Female<BR>37<BR>11 years<BR>BS<BR>Multiple EA's<BR>Daughter 7 Son 6<BR>Post mostly here occasionly in GCII<P>Don't know that I have really learned anything new about myself but I have new found confidence in myself. I have made it through a difficult time and am a better person for it. <P>Marriage needs Honesty, Respect and the Commitment to be a loving person from both parties. <P>Separated, D papers have been filed.<P>Honesty

Female<P>50 in 2 weeks.<P>Together for 19 years, married for 8 years.<P>Betrayed spouse.<P>Only one EA/PA that I know of.<P>Only my H's 20 year old step-son and his 17 year old niece and 15 year old nephew who were in our legal custody for the past 4 years.<P>I just started posting in this forum. I used to post in GQ, then moved, obviously prematurely, to Recovery after my H moved back home for a month.<P>The most important thing I've learned about myself? The importance of reaching out to others, both here and in my "real" life.<P>The most important thing I've learned about marriage? That it takes work, it can't be taken for granted, that it takes two.<P>I'm in the process of divorcing with a restraining order against my H .<P>If there are drugs and/or alcohol in the picture, there is no hope of working things out without sobriety.<p>[This message has been edited by LetSTry (edited July 26, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<BR><B>Following the great example of Nyneve on the Emotional Needs forum, I think it would be a good idea to do a roll call and introduce ourselves to each other. Here are the questions:<P>What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 48<P>How long were you married? 21yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Just one that I know of<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 3 and all on there own.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? General<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? To focus on myself and I will survive<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it must be maintained it doesn't work unless I work it.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? divorced 2 1/2 months<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Put the focus on yourself and the mistakes that you have made. <P><BR>After a little while, I will jump in with my answers, okay?<P><BR>CJ<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

What is your gender? <BR>male<P>How old are you? <BR>41<P>How long were you married? <BR>16 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <BR>BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <BR>at least 1 maybe more<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>1 son 10<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>here only<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That this wasn't really about me... <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>Pay attention to your mate and maintain communication<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Separated 10 months waiting for her to file after the mandatory year waiting periond<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?<BR>Ask questions and learn all you can <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Female<BR>27<BR>6 years<BR>BS<BR>One A is enough<BR>Daughter...4 mo... wanted a boy...I chose my screen name while I was pregnant.<P>I post mostly here... you guys have been through it or are farther along then people on the other boards <P>The most important thing you've learned about myself is that regardless of my H's actions I am still a strong, wonderful person. <P>The most important thing you've learned about marriage from MB is... if you don't put your marriage first and work on it, then it will wither and die. <P>I am married and in a limbo of some kind. <P>One thing I would suggest to new people here is to talk to your spouse. Share the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is extremely important to say what is on your mind. Be truthful to your spouse about your feelings and emotions.<P>

What is your gender?<BR>Male<P>How old are you?<BR>23<P>How long were you married?<BR>4 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>Neither<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>none<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>4 Year old son, 2 year old son, and 10 month old daugter<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>Mostly here, being I'll be moving into the divorcing stage soon.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>How to understand why things went wrong, and how they could have been avoided.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>If you truly love someone, nothing is too much to overcome.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Seperated in a type of limbo.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>Patience, trust me I know how hard it is, but good things will come to those who wait.<P><BR>

What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>29 (no, really!)<P>How long were you married?<BR>Since July 1993<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>I had an emotional affair with a far-away old male friend/confidant. He had an emotional and possibly also physical affair with a local stranger he met in a chat room.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>Could be ... I still get his emails from girls asking about where he's been, etc.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>Yes, six years and three years.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>Just here. Found this site too late in life.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That I'm not alone. He is a textbook example of an abusive control freak and it isn't only me who had a hard time leaving that kind of guy. You'd think it'd be so easy ...<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>How almost anything can be forgiven IF changes are made.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>He filed in December the day after I moved out. Our trial is supposed to be in August. Couldn't be soon enough in my opinion. Ready to move on.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?<BR>READ. That's mostly all I do anymore. See what others are doing, and what advice they get.<p>[This message has been edited by T-L-C (edited June 11, 2001).]

