I don't know about the rest of you, but I keep coming to milestones -- they seem like points of no return.<P>When I first left, I thot, this is it.<P>Then when I filed the separation papers.<P>Now, I have been living without child support and other promised monies, not to mention that my ex has put me in the position where I would have to lie to keep him from being prosecuted for criminal action. So another point of no return.<P>He broke up with his most recent gf (again) and now all this legal action is crashing down on him. My friends all say not to feel badly for him. But I do. I don't want to hurt him, but the children need what they are entitled to. And I cannot take the blame for his criminal actions (which I would have to do ) So I know now that I must take action, but there is no return from here. After this, he will never trust me again. <P>But I console myself that my marriage is not as important to God as my husband's eternal soul. And maybe he will get down so low that he will turn to God. At least, that would be worth losing my marriage over.

Hi NoraP,<P>I'm sorry you are at another point....there do seem to be a heck of alot of them.<P>I totally understand how you feel badly for your H. I do for mine too. What he did to me was horrible. I don't really think I would ever want him back. But I still love him (at some level) and don't wish any harm on him.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>But I console myself that my marriage is not as important to God as my husband's eternal soul. And maybe he will get down so low that he will turn to God. At least, that would be worth losing my marriage over.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Very well said. That's the one consolation I think about too. I really still pray for him that he will turn his heart back to God. <P>Do you think that your "lieing" for him is keeping him from hitting bottom? Just something to think about. You really can't save your H, as I too am learning.<P>Well, hang in there and keep the faith. God bless you.<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

NoraP,<P>I feel for you. I can totally relate to the milestones. Many of them are forced upon us and we must choose the path to follow. I want to come through my divorce knowing that I did everything to save my marriage but more importantly I want to be able to come through it with a clear conscience (SP?). <P>My wife has choosen the path of hurt, lies, and deciet. A road that I refuse to go down.<P>I know that when I stand in front of my creator I will be able to enter the narrow gates into his kindom.<P>Have a great weekend.<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

I agree Nora. The order that this has to come down in (my opinion) is:<BR> 1. Your H has to return to God FIRST. This may be as little as accepting responsibility for the criminal actions at first.<BR> 2. Then, and only then can he truly return to the marriage.<P>My ex-wife was always the church-goer, not me. Her Father was a deacon in the Catholic Church, quite the faith statement, that. He is now 'out' with the OW, and my exMIL is devastated by it all. This is the very definition of a sinful life in the eyes of God (and man now, too), and it is our job to restore our own faith journey, and they will eventually do the same, if THEY ARE WORTHY. Please keep that in mind, and if you want to succeed, don't fall prey to the temptation to start a relationship with anyone else in the meantime. This is your trial by fire, and in order to get your reward, you must carry the burden alone in the face of some devastating revelations. Keep in mind that adulterers are confused, and on the road to self-destruction. It is between God, and them, and you have no recourse against it. You can only make your end so good that they will go like the moth to the flame.<BR> Be strong. Be faithful. Be you. Be aware that you are a complete human being in your own right, and you deserve someone who cares about you. Please be patient with your husband. Show him the patience that Jesus shows us, do not be fooled by the devil, here. Your self-doubt, hurt, and anger will not help in God's plan. If your goal is a reconciliation with your husband, set your sights firmly on that, and that alone. The work is all done on you, not him. Like I said, God will open his eyes, if they are to be opened at all. God can only show him:<BR> 1. That his way is wrong.<BR> 2. That you are worthy of his love.<BR> My saddest realization is that, because of free will, God will not 'make' your husband do anything. (Yes, it is better that way, but how much does THAT help?!)<BR> After realizing that this is no bad dream, I quit trying to repair it that way. After realizing that this is not a game, I quit trying to repair it that way. Now, its just doing what is best for the children, and me. Don't fall prey to doing the old stuff 'for the sake of the kids'. Your mind is quite adept at rationalizing habitual behavior to keep the status quo. WATCH YOURSELF THERE! It is the quicksand...don't go there. I have to analyze possible future interactions and get a 'gut check' on the implications. Its frustrating, but I avoid 'knee'jerk' reactions, (abbreviate that LB behavior) and I have made some progress in that I control the interactions now. Call it plan AB, because my ex-wife has killed plan A. I think it was too much to handle. Fear not, it is a small town, she is moving a block away, and the kids ALWAYS tell her how much better things are here now.<BR> Anyway, my intent was to tell you that you need to give it to God, and work on you, you, you. It is the most selfless thing you can do now. God Bless, I will be praying for you. Be strong. Be you. Be loved. You are.

Well, my STBX husband took care of things himself, and now I don't have to worry about bringing about the criminal charges. He took responsibility (well, maybe that is too strong a term! ) for his actions -- he blamed me for making him confess and make restitution! Like it was a bad thing!!! hahahahahahaha!!! Oh well! But I am smiling tonight.<P>A smile to everyone !