Hi. I'm new to this forum and please bear with me if I don't use the acronyms where they're supposed to be used.
We are in our 13th year of marriage and have 2 boys, 8 and 11. I've known about my h's A for five months now. They work in the same office. I found out about it because he practically told me about it. His behavior changed so I had to ask what's going on and he told me. My immediate response was to tell him I will move to another state where all my family is but the next day, I changed my mind and said not yet and I told him he had to make a choice. He said he needed some time so I decided to give him some time. But after a couple of weeks of waiting and snooping, I decided that he's waiting for the OW to make a decision whether they're going to go for it or not that's why he's delaying his decision with me. OW also has 2 kids, younger than mine but her h lives in another country and they only see each other when her h comes over or OW goes visiting him. The OW's FIL and MIL live with her. Finally, I didn't want the OW deciding my fate so I pressured h and he still couldn't make a decision. We were ready to work on the paper for D and the last minute, he decided he would stay for the kids. They broke up, but slowly renewed their relationship over the past few months. He would tell me things that would assure me that he's working on getting rid of his feeling for her but he could not help making contact with her since they work in the same office. Now we're back from where we started.He also said that he's tired of this situation where he has a relationship with two women so he wants to make a decision soon to and I think he's also trying to pressure OW but she won't be pressured. I wonder if should tell him now that he could do his figuring out somewhere else or just remain steadfast, look the other way and leave my fate to this other woman. H admitted that he's never felt like this before with anybody and that the only thing stopping him from leaving is his responsibility. Does anyone have an opinion whether I should tell OW's FIL and MIL? They knew about A then and even OWH, but I'm not sure if they know if this is still going on.
Writing all this now makes me realize that I've been so gullible and maybe I should have been a little bit more stern?Of the more than 13 years that I've known him, he's always been so honest that's why it's hard not to believe what he tells me even in a situation like this.<p>I would appreciate any advice
confused50x

confused50x,<p>Welcome to MB. Follows the links on my sig you pretty much cover the basic MB.<p>What you have is false recovery. There was two issues, one is that you didn't address the M problem w/ plan A and second you did not follow the narrow path of recovery.<p>Let the A out in the open. It is one time LB'ed that you could have, it is your choice how to let it out. By keep it secret you accepting H's A !!!.<p>Learn as much as you can about EN, LB, LB$, and plan A/B if you have not. Read HNHN & SAA.<p>Good luck.

hi redhat<p>Thank you for replying. I actually read SAA and so did H and he was sold to the methods. But because they broke up the week b-4 my b-day, he decided to wait the following weekend b-4 we go through the book to avoid anymore stress during my b-day(which was a Sunday). But he kept delaying it, until after a few weeks he decided that he didn't want to go through the book anymore because he claimed that it was not going to work for him and he was going to do it his way. Been trying to follow planA but when the situation is practically open and staring me in the face, it's sometimes hard to keep calm.<p> I understand that the job market situation being as it is right now prohibits any move away from his company. Since I'm a SAHM, the move would make it more difficult.<p> When you mention let the A out in the open, how open? Everybody we know(including co-workers)? His parents and a couple of his and my relatives know about it, practically all of my friends and a couple of closefriends of his.<p>-confused50x

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by confused50x:
<strong>... When you mention let the A out in the open, how open? Everybody we know(including co-workers)? His parents and a couple of his and my relatives know about it, practically all of my friends and a couple of closefriends of his.
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Close freinds and family usually are enough and of course OW's too.<p>Until A dies and no contact, you have to chance of restoring M.<p>Wonder if you could print trueheart post on my sig and lay out somewhere around.