This is what I just can't understand:

WH has told me numerous times that he knows he and OW have no future together. (She's 32 and wants to get married and have kids - he doesn't want to.) They break up a LOT (30-some times in less than a year). And everytime they break up they supposedly have both realized it has to end, and they will never contact each other again... She 'can never look at him the same' since he came back to me for one week last July. She 'was assured his family was totally out of his life' and she 'won't be 2nd place' so she has major issues with him having visitation with his daughters and helping to pay for their activities. Things will never be the same as they were before the affair was exposed.

BUT they always get back together. The break-ups are lasting longer and longer and are obviously taking a toll on my husband's health (emotional, mental, physical and financial). His daughters are becoming more and more disgusted with him. He's burning bridges he might not ever be able to repair (even if I helped). He's making a fool of himself. He's embarrassed but he can't help himself.

So WHY doesn't he take advantage of the help available to get rid of his addiction to her once and for all? Why does he put himself through this over and over again? My daughters and I got off the roller coaster and with or without him will have a happy future. Why the heck would he want to play make-up/break-up with her anymore?!? I mean I could understand it if he divorced me, dumped her, and started a new life with somebody new. Same with her: why doesn't she she dump him for a man who would actually want to get married and have kids with her?

I understand about the fog and addiction but come on folks! Are my husband and the OW just incredibly dense and/or weak-willed and will never get on with their lives? LOL I can see it now: fast forward to a couple years down the road... myself happily married to a new man, one who understands how to build a happy marriage and avoid the trap of adultery, but my (ex)husband and OW will still be playing teeny-bopper make-up/break-up. And if they're fighting this much now about him not wanting to meet her demands, what's his game plan for after September 15th when the divorce is final?!? He'll have no excuse to not marry her then so then what?

What idiots - I say they deserve each other.

But I really would like to know what they could possible be thinking ?!?!? I just don't understand it.

Who knows. They're playing childish high school games. Maybe they didn't get to do that when they were younger. He is burning his bridges and one day he will be sorry but right now he doesn't even realize.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> LOL I can see it now: fast forward to a couple years down the road... myself happily married to a new man, one who understands how to build a happy marriage and avoid the trap of adultery, but my (ex)husband and OW will still be playing teeny-bopper make-up/break-up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can see it too for you and I both! Hang in there sweety!

I would casually mention to WH that some OW get pregnant intentionally to hang on to men. I hope he takes that into consideration.

Hi believer,

"I would casually mention to WH that some OW get pregnant intentionally to hang on to men. I hope he takes that into consideration."

Yes, I did try to talk to him a couple of times about this. (In Plan B now though so no conversations about it anymore) But WH is one of those guys who believes if a woman is using bc (any form) it's 100% safe/effective - believes the failure rate is totally explained away by failure to use properly or forgetting to use it...

Actually WH brought it up frequently (not specifically saying he was worried she would 'accidently' get pregnant - but that she expects to get married and have more kids). It's something they fight a lot about. My WH revealed to me on Valentine's Day that it's not just that her biological clock is ticking and she wanted to have more kids (in general). Since he has 3 daughters with me she apparently can never forgive him if he doesn't have babies with her too... It's a 'bond' he shares with me that he has to have with her too or else. (Like THAT's a really responsible reason to bring more babies into the world - spoiled brat) It REALLY bothers her that he had resumed contact with us in July, started having visitation with our daughters again. She had him all to herself for a while, had been assured his family was totally out of his life, and she's upset that she would have to share him with his daughters.

The last time I tried to discuss it with WH he got angry and said I was trying to make the OW sound like a sl*t; he said she wasn't going to get pregnant because he wasn't even divorced yet (SO? She didn't wait for a divorce to spread her legs! And she already has a child out of wedlock from another guy. No - I didn't say that out loud to him)

I know my WH is very upset about her demanding marriage and babies. OW slept with WH for at least a year (maybe two - when I suspect affair started) but they didn't discuss future plans (after divorce) until last September (when divorce was supposed to happen but he agreed to drop divorce and sign one year separation agreement instead - because I refused to let him see me after divorce and he wanted me to come along for visitation with daughters! Gave me an opportunity to Plan A) I tried to warn WH that OW would be angry that divorce was delayed, because she would want him to marry her then. He said (in front of our daughters) that he had no plans to marry her - that they'd never discussed it. I think he naively believed that things between OW and himself would always just stay in affair status even after divorce! Obviously she had other plans and they have been fighting about it ever since.