<B>What is your gender?</B> Female<P><B>How old are you?</B> 46<P><B>How long were you married?</B> Married almost12, together 14<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> I am so totally betrayed<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> Yes, men and women (you'd think bisexuality would be important information to share...)<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> One son, the light of my life, age 10 <P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?</B> Emotional needs <P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> That I'm not responsible for my husband's behavior; that I cannot change him, I can only change myself <P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> Marriage without intimacy makes a fragile bond. If your mate is the most important person in your life, then you'd better act like it. <P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Have filed for divorce; trying to work through the paperwork mire<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> Nobody has all the answers; nobody knows what's best for you except you; you gotta know when to hold 'em, and you gotta know when to fold 'em<P>

<BR>What is your gender? FEMALE<P>How old are you? 43<P>How long were you married? 19 years, 22 together<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BETRAYED<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? ONLY ONE (I believe H's words)<P>Do you have children? How old are they? TWO DAUGHTERS, 19 AND 11<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I USED TO POST "IN RECOVERY" AND "GQ", WHILE THERE WAS A HOPE, BUT NOW I BELONG HERE<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S SUFFERING BUT THAT I AM THE WORST ONE IN PLAN A-ing<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>THAT I WAS NEVER MEETING MY H'S NEEDS<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>SEPARATED FOR 1,5 YEARS, WILL BE DIVORCED IN A FEW DAYS<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>TO BELIEVE IN DR HARLEY'S WORDS, TO FOLLOW HIS ADVICES, NOT EVER TO LOOSE SELF-CONTROL, THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IS TO LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF KIDS <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by betrayed and desperate (edited June 12, 2001).]

What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 30<P>How long were you married? 12 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS I think. Wife won’t admit to an affair but there have been a lot of suspicious activities. I got the speech “not in love”, “not happy”, “need to find myself”<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Unknown<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 3 beautiful girls 11, 9, & 6<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I mainly post in this section but every once in a while I’ll post in POEMS.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? In my brief time here I’ve learned that I’m going to make it through this OK. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorced, still working out custody.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Faith. Give all your problems THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL up to God and you work on what you can control, yourself.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited July 26, 2001).]

What is your gender? FEMALE<P>How old are you? 28 <P>How long were you married? 3 y<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not sure, but one EA that I know of<P>Do you have children? How old are they? nope, three dogs only<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I used to post on EN when I was still married. Now and then on other boards.<P>Most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I could be cold and hard to please<P>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? that feelings come and go but devotion and committment is what keeps it together. These things are not always connected to each other.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? divorced almost 8 months<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? You can't control another person. And you are not alone. <P><p>[This message has been edited by gsd (edited June 12, 2001).]

Female <P>34 <P>Just over a year<P>BS<P>At least one. <P>No children <P>Usually just this section. <P>What have I learned?: I will survive, no matter how bad it seems at times. And that I can be happy again. <P>Communication. <P>Married/Almost divorced- No chance for reconciliation. <P>Hang in there. There are better days ahead. And if you have a question?? Ask it! <P>

Okay, I'll play......<P>What is your gender? Male.<P>How old are you? 36<P>How long were you married? 10 years together thirteen.<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS, she still denies that.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not that I know of.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? Yes, one, she's 7 going on 8.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I only post on here when I post but for the most part, I'm a lurker. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I certainly wasn't perfect to any degree and that my marriage certainly needed some first aid although I didn't know it at the time. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? Don't take anything for granted, not even if you think you're communicating everything for chances are you're leaving out something very important.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? I'm divorced physically, but mentally I'm still married and stuck in limbo and haven't fully moved on yet.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Don't let the hurt get the best of you as I've done, it truly isn't worth it and makes climbing back to a semblance of a normal life that much more difficult to acheive.<BR>Jax.<P>

