My husband and I have been married for only one year but have been together for eight years prior. We have no children. I found out at the end of Jan that H was having a EA with girl at work.

I tried plan A, while he was trying to "decide" what he wanted to do. One day he wanted to work things out, the next he would tell me can't give the OW up. He lived with me but saw her after work at night. Says he loves her and me also. He is guilt ridden and very sorry he has done this to me. Yesterday he decided that it was no longer fair to live with me while still seeing her. He cannot give her up so he has decided to move in with her. He is leaving at the end of the week.

My question is this: Does this mean I automatically move to Plan B. The fact is, he will have very little reason to talk to me or see me as we have no children. I only anticipate discussing financial matters. Any suggestions on how to act once he leaves? Should I avoid all contact (Plan B) or should I tried to continue Plan A by calling him and trying to schedule time with him (which I don't know if he will agree to)? I really think it will seem like I am chasing him if I try to continue Plan A but I am afraid that Plan B will bring him and the OW closer together. Any advice?

I'm no expert but I think I would go with Plan B. You don't want to seem needy and he probably needs some space and time to think. I think what they say is that the OW only fulfills SOME of his EN. You fulfill the rest. Let him try it. They say it will usually end in 6 months or less because reality will set in, it won't seem so special anymore, etc. God bless your hurting heart!

Thanks for the reply. Plan B is going to be really hard. I cannot imagine my life without him. I don't know how I can still love him so much after what he has done. I don't know how long I can wait for him while he is living life with her.

shocked

My WH said the exact same things to me. He did the same exact thing also. Except we have a 3 YO S and I have an 11 YO D from P M. We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 7. He has been with my D since she was 18 MO old. My WH had trouble giving up his OW also. He saw her at work every night before he left to come home to me. It killed me. I actually think it is easier now that he is not living here anymore. I don't know what he does and it is not as painful. I think he is in more pain than I am at this point. He only sees S twice a week, when he used to spend hours with him everyday. I hope your heart finds peace here with friends as I have. I also don't know how long I can wait, or if I really want to when it is over. Although they say it can be twice as good after the A filling each others EN. Good Luck!

If you have done a good Plan A, time for Plan B.

I think I have done a good Plan A but I have not been able to do it for very long...only just over 3 weeks. Before the EA our marriage was a good marriage - not a bad one. We get along, enjoy each other, etc. No fighting. No really big problems (except of course this). When I told WH about no contact, he did not know how he felt about it. I asked him if he still wanted to spend time together and talk but he said he wants to but is not sure if that would only make things harder. I know that Plan B is no contact, but what if he tries to reach out to me...I mean the OW had no qualms about talking to my husband when he was with me...why should I stay away from him while they are together? Should I try to be his friend? Any thoughts?

It will probably not help to try to contact him. Have you read the 180 list? Stay in Plan A and do that.