.......today would of been my 18th anniversary. I debated on spending the whole day sleeping but I woke up and came to work (good thing I work alone). As i turned my cell phone on i noticed i had a message, it was from my X telling me he hadn't forgotten what day it was and like mothers day he had to wish me a nice day and tell me he was thinking about me. says he doesn't want to give me false hope but he did want to let me know he was thinking of me and if i heard the message within a few minutes to tune into a local radio station where he'd requested a special song for me, he said he hoped it didn't upset me but that we should be happy about what we did have. He says since this is our first year apart its difficult not to call and wish me well and he realizes some day it'll have to stop.<BR>Well I didn't get to hear the song, i didn't hear the message until about an hour later, i guess i'll never know what the song said. I did reply to his message telling him the same stuff, that i didn't forget, actually i had a card for him but i never mailed it, telling him i was thinking about him, i also told him i didn't get to hear the song. I knew today was going to be hard and i want to just sleep the day away.<P>for those who don't know my story, i divorced my x after a long battle with his drinking problem. we divorced 12/18/00. he went into treatment in december 00 and now has been sober and in therapy since then. why couldn't he have done it before i tired of putting up with it, why did it take being arrested twice before he'd do something? he is currently on house arrest with lots of time on his hands to think about everything. as you can tell i'm still very much in love with him and i guess i always will but now that he's getting better and he'll hopefully one day be the man i fell in love with again, it won't be for me. <P>sorry just feeling sorry for myself....thanks for listening.

Forgive me if I speak out of turn, or don't understand... but...<P>You love your ex-H and are in love with him, he loves you, and is in love with you, he sought treatment for his alcoholism and is in therapy, and has been sober for six months...<P>...and you're crying...<P>Why is it too late? It sounds like a beginning to me, not the end.<P>

i guess i'm waiting for a message that says, directly that he still loves me. this one sounded like don't get your hopes up but........<P>i hope your right, its a new beginning, that's what i truly want a NEW beginning with him. Ever since he went into therapy he eased back and gave me space and didn't call me much and i guess i started feeling like maybe he just didn't care for me that much anymore. he wouldn't call, i wouldn't call,,,,,,an so we remain until today. i'm sure he is having all kinds of new things to deal with in life. I wish i understood more about what to expect from an x alcoholic when he decides to change his life. I guess i'll have to make my way back to al-anon and stay there this time.<P>thanks for your reply.

One of the world's great oft-repeated tragedies: two people wanting to reach out to each other, but too afraid to do so. And so both live their lives in loneliness and misery.<P>First, why don't you just <I>ask</I> your husband if he wants to get begin again? Is it <I>really</I> going to hurt that much more if he says no?<P>Then, if both of you <I>do</I> want to get back together, come up with a joint agreement outlining the ground rules. Trust doesn't come quickly, but there's nothing wrong with taking it slow.<BR>

Gnome, you hit it on the nail. I guess i feel like my heart can't take anymore rejection but i also don't want to live lonely and in misery. So yes, i'll take the chance and ask him, but i'll ask him if we can start as friends again first and take it from there. Yes our biggest issue will be TRUST for both of us, we've been separated for 2 years now, divorced only 6 months.<P>thanks!

I SO agree with what Gnome said. Don't be afraid to reach out. It is like when you are watching a movie (a love story) and things go left unsaid and they go their separate ways, and your yelling at the screen "tell her how you feel" "tell her that you still love her", etc. I am so glad that I have been able to share with my now XH. After all he put me through, my heart is still open to him and I know that he is repentant. We are taking it slow, and who knows what the future holds for us. But whatever happens I am very glad for the opportunity we've had to share and express our true feelings.<P>Take it slow, and I wish you all the luck!<BR>Petrie

well your all right, i took the chance, i called him and left him a message, asking him to tell me the name of the song i missed and told him how much it meant to me and that i still love him and miss him every day. i told him i realize he may not feel comfortable with what i was telling him but i had to tell him and god would help me deal with my heart if its not any longer to be. but i thanked him for calling me today. i await his reply. thanks all.

This sounds like it could be a begining, however If I were you I would take it very slow, I speak from experience and he needs more time in recovery, and I hope you would support him in recovery by attending al-anon regular. even if you didn't get back it is worth it for you to go to the meeting for yourself. If he is having good rcovery, life can be great for you. I have 17yrs clean life was wonderful for me and ex until her A and leaving for other man. she never forgave me for the past and the hurt I caused. <P>

I'm also divorcing my H because of alcohol, and drugs too, in his case. He is currently living with his much younger OW who drinks and uses right along with him. <P>We have been together for 19 years. He was drinking and using (different) drugs for the first 9. I began going to Alanon off and on after the first year. It helped me to slowly separate from him and from his young son, and to start a new life alone. When I left him, he went into treatment, lived in a 1/2 way house for 6 months, and we finally got back together. We married after his first year of sobriety and have been married for 9 yrs now.<P>We moved to a new place and built a whole new life, started our own business, built a house, and took on his niece and nephew as their legal guardians because their parents were both abusing drugs and alcohol as well as their kids. <P>He began drinking again about 18 months ago and things have spiralled downhill from there. Now he sees our life together as an ugly thing. He's found true love with an unemployed 22 y.o. who's left her H for him, but shares his lifestyle.<P>I still love my H, the person he was and can be again. I believe that he would still love me if he ever got clean and sober again. I am divorcing him to protect myself and our business. I don't know if it's too late for us, but I hope it's not too late for you. We had a wonderful life during the years of sobriety - in my opinion anyway, he now looks at it as years where he was always trying unsuccessfully to please me because I never loved him enough but I think he has to see it this way now.<P>I am also going back to Alanon. It helped me before and, if nothing else, it gives me another place to vent.