<br>I lied to my wife about who I was what I had done almost everything except for my feelings for her. She has filed for divorce and refused to go to counseling because she is sure she can never trust me again. Is this true? Is trust lost forever ?

I think that trust can be regained depending on the circumstances. You say that you lied to her about who you were? If I were her and my husband lied to me about who he was, then I don't believe that I could trust him again either. Trust is not a given, it has to be earned. Once you gain someones trust and abuse it, of course it is going to diminish your chances of ever getting it back. Counseling will not make one person trust another once that trust is broken.

I can speak from experience when I say that trust CAN be regained. My wife and I were married 6 years ago and she cheated on me. We divorced shortly afterward. I loved her still, and 3 years later we remarried. I NEVER would have married her if I didn't believe I could trust her. She had to prove it through her actions, but I also had to be willing to give her the chance. She proved it and continues to prove it everyday. If your partner is willing to give you that chance, then I believe you can show her that you are trustworthy. Just remember that your relationship was not bulit on truth. The foundation must be rebuilt and that will take time - a lot of time. Good luck!

I can speak from experience when I say that trust CAN be regained. My wife and I were married 6 years ago and she cheated on me. We divorced shortly afterward. I loved her still, and 3 years later we remarried. I NEVER would have married her if I didn't believe I could trust her. She had to prove it through her actions, but I also had to be willing to give her the chance. She proved it and continues to prove it everyday. If your partner is willing to give you that chance, then I believe you can show her that you are trustworthy. Just remember that your relationship was not bulit on truth. The foundation must be rebuilt and that will take time - a lot of time. Good luck!

echo36
<p>I agree and disagree with babe...Trust is not a given...it must be earned. I am the type of person that gives trust easily...maybe too easily...but once it is broken...I have a very hard time trusting that person again. But it does happen...with time...talk to your wife again...tell her everything...and I mean EVERYTHING...then ask her again to go to counseling...agree to let her live apart from you until a time that she either decides to move back with you or stay on her own...but give her the space she needs...even though it hurts you. Try to explain to her WHY you lied. Dont make the promise that it will never happen again...instead tell her that you will do your best to stop lying to her...empty promises are the worst to deal with...IF she decides to give you another chance...you will have to deal with a lot of questioning on her part...where you are going...why you are going...'what is that in your pocket?' the list goes on and on...I know this from experience...I lied to my husband...but he agreed to give it another chance...he has a hard time admitting to any of this..but I know that he goes through my purse...he times me when I go to the store...he sets logs on the computer to see who I am talking to and why...and I know that this will pass...as soon as he realizes that I made a mistake and learned and grown from it...it gets annoying, being treated like a child...but I know why he does it, and that I made things this way by my own stupidity...but day by day...little by little...he is trusting me more. The same could happen with your wife...she is just hurt and confused right now...give it time...and then try again. Good luck to you.

Ryan, in what ways did your wife earn your trust back? i am trying very hard to accomplish this with my husband, but don't know if i'm doing too much or not enough. i had an "emotional" affair with someone, and i believe he did also just prior to mine, i have severed all contact with my other person, and have since given 100%to making this marriage work. i continue to make deposits in the love bank, but it can be very hard when none are being returned. how much is too much, and how much is not enough?
<br>could use the input from a husband who is in the same boat as mine and what exactly meant something to you from your wife. thanks...