I want to thank everyone who has posted in response to my writings, it has really helped alot. I need help today, AGAIN! My WH is in an EA with co-worker.(No PA as far as I know, things have been well with the two of us in that department). He came to me the middle of last week and told me that he spoke to her and told her that he has "no committment" to her, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> wants to stay with "his boys" no matter how unhappy he is (which I tend to think he is just telling her to save face because I have been applying plan A like crazy for the last 4 months and I am really seeing baby step improvements). He told her that he cannot visit as much because it it wearing him out. I think he finally saw that his boys were missing him so much. He told me it was "becoming a chore" to go see her, and "its always a problem with her teenage son over there". But-he still feels bad for her. Sounds good right? He asked me if I was "happy", I told him I thought it was a step in the right direction for us. He knows that I want no contact, (he is leavng his job in June for sure). I am happy but---suspicious at the same time. I know that trust takes a long time to rebuild, I know, I know, I know. He does seem relieved at little, is affectionate towards me, I believe I am meeting all his EN's, I still just dont know and I guess I will never know for sure. Shouldnt I just be enjoying this????
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
D-day 10/12/02-WH told me he wanted to leave, his EN's were not met for 4 years.We deceided to work on marriage.
D-day 1/14/03-"wasnt connecting" with me, didnt know why, I mentioned co-worker friend-EA maybe?? He told me yes. He didnt seem to realize it himself until I mentioned it.
2/12/03-Told EA "no commitment to her".

You should look at it as a positive sign I would think. My WW did the same thing, first she started missing the kids terribly (thank God) so she started coming to the house more and more and that gave me a chance to spend some time with her in plan A. Things have SLOWLY been going in the right direction since then. At least you know when they start missing the kids that they are thinking about things a little clearer. I have found it helps me to imagine the absolute worse case scenario, try to accept that as what's going to happen and then take it as it comes. It's hard to think that way but it's so easy to get your hopes up when you want something so badly it can really crush you when they don't work out like you've hoped. Just MVHO.

Starman

Thanks for your reply, I know exactly what you are saying, I think I have already thought about the worst case and have come to grips with that, I know that I would be ok. I guess I should be positive. I got an I Love you last night from him after I said it. I have been saying it since Oct, he was saying it for a while, then stopped when he realized he was in EA with OW, he didnt want to "say it and not mean it." I am optimistic/wary. I know that he will still see OW at work/e-mail/ and maybe outside of work, but he is definetely leaving in June for new job, holding on till then. Good luck with Plan A-it is THE HARDEST thing to do. I am really putting that mirror up to myself and changing for the better.

I've just started posting and reading others experiences, it sure does help to know that others are experiencing similar things and that I'm not crazy in sticking it out. I've just started Plan A and trying not to be overly optimistic, but already I'm feeling better. WH even said he noticed a change in my attitude the last time he was home. That was a positive response in such a short time don't you think? He'll be home tomorrow thru the next day and I'm looking forward to working some Plan A magic. Ok so I am being optimistic. After the past few weeks of conflict and getting nowhere, I'm ready for this! It certainly can't hurt and at least the kids can enjoy a good visit again.