Here's my story, I'll attemp to be brief.<P>Me and my wife have been married for a little over 6 years. We've had some extremely hard times along the way, but up till this point we've been able to hold out. We're both young, early 20's, and now she no longer wants us to be together. Earlier this year the pressures of life and children caught up with me and I became isolated. She thought that I just needed some space and gave me some. She tried her best to make sure I didn't have anything extra to worry about. During this time I tried very hard to work out all my problems and finally came to a realization and a plan to get everything in order. I felt very good about myself, finally happy about months of unhappiness because I solve most of my problems. A few days after this heavy burden had finally been lifted my wife tells me that she's not sure she loves me anymore.<P>What she says is that she does in fact love me, but is no longer in love with me. Some days she wants to work things out and others she doesn't. Her and our 3 children have moved into her relatives house and she started a new job about a week ago. During my time of been depressed about everything she was always there for me. If she asked for something and I said no, she said it was ok. All those little rejections built up until she couldn't stand it and had to leave. As I understand, I think she may want to work things out, but as soon as she sees how much pain this causes me she starts to think that it would be better if she would let me and not 'drag me along' or 'give the wrong impression'. She tells me that I fill her emotional needs yet she doesn't feel in love me. She says she's confused about what to do, but knows for sure that she cannot live with someone she doesn't love because it just wouldn't be right.<P>We do talk fairly often, yet when the conversation gets heavy into talking about us, she seems to raise her defences. Early on in our marriage, I stopped paying her attention and started being mean to her. She had moved out for about a month. At the end, she said that she did really love me, and I swore never to do it to her again. I think she feels I may have broken that by being withdrawn for so long. It saddens me to know that when I do realize how to get my life on track, she removes herself from it.<P>I'm not sure how to handle the situation at this point. I suggest counseling but she didn't think it would do any good. I can offer her space, but our children keep us in contact and some how we end up discussing our relationship. I really don't know what I can do to help. I do love her, and as I've said I know she loves me, but isn't in love with me. She doesn't seem to want to give herself a chance to fall in love with me either. Any advice on the matter would be appreciated. I know that we could bring each other happiness, but she always seems ready to give as soon as I suggest a way to bring us back together.

Well, well, well...<P>You got the speech that nearly everyone here has gotten at some point: "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."<P>I also got the "I can't be married to someone I'm not in love with, it wouldn't be fair" speech.<P>There is plenty of information to help you here. Although I didn't avail myself of such advice (I may have found this site too late to save my own marriage), you might want to try telephone counseling with the Harleys. It seems to have helped nearly everyone who has used it. This might be a problem as your W has indicated an aversion to counseling, though.<P>However, it is clear that you really do need counseling. The separation is a bad thing as well. Although it seems better to have your "space," marriages generally do not survive "trial separations" and such. You need to get her to move back in with you.<P>Your vows said something about "for better or worse." This is the Worse. If she really does want to work things out, it will be difficult, and maybe even painful at times, but the reward will be a stronger and deeper bond between the two of you.<P>Keep reading, and keep us posted.]<P>cj