I met with my Husband 3 days ago and told him how I felt (whole story is found in "How Do I Plan A?".

I got an email from him today right before I left work. It was definitely not the response I was looking for. Or perhaps I'm just not seeing anything good from it. Those of you who are heard many more stories, PLEASE HELP!! I cried all the way home and I fell down to my knees as soon as I got here. It just hurts!

He started out by saying that he hoped I was doing well. He knew that I didn't expect him to respond to our conversation from 3 days ago but he wanted me to know that he did hear every word I said.

He said he knew of some of the problems I wrote down on my "failure" list I gave him. He just never said anything about it. He admits that our biggest fault was communication. We didn't have any. We could joke and have a small chat here and there but he could never tell me when he felt uncomfortable about what I said or did. He said he doesn't know why. He said it's something that came from when we were dating. He didn't feel that we had an open relationship.

He did acknowledge that he knew the list could have gone on and on and not just mine, but his as well. Though he hasn't shown me his list, he said he did write one. He then said that he knew his decision was a last minute thing and that it hurt me very much. He said he was sorry and that he did mean it. He told me to hold on to God and never let go of him and I will come out victorious. He then said that when he gets back to praying, he will pray that I find a man whom I can trust, not just because he's my partner in life but because I feel that I can trust him.

He then just said that he knew he was getting a bit confusing 'cause he was even losing himself, so he'd end it there. He said "God Bless you and have a great life. Don't let anything come between you and your dreams. Good Bye!"

This all hurt me very much because it is not what I wanted him to reply. Am I just jumping the gun here and running to conclusions too soon? He was very kind in the way he worded himself and I'm guessing it's because I did it the same way when we met. Doesn't he understand that the ONLY partner in life that I want his HIM??? He became my life partner almost 5 years ago and I expected it to be just that....for LIFE! I just don't know what to think. I feel like I'm back to day one all over again. WHAT DO I DO?? Please, I need advice. ANYONE!!!

{{{{{Hopeful}}}}}

I'm so sorry this has happened... I know how you're feeling and how hard it is... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He's still in the fog. You know that don't you? Remember how you said he talked about getting wedding bands, how he was so loving weeks before he left... the feelings are still there... he's just not letting them out. He's feeling guilty too and I think this is good. The part about finding someone else... been there done that. This way they don't have to feel sooo guilty.

This is going to take time and patience... I think being patient was the hardest part for me. Have you heard the term "baby steps" on MB? Well, that's what it takes. And you've started taking those baby steps. You opened up and expressed your feelings to your H... you did this calmly and respectfully... your H responded likewise... it wasn't what you wanted to hear.. but it's a change from how he treated you previously and now you know where he's at (still in the fog.) These are baby steps... going forward.

How would you feel about replying to him.. thanking him for his e-mail.. letting him know you love him... you are thinking about him... and you'll always be there if he wants to talk?

And it's back to Plan A and taking care of you.

Have you received SAA yet? It will help you.

Hang in there hopeful...

H&S

PS - You might want to post this on GQII - your stories there as well and more people post there.

Thank you for the hug H&S

I'm glad to hear it's still FOG TALK. I wasn't sure. He has been telling me that I deserve someone better since the night he left. I understand now that it's just to cover their own guilt. Thanks.

Time and patience? Being patient is definitely the HARDEST thing for me. I just get so desperate some days that I cry out to God and demand that he bring him back to me. I know I shouldn't do that but it just hurts so much that I can't imagine living without him forever. Baby step, yes. I recently read "Hope for the Separated" by Gary Chapman and I remember a phrase he mentions in the beginning. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step". Perhaps one "baby" step.

Thank you so much for replying to this. I prayed last night 'cause I was just losing it so bad and I asked God to please tell me what I need to do now. I've asked him many times to show me if I need to give up on my M and move on but every single time I've asked, he's answered with a "Be Patient". I know he answered me AGAIN thru your reply. When I read it this morning, it made me cry (tears of happiness) to know that he was answering with another "Be Patient".

Yes, I took your advice and I replied to my H. I thanked him for his response. I told him that I loved him and thought of him often. I also reminded him that he's in my prayers every day and I did tell him that I'll always be here if he wants to talk. That's exactly how short it was. I wanted to say so much more but I would just be LBing and I just can't do that in Plan A.

I really do need to take care of myself. Last night was just very bad for me. I just wanted my life to end that moment. I would never do such a thing but I know that the devil is working hard to turn me against God. Perhaps I will go to the Dr soon and get something for the depression.

Yes, I received SAA in the mail yesterday. I've started it already.

I'm hanging on as best as I can. Thank You!
Hang in there hopeful...

PS - Thanks for the suggestion about posting on GQII too. Not many responses yet but I know I'll get them.

Me again!

I just spoke to my cousin and she was telling me that she spoke to my H yesterday. He told her about our conversation and how he replied to me a few days ago. He did confess that the fight he had after our talk did have to do with OW. It was a guy that has been bothering her, so he was defending her. She asked him if he was still with her then and he said they've been working at it. How can he give it a try in working it out with OW and NOT ME??????????? He just quit with me. I don't understand. He just met her some months back but has known me for about 18 years!!!! I'm hurt but I do understand that this is still FOG TALK. When we met last Sunday I told him that if he decided to come back, to know that he would find many open arms. I told him that the widest arms he would find would be that of his wives. When he was talking to my cousin yesterday he told her what I told him and made it seem that he didn't care what he was doing now 'cause I had told him I'd be there with my arms open whenever he wanted. I didn't mean FOREVER!! What do I do now??

How could he ask me to pray for him when he was going to beat up some guy that was bothering OW?? The NERVE of him!!!!

I'm so hurt and lost. PLEASE HELP!!!!!