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Out of the mouth of babes...<P>Children have a way of cutting directly to the core of the matter without all the "sugar coating". Could that be why Jesus said we must come to him as a child?<P>I'm certain that hearing your D surmise something as complicated as a problem marriage in such a short sentence really drives the point home to you. Of course the fact that the H has discussed it with the D may also be causing you some hurt. But if these were his words, I'd say he done an excellent job of trying to explain it to her.<P>Could it be the honesty of "he loves you, but not as a girlfriend" cause the hurt? I suspect it would hurt anyone and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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This probably won't make you feel any better, but my H told the kids that he didn't like me anymore and he'd made a mistake marrying me. The counselor we were seeing at the time was rather horrified. He told our oldest, at 19, that he was "looking for someone to talk to" (like a 19 year old would really believe that!) and that that wasn't the first time he'd placed a personal ad.

What would bother me is that your daughter is going to grow up thinking it is ok to get a divorce when she doesn't like her future H as a "boyfriend" anymore. What your D really needed to hear from him is "I'm weak and can't keep my promises."

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Hi,<P>All of you sound as if you want to restore your marriages. Have any of you ever been to<BR>this site? <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> <P>This site is great if you are serious about <BR>restoring your marriage.<P>I will be praying for you.<P>Goodbye!<P>------------------<BR>

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But where do you go if you do not believe in divorce but are not Christian?

Nelli,<P>Only place I know to go is to God..I can't imagine where else one would go..since God is the one who gave us marriage..He is the creator of us all..so He knows what we need even when we don't..I know that God allows <BR>some things to happen so that we do LOOK to HIM..when we have no where else to go..<P>It's like hitting rock bottom..having no place to look but UP..and realize we aren't in control of anything..we have nothing not even Life without Him..<P>I just couldn't imagine not having Christ to lean on..

ThornedRose,<P>Marriage means just as much to me as it does to Christians. I am perfectly content with my religious beliefs, or lack thereof, and have been for over 30 years - don't expect me to convert now.

TM<P>My son says something similiar 'you still love daddy, but he doesn't want to be with you cos he needs some quiet peace'!!<P>Not quite the same, but it breaks my heart everytime he says it....<P>My H doesn't have an OW - or so he says - he just needs to "find himself and be his own person" whatever that means....<P>I am totally where you are and I ache for you...<P>nep

Trapped Mom,<P>Yes I have purchased the book and workbook.<BR>If you are serious about restoring your marriage the are worth every penny spent. The book may not be easy to accept. Erin teaches what Gods word says about marriage.<BR>I just became a Christian in Feb of this year. I would have rejected this book before my husband left. My life was a mess and I was a broken spirit. I was studying Gods word<BR>for His will but I was getting confused. I prayed for God to send me help and God lead me to the <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> site.I went from hopeless to knowing God will send my husband back in Gods time. I also know that we will have the marriage I always desired. I just did all the wrong things to get it. I know there is no answer but Jesus. He is the healer of hearts. The world, even Christians<BR>teach us to give up and go on. If you want your spouse to be commited to you and the marriage you must take the narrow road toward<BR>God. This books does not go along with the popular trends including divorce. I have tried the worlds way and have been miserable.<BR>God is the only way. I will some of my testimonies sometime if you want, but for now<BR>get the book and practice it's teachings. But you have to be commited to leave the ways of the world behind and follow Jesus!<BR>It is hard to believe I am writing this because I would have rejected this book before my husband left me. I am not preaching just offering truth. <P>In christ,<BR>Gentle<BR>

Nep,<P>It is funny you mentioned that your son said <BR>your husband wanted some quiet peace.<BR>God made woman to be a quiet and gentle spirit. Most of us have became loud and arguementive instead.we have tried to force our husband to be or do what we think is best,only to end up alone. God also instructed us to live in peace. I am not pointing fingers I am just telling the way I was and most women that I have known have also been this way. Maybe that is why husbands need space or turn to another women. Mine just wanted peace and to know himself since I tried to get him to be what I though he should be. Of course, the world (Satan) has cause us all to fall for this lie. Satan job is to divide and conquer. I believe we all can understand divide very well given or current situations. <BR>I don't try to convert anyone and just speak the truth I have lived and learned the hard way.<BR>In christ,<BR>gentle

Trapped Mom, I bought the book. It was relatively cheap off the internet. I have to tell you I was skeptical at first. <P>I have to tell you that that book has been the ONE thing to turn me around in my thinking. It has SAVED me!!! I read it and read it, and read it. EVerytime I felt down I'd hit a chapter, like "a quiet gentle spirit", or "the potter and the clay", and I'd have a bible beside me. I found comfort in the words, I found myself!!! I have found peace for me and my children. I feel like I am moving to a good place.<P>I really recommend it. If you've ever talked to S Harley...a lot of what he says comes from a spirtitual, biblical bent as well.<P>I was raised a Catholic. THis situation, and the book have awakened me.<P>I probably sound like a nut. I'm not really.<P>But I have followed you story and hear you pain...and I think you will find comfort in the words of the book. It will give you a totally different starting place. and it dovetails well with MB principles.......

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I come over to say Hi. We have spoken the D word since this "thing" began.<P>I'm not sure about reconciling our marraige. He pretty much gave our entire relationship to the OW...he pretty much relived it with her...<P>My H is going through a MLC with a capital C.<P>I'd like to reconcile with him as a person. I know I am not the cause of his misery. I hope he can figure that out for himself.<P>But I have nothing to gain by holding on to resentment and anger. It only infects me and the kids.<P>I don't really have the "in love" feelings for my H right now. But I do believe in teh MB concepts of it being conditional on meeting needs. <P>My H is not living with the OW, although she and her H seem to be kaput. She and he have two kids and she is currently pregnant with "someone's" baby.<P>My H seems to be very focused on his " rofession" (that's where OW comes in) and all of the fun things he thinks he has missed I guess....like sports etc.<P>I guess I am getting a close look at what my adolescent D and S and little one (to follow) will be going through in their teens.<P>It's been a rough year...you can't go back, you can only go forward.

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