My H has had at least 2 affairs. The first was in 1999. I found out by looking into his email. Wherein, he corresponded describing the sorted details of their love-making. I confronted him about it. Of course he denied denied denied. And turned the tables about me reading his e-mail. I know that he has kept in-touch, I don't believe they have had any contact since 2000. I also know about another affair over the internet. No personal contact. But now the kicker is a co-worker he is/had an affair with. I confronted him and of course he denies.

I showed him evidence, which he pushes to the side and ignores and argues that I am delusional. He says he wants us to have a better relationship and he wants me to trust him again. But I know what I know! How can I forgive? Better yet, how can I get to Plan A or B of total separation when there is total denial?

I don't want to separate. I want to learn how to get past this. I want to learn how to trust again. I want to learn how to let down these wall of protection/barriers I have so that I can move on.

In the book Divorce Busting, which by the way is a good compliment to the books and methods here, the author talks about the concept of "It takes 1 to Tango". It means you can work on the marriage mainly by yourself and even if the spouse's defenses are up s/he will notice the changes in you and will probably become more responsive. In my case Plan A and 1 to tango approaches likely saved my marriage from a meltdown, but I am still trying to break my W away from the A. I've reached a plateau in which I think she is maintaining anger and negativeity towards me to lessen her guilt about continuing the A.

FAM_MAN

ter yet, how can I get to Plan A or B of total separation when there is total denial?
Plan A and Plan B require nothing of him. It's all you doing it.

Read the links below.