Now, what part of he is having a mid-life crisis and wanted to dump his wife and kids and just screw around minus responsibility did she not get? LOL WH has major committment issues and felt 'trapped' in our marriage. He asked me to marry him, I waited patiently until he decided he was ready to have kids, I didn't check up on him or boss him around... and now he's 'in love' with this demanding control freak who keeps him on a very short leash LOL He's so in love he can't help himself and sometimes says he's considering giving her what she demands (marriage/babies)! He will be miserable - already is LOL. And he WILL end up hating her for it. There's no way they're marriage would last anyway. (But she probably won't care because she'll get child support and visitation - what my daughters and I have - and that's what she's really after, to even the score)

Everytime they make-up I pray she doesn't get pregnant.

He's not ready to admit that he made a horrible mistake. Oh my, OW's not gonna last if she expects WS to give up his daughters.

If you ever dared to go to that website(gloryb) then you might get a glimpse of what some OW will hang onto for their own demented benefit.They have low self esteem to the hilt over there and they are willing to take scraps because scraps are better than nothing.

Your WH is sick,addictions are a sickness,that's why he can't break free from this OW.He is powerless.My WH is similar.He has said "good bye" to the homewrecker(HW) twice already(was going to for a third time) and despite all he has to lose,continues to rationalize away even though he and HW have about a shred of a possible happy ending if that.

The HW in my case is 30,unmarried,no kids and lives with another dysfunctional woman with her own relationship problems so I'm sure they support each other in their warped ways but WH seems oblivious to what is very obvious to the rest of us,even if we weren't his relatives. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Like Dr.Phil says,"You can't make sense of nonsense".I stopped trying to figure out my WH a long time ago.Much of what he says and does is classic adulterer material but why he keeps going back for more is beyond me.I think he keeps hoping against all hope that what he is doing will actually turn out well afterall.What a gamble!

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you ever dared to go to that website(gloryb) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you post a link to that site...I suspect would prove interesting reading...

Don't EVER post a link to that website.

I am the FWW and I read about it here and went to look out of curiosity.

Those women made me sick to my stomach! They are mainly single women who prey on MM for sport - or that's what it seemed like to me before it made my flesh creep and I had to get away from it.

And as you can see I am the WW.

Jenny

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

The gloryb website is truly a trip through he** so I wouldn't recommend it.You will receive no benefit except satisfying a morbid curiosity at best.It made me nauseous at one point.

O

There has to be some kind of payoff your WH gets when they play make-up. My WH is losing so much by continuing his affair. His relationship with his family, children and even work is suffering. No OP is spectacular enough to be worth that.

I think with my WH a big factor is saving face. He's lied to so many people for so long that he doesn't know how to explain it now if he ever came back home. He wants me to pretend that I am forcing him to come home (or else he can't see his daughters). He actually told OW and his mother that (and they supposedly believed him...) The truth is he was crying and begging me to let him come home and I said no because he has to tell OW (and his mother and whoever) that HE wants to come home. He says it shouldn't matter to me what I tell them...

So it's not just does he want me enough to end the affair... does he want me enough to tell the truth and be embarrassed? His mother told me yesterday that if he wants to come home and I say no (because I won't let him lie about WHY he's coming home - won't pretend I'm forcing him to come home) then I don't really love him. He wants it, he should get it the way he wants it, or I don't really love him (according to his Mommy) Never mind my self-respect, what my daughters will think of me, how it will just enable him to stray again... just let him come home with no accountability, no explanations, and him taking no blame or responsibility... because that's what her baby boy WANTS!

<small>[ April 26, 2004, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>