After reading His Needs Her Needs for Parents, currently separated, and in counseling, the kids and I are returning home at the end of the school year. Here's the problem. My husband says he "is willing to give" me an hour every night and a block of 4 hours on the weekend for a date. (According to Dr. Harley 15 hours minimum should be spent with each other/undivided attention when things are good, more when they are not. Neither of us is in love with each other anymore. We have messed it up, not w/ infidelity, but through many marriage busters and through not meeting each others emotional needs). We have 4 beautiful children, 8 and under. We were spending literally no time alone together before I left w/ the kids. (I was sleeping on the couch a lot, very depressed about being completely ignored, and taking care of a new-born single-handedly-he had zero interest in her). I found an almost used up sample of Viagra pills he was using in my absence. I am grossed out, but willing to try my very best to make it work. (His best friend moved into our downstairs fifth bedroom a week after we left and his dog bit our three year old daughter on the torso today. We have been gone since February 1, when reportedly my husband hit our son on the head with his fist and grabbed our eight year old daughter by the neck-which he adamantly denies and which our daughter told a number of people the day it purportedly happened. My husband says I have hurt him by leaving and that he is angry with me. He is supposedly addressing his anger in counseling. He hit me once in the face 6 years ago, during a fight in which he says would never have occurred had I not provoked him. He contols all the finances, as he is self-employed and therefore hands me a check to put in the bank which includes my bi-monthly allowance, the grocery money and the 100 dollars per month for the 4 kids clothing, shoes and haircuts. He says if I want to have a say in how the money is spent, I should get a job. He says you can't budget money if you don't have it. Then he says we can either spend it during the year and have a little better lifestyle or save it for retirement at the end of the year-either way it would be nice to be included in that decision. And he wants me to set a date of our return.) Ideas?
