After 25+ years, we've finally identified that Passive aggressive behavior (PA) has been a factor in our marriage. It was probably in part behind his attraction to another women and resulting actions a few years ago. Part of the PA tactics is withdrawal and I dealt with that for more than 20 years. That led to my anger and the vicious cycle continued. So anyone have any experience with PA behavior with their spouses?

ASK YOUR QUESTION, IN GENERAL QUESTION.

I'm not really sure if this is what my h does but it sounds so familiar. My h runs away emotionally for months, he has work triggers, home triggers and literally leaves me emotionally alone in our marriage. The longest "out" period we've experienced was 3 yrs, it killed me and almost killed our whole marriage. I've been married for 11.5 yrs with 3 children I love my h dearly but I still don't understand him. He will poke his head out every once in a while and he'll be the best h and then without warning he'll go away. I will walk on eggshells during this time and try to do everything right and he always goes away again. I ask him why he is different during these points and he says he isn't he's always been this way I just don't notice...NOT TRUE.

The last really good time was probably 2 yrs ago, he was great we were great and he wanted to go up for a promotion. He became extremely stressed during this time,and eventually didn't get it and he then became withdrawn. In strange ways too he stopped telling me he loved me, and I dealt with it for a while but asked why and he became upset with me accusing me of messing up our marriage.

Another time we were great for a few weeks and again I walked on eggshells and there was something small he'd done that bothered me. I didn't want to argue but it was festering so I decided to talk it out with him so it didn't make me angry for keeping it inside and making me ugly. He was playing a video game and I began talking to him he wouldn't look up from the television. I sat there and waited like 15 min. then I said here lets turn off the television a minute and then he stared at a blank screen and wouldn't acknowledge me it was strange. Of course he was withdrawn and didn't come out for months. Does any of this sound familiar? I can't explain him well. He also gets in his vehicle and drives for not 1 hr or 2 hrs anywhere from 8 to 12 hrs after an argument. The longest was 3 days. When I argue I am ready to make up within and hour or 2, him he drives that long and comes home withdrawn and further and further away there is no communication and no making up.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, I guess it will never change even when I am married for 25+ yrs.

Toni