I don't know what to do? I have been married for 19 years.<BR>I found out that my husband was having email relationships with other women, maybe more. One of these women is the daughter of a couple we have been close friends with for many years. He would trash me online to her, share books he read with her,(I am an avid reader.), would tell her where we were going for dinner so she could show up with friends, send her postcards from our family vacations, etc. This girl is half his age.<BR>He is turning 55 next week,I am in my mid 40's. Is this a mid life crisis?<BR>We have 2 children,11&14. He completely ignores them most of the time. When he does make some effort it is usually half hearted, so they don't embrace his efforts. When this happens he stomps away mad.<BR>None of us can seem to make him happy, or please him. Everything we do isn't right, or what he wants.<BR>All of us are completely frustrated. It is getting impossible to live with him. He jumps all over us for nothing. Things never used to be like this.But it is not the children and I who have changed.<BR>He has stoped with the other women, so he has said. This seems to have made him worse.I keep telling him we should separate until he can deciede what he wants.He refuses to do this. I think he refuses because he is to lazy to make that effort.He had his girlfriends and us before, I'm sure that's how he wants it again.<BR>I truly believe he doesn't love us anymore, but feels a divorce is to messy.<BR>I have sugested a marriage counselor, but he says why? He says he didn't do anything wrong. I can't take much more. I am always on edge and can't think straight.I worry about the kids and how it is affecting them. I think if he walked out the door tomorrow I would breath a sigh of relief.I really don't see much of a future for us as a family.I just have a hard time believing this is the man I married. He used to be so loving to us all.<BR>

Dear lauren anne<P>Just found your message. I have no idea what to say. Perhaps others feel the same so haven't posted. Does he really feel that he hasn't done anything wrong at all? I think it will be hard to sort things out if he doesn't accept any responsibility or offer any explainations or apologies. I don't know how long things have been like they are but for your own peace of mind you might need to take your time in order to come to the right decision about what to do and you're the only person who can decide.<P>Sorry - I know this isn't very helpful at all but at least my reply will get your message higher on the list! and perhaps someone who can help more will.<P>At the moment I don't really feel like I know enough about it all to advise anyone about anything!<P>Thinking of you.<P>

Dear Biddy,<BR>Thanks for the response. You did confirm what I was thinking.If he doesn't think he did anything wrong, how can we begin to work things out.<BR>After long and deep thinking, I believe he DIDN'T have a physical relationship with these women. (Everything else but!)<BR>I think that is how he is justifying the "I did nothing wrong". We had a confortation the other day We yelled, screamed , cried, and most importantly talked.<BR>I told him I could understand, and forgive him if this had been a one night stand. They are usually physical, and very impulsive. If he would have come up and told me and asked for my forgivness. Instead I must learn to forgive and trust a man that has lied, decieved, and betrayed me in the one of the worst ways possible. He has had caring,ongoing emotional relationships with other women.<BR>I am new to MB, and didn't give much history.<BR>Our family has moved around the country, for the last 12 years to promote my husband's career.I have sacrificed my homes, my friends, and my family for this man. He always said it was a partnership, we were doing this for all of us.<BR>I truly believed that we were working as one, as a strong family unit. When he finally landed his last job, he completely excluded us.I asked if I could help in the office, he said no.He would work all day, then bring his laptop home and work most of the evening. I felt totally excluded and ignored. I have learned from this that no matter how much you love a man you must never give up your wants and needs for his. If you do, you loose your sense of self and become nothing more then an extension of him.I think the email that hurt the most was when he told one of his"friends""The guys are pretty well trained at this point,(around Jan.)I can pretty well cruise now". He never told me this, or used it to spend more time with me and the kids.<BR>He used it to spend more time emailing his "friends"!<BR>Anyway I have gone on too long. <BR>Again, thank you for your response.<BR>I have given myself a time frame of a year from discovery to deciede what action I will take.<BR>I just hope my H is intelligent enough to understand what he will be loosing if his behavior continues. I think he is catching on. I have also moved on from the anger(not long!) and started to plan what is best for me and my 2 wonderful children. <BR>God Bless You and America<BR>

Lauren Anne,<P>I hope your h will stop this stuff, so hurtful to you. I hae to ask this, but you have to look after yourself. Do you have some spyware installed on you computer? You need it to be enable yourself. Many things are available online and are not detectable. I think if you go to Just found out forum, there is a post called Notable posts. Go there and there is a whole topic about this, which helps you set up Spyware. Forewarned is forearmeded, so they say.<P>And you need to know how deep he is in. <P>There are also a lot of sites to help with infidelity through the internet, coast around and you will find people here have links.

Dear Nina too,<BR>Thanks for the advise about watching what he is doing.<BR>I did have a key spy devise set up. That is how I first found out about all of this.I have uninstaled it for the moment. I have told him this. I will check on him in a couple of weeks when he would think it is truly safe to continue,if this is what he is doing. He has no idea how to identify this devise.<BR>I hope for all our goods he has not gone back on his word.<BR>I don't want to believe, that once a cheat, always a cheat.<BR>Thanks again for caring,<BR>lauren anne