I have had a great weekend with my WH, but-- yesterday he was very grouchy and I know that he has not talked, seen or e-mailed OW since friday. I thought this might be the start of withdrawal (he probobly wont see her all week-vacation) so I tried to be as nice, helpful as I could be. I asked what was wrong and he told me that he thinks because I stay up in our bedroom awake and I dont sleep until he comes to bed that he feels like I am "spying". (waiting for him to get off computer). I told him I just cant get to sleep and he knows this because I am on Xanax and have now gotten some sleeping pills. ( I dont take at the same time even though sometimes I want to). He told me he is trying to find a way to "get rid of her" but then again doesnt know if he wants to because of my behavior. I know he feels like sometimes I am smothering. (i think he is right) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I just cant do anything right. I am feeling optimistic about this BUT--- mad at the same time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I know what I need to back off a bit, and I really thought I was doing a great job-it obviously is working to some degree. I wish I could sleep. He told me she is telling him that he is "ignoring her", DER-he told her last week that he has "no commitment" to her and will not be seeing her outside of work as much or be chatting on line. This OW is starting to really P*ss me off!! If anyone has some advice please let me know.

Married 14 years, 2 boys- 9 and 6
10/12/03-D-day-WH tells me wants to leave, has been unhappy for 4 years. We deceided to work on marriage.
1/12/03-WH says "not connecting" with me, doesnt know why. I mention possible EA with co-worker, looks genuinely surprised and says yes.
2/14/03- WH tells OW he has "no commitment" to her.

Hi - sorry to hear your in oain and are angry .
I only hav opion to offer not great at adivce because I barely take it myself .

Does OW no husband is home ? what does she know ?
Was it a PA?

Anyway I would say back off this week he is on vacation . If he is not seeing her this week , then withdrawl is likely But he is seeing you.

Go to a movie ,rent a tape cook his favorite dinner or see if you can do something from the past that was fun when you first met .

Don't go near that compute in front of him or get court spying in any way this week that he is home .

( I said don't get court ) LOL GO to bed sleep is the best thing you need alot of energy for this ride .

If you are not knew hear then I am sure someone has already told you this .

So take care of you and post to vent and someone will always be around to talk to .

And by the way DON"T get wraped up into OW pissing you off that is from experiance it will stop you from focusing on your M . And will cause LB all the time .BE WELL

3isacrowd,

Thanks for the reply. I am trying to do my best to take care of myself, the sleep part is by far the worst. I think in the last 4 months I have gotten maybe a week's worth of full night sleep. My WH is home, he told me he doesnt want to leave the kids. I know the EA is not a PA because we are doing fine in that department (thanks to fate??) It always seems like it is one step forward 5 steps back with this plan A. It is by far the hardest thing I have EVER done. I have to admit though, as each day goes by I am feeling alot better about myself and I do feel stronger. Posting on this site has been like therapy, thank god I found it!! I am starting counseling tommorrow, I am looking forward to hearing what the professional has to say, any help right now is appreciated. Thanks again for the reply, are you in Plan A as well?

Hi again, yes I guess you would say I am inm paln A for the 100th time can't get ahandle on LB .OW is very involed. I post on JUST FOUND OUT my story is there at least the second half of it . I am on alot just give a yell and I will check in and out . there are great people hear to bounce things off of . I am one for listening , if you feel you need a shoulder to cry on consider me a tissue LOL .

SOME don't get in to that but everyone is human we all want someone to feel sorry for what we are going through sometimes.LOL
I do agree plan A is he!! but if there is no PA then you are in a good way ,I think it is different contact . Without him knowing think of things that you to could do to distract the computer contact.

Sleep well I know I think I lasted on an hour a day when I first started out ,then it was nightmares .

Search deep in you and find what defined you when you to started ,before kids and even marriage .