I wanna play too!<P>I'm female.<P>38 years old.<P>This July we'll be married for 11 years, separated for one.<P>I was Betrayed.<P>I was Betrayed six times that he will admit to. 5PA, 1 night of kissing and groping, 1 EA which he will not admit to. Though people treated THEM as though they were a couple. <P>We have three children 10(d), 8(s) and 4(d).<P>I post all over the place but I think that this is where I finally, sadly, belong.<P>I have learned that I can survive, if I want to. I can get better, but I have to allow myself. Loving is a choice, not a blind uncontrolable mystique. Loving yourself is a good choice to make. <P>About marriage... takes more than one person to make it work. I couldn't fix it alone. <P>We are separated. Have been off/on/in limbo for the past year. He says he still wants to try, though he's still going out with other women. I've decided not to believe his lies anymore. <P>To someone new here," Give it all you've got. Look at yourself first and what you are accountable for. Then look to your spouse to do the same. If you can both be honest with each other, with yourselves, and be forgiving of each other and yourselves, then you're on your way... God Speed."<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Snowwhite (edited June 12, 2001).]

Female (last I looked)<P>28 (for the fourth year in a row)<P>Too long (okay, 11 years) <P>both a BS and WS/OW<P>there -were-<P>three (11, 10 & 4 going on 20)<P>here, infidelity/other questions<P>That I'm not alone and that I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.<P>I've learned that marriage is more than a promise of love. It's a living investment like a garden that needs water and sun and weeding and love. At this point marriage is not for me but if I'm lucky enough for someone to love me and want to "invest" in me in the future, I'll be a better gardener.<P>Divorced (ooooh, I can now say that w/o cringing)<P>One word is difficult, hhmmm: patience, forgiveness, truth, tolerance, respect...<P>

Not quite ready to let this slip to page 2. Some of the regulars haven't blessed this thread yet.

There are probably many like me: long time lurkers. I should probably introduce myself. Hi, I'm Brian:<P><B>What is your gender?</B> male<P><B>How old are you?</B> 28<P><B>How long were you married?</B> 8 y<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> BS<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> A couple in the past I'd label EA, one big EA/PA that destroyed us.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> No<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?</B> Never post...Lurk here and infidelity.<P><B>Most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> No matter what happened, I was partly culpable by building an environment where Kristen looked elsewhere.<P><B>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> I love it and miss it. I miss being *known* so fully and intimately. Friendship is close, but not the same.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Divorced 4/30/2001<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> You're not alone. <P>I really thought I was. Then, while searching for proof otherwise, I saw a post titled "My wife is in love with another woman." I think it was by someone called ThisAlex. My story is his story. The similarities are haunting. <P>If you're wondering, yes...someone has been there before. And it will be alright.<P>

What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 31<BR> <BR>How long were you married? 20 months at separation, 25 months at divorce<BR> <BR>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not that I am aware of to this point<P>Do you have children? How old are they? No children. We had 1 dog and 2 cats. She gained custody of the cats<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Mostly here, but occasionally on the Poetry forum<BR> <BR>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I’ve learned that I really am one of the good guys and that my ex is a damn fool! Seriously though I’ve learned that I can handle life on my own and that my identity was determined by the role I played in marriage.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? I’ve learned that communication is the key to all good relationships.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Legally divorced as of 11/20/00<BR> <BR>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Learn from the other experiences out here in addition to your own. Also, <B>NEVER</B> be afraid to ask for advice or for help.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited June 15, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited June 19, 2001).]

What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 35<P>How long were you married? 4 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? 2 that I know of, probably more<P>Do you have children? How old are they? I have 3, only one with him, they are 3,4 and 11<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? This is the only section i've posted on <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I'm sane <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? Marriage takes love, respect and honesty from both partners, you can't do it alone.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Have filed for divorce<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? There are others here who are going through and understand exactly what you are going through.<P><p>[This message has been edited by alone now (edited June 15, 2001).]

<P>I am female<P>36 years old<P>married for 16 years 11 months and 18 days<P>Ex H had two affairs<P>3 great kids<BR>d-17<BR>s-15<BR>s-14<P><BR>Started out posting in the infidelity board in july of 99. Now I only post here.<P><BR>The most important thing I have learned about myself is that I am very strong.<P>The most imortant thing I have learned here at MB is that even though it was to late to save my former marriage I have the ground work to make my next relationship much better.<P>My best advice to new comers is to let out their feelings. This board was a savior for me. You have to learn to take some critisism here but just remember alot of us have been here along time and know what we are talking about. Try to be open minded.