A>, including links to sample letters.<BR><LI>Make arrangements for a third party to be there when he picks up your daughter, so that you don't see him even then.<BR><LI>Set a time limit, maybe 3 to 6 months, but don't tell him what that limit is. The time limit is mainly for your own feelings.<BR></UL><BR>It doesn't say (at least in this post) if he was having an affair or something else was going on when he left. A lot of questions come to mind, but really the bottom line is plan B both to protect your feelings for the marriage, and also give you some chance to get organized in other parts of your life.<P>The letter is important. If you like, post a draft here or, even better, in the GQ2 forum because it gets more traffic.<P>Good luck,<P>Tom

To give you a bit more info, on my marriage. I had postnatal depression after the birth of our daughter, and basically I went into withdrawal for most of the time. Didnt give him any love or affection, I couldnt help it. The trouble is he took it all personally, and I think went into withdrawal himself, and this is when he decided he didnt love me anymore. Because I kept hurting him by not showing him any affection, I think he put up a wall to stop getting hurt, but I just cant bring that wall down. i am on different antidepressants and they are really helping.<P>As I said in my last post, when we spend time together we get on great. But nothing is changing at all. Maybe he needs some space and time to work out what his feelings are for me. There is nobody else involved thankfully.<P>I just dont know if I am doing the right thing.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>There is nobody else involved thankfully.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Are you saying this just because he said so? What makes you think there isn’t anyone else?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Maybe he needs some space and time to work out what his feelings are for me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You’ve only been married 2+ years. Getting away from someone is NOT a way to get close to them.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I have been plan Aing as much as I can. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Have you been doing a <B>GOOD</B> and consistent Plan A?

I know deffinately there is nobody else. He has been honest with me all the time, this is a very small town, and if he was seeing somebody else I would know about it.<P>Yes for 3 months I did a good Plan A, no lovebusting, but getting nowhere and just hurting myself.<P>H said if I ever wanted to go back to being "friends" just to let him know. I am now in plan B and it is so painful, I am now hurting even more.<P>I dont know wether to go back to being friends and hope in time, his feelings for me will change, its just so painful to do.<P>I am just so confused!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lyndilou:<BR><STRONG>I know deffinately there is nobody else. He has been honest with me all the time, this is a very small town, and if he was seeing somebody else I would know about it.<BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>If he has been honest with you all the time, why didn’t he say anything when he first felt there was nothing between you two?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I know deffinately there is nobody else. He has been honest with me all the time, this is a very small town, and if he was seeing somebody else I would know about it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Do you know where he is & who he is with and what they are doing at ALL times?<P>Most people here say the exact same thing. Then they find out there has been someone else for months/years.<P>I wouldn’t be so quick to rule it out. It is very understandable & unthinkable it could happen to you but it does happen time & time again.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am just so confused!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>It’s okay. The hurt, confusion and pain are going to be there. Just don’t let it rule your actions.