Enjoyments your attiude , I also found more ways to ways to communicate through his interests I mean I watch more football now then ever ,even took interest in golf . I ended up liking both so that was good . LOL

I don't know what to say glad to hear you are going to consoling they will tell you one thing you are not crazyLOL

BE Well , I'll be around nice to talk to someone

3isacrowd,

thanks again for your reply. I am trying to do the things that you spoke about, We have been going to hockey games together since october, and we went to the movies and out to eat. I am really trying to connect. My counseling appt went well, I really think it is going to help me. My WH and I spoke tonite about our future together, future job plans he has, where we will go in the summer. I take this as a good sign. He told me he spoke to co worker OW and told her he is not leaving his house and that she needs to understand that nothing is going to happen between them. He told me that I need to relax, (RIGHT) and things will fall into place, I think he means that eventually we will be close again. I cannot wait until June, he will be leaving his job then. Not that that will stop him from e-mailing or seeing her but at least it wont be everyday. I think he will still see her occasionally but not as much as before 2 or 3 times a week, he told me it is taking up too much of his time. Who knows? It is so hard to stay postive sometimes. I read some of your story, you are strong. The OW in your story and the OW in my story are practically the same person, no family to lean on and both are divorced and treated very badly by XH's. I hope that everything works out, I guess all you can do is take it day by day. Stay strong!

POSITIVE I wonder what person invented the word or its meaning , not one who went through this .

No I am not a strong person or I would have BEAT her $lut a$$ along time ago LOL.

ON another note , things sound like they are going in the right direction .

1 H leaving his JOB even if it is in JUNE is a "positve" thing .
2 Him telling OW they won't see eachother and he is staying home GOOD Very GOOD

I do know first hand how hard this PLAN A is , but it is right in the beging for you so PLEASE stay strong with it .

Others around here that I have read about have some simalar situations and did same as you and it worked .

The hardest part will be in the beging you may want to talk the A to death , ( this is the part I had problem with) just work on you and let him bring it up when he is ready . Sometimes that feels like it will never happen

If you NEED to express yourself and get something off your chest or are feeling disrespected talk about it but in a loving way not ,blaming selfish, or angree . DON"T LB

But don't be a door mat (like me)

That is JMO it is easier said then done .
The good times you spend together are important that he sees that is how it is going to be .

Eveyting will fall into place as long as he has N/C with OW. He can be coimg out of FOG and go back in IF they get close again .(don't want to depress you but being honest)

And you should set a time limit in case she starts up again and he starts seeing her . If you can do this till JUNE and wait for job change GREAT , If he starts seeing OW and he is CAKE EATING then PLAN B should be considered .JMO

BE WELL , BE STRONG

I am much better at being leaned on ,then leaning . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

3isacrowd,

thanks again, today has been tough. I am tired. I didnt sleep last night AGAIN, and I am JUST TIRED. Tired of thinking about A, tired of trying hard, harder and hardest. Tired of the whole thing. I think I will be going to sleep early tonight, maybe I will sleep??? I am sure you have gone through this "tired" phase, I feel like throwing in the towel even though things seem to be going okay. This Plan A truly is a life sucker. My plan is to hold on and Plan A until June and see where that takes us. I truly dont know. And I dont like you saying that you are not strong, you are doing the most courageous thing you could ever do in your life. You know it is easier to throw in the towel but you are trying against so much, I really give you alot of credit. I hope someday you will be rewarded 10 fold, you deserve it.

Put kidsn to sleep , no matter what time .

GO INTO a real hot bath and if you smoke take a cigerette or a glass of wine or BOTH LOL

Then go to bed . If you don't do it tonight then save all the above items for the next tired day .
oh and bubble bath how could I forget .

Keep these things in your house all the time now LOL
Start doing face mask , oil your body any thing about you to relax you and feel like a "girl" agian .

Haveing kids some forget ( I know I was long over do ) some women never do that great but did .

Also in plan A I noticed that when you break ,when your with them and go off into bathroom or where ever they start to notice that change also the more you do it H might see that you are or could be ok without him around .

It makes them wonder maybe not at first but it is not for them it is for you.

Well go get some shut eye .

Oh and keep up the good work ,got to go not doing to good over here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

One more thing , GENERAL QUESTION gets more people there to respond

OR JUST FOUND OUT

Not to many people over here , you will get more response then just plan old me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />