I need some advice. <P>How do I ask my husband to leave for at least some time?<P>Background: I've been feeling unfulfilled in my marriage for the last 4 years. I've also suspected in the during the last 2 that my husband may have been having an affair. On symptom: our intimate life slowed tremendously. In fact from Oct. to the end of April there was nothing! And believe me, I had tried to seduce him. <BR>In March I started the Surrendered Wife thing. It basically teachs women how to act respectfully to their husbands, be admiring, and avoid may love busters. <BR>In June, I found out that my husband had been searching for and looking at escort services on the web. The areas he checked out were places to which he'd be traveling on business in the near future as well as places in our area.<P>After the initial shock and pain, I decided this could be a jumping off point to further work on our marriage, for in spite of a more peaceful environment, the Surrendered Wife principles still left me feeling unfulfilled. And I hate to admit this but I seriuosly considered kissing someone other than my husband. And too many of you know where that would lead. (Not a particular person, just some nice man.)<P>My husband refused to discuss the escort services telling me it was only curiousity. 4 days, several hours each day, in specific cities he'd visit. Plus he said he'd never go to a strip bar, yet got directions off the internet to one.<P>I wanted to start marriage counseling. I had already had an emergency visit to my shrink from years past. H. refused to go. I asked him to read a book. He said yes then "forgot." He hasn't read any of Dr. Harley's books that I've studied. And he continued to refuse to talk to Steve Harley with whom I started counseling.<P>Two weeks ago, SH and I agreed that it was time for me to start protecting myself. Which I've done pretty easily as I don't think I want to be connected to this man.<P>At this point in time, I can't stand to be in the same room with him. I hate him. I didn't six weeks ago, but now I do. How do things change so fast?<P>At any rate, I've been behaving down right ugly for over a week. I try to be nice, but it all comes out ugly. And I hate for him to touch me or look at me or talk to me. This behavior only further erodes our marriage. My only hope at all is to split for some time. If it ends up eternity, that's fine with me. <P>I don't think I can get over the bitterness I feel. And the week we spent on vacation three weeks ago was just one constant hurt after another. It was no vacation for me. And I was kind, giving, no LBs. <P>I know my H would like me to be happy so long as he doesn't have to change his behavior. Unfortunately, I don't see happiness with the way he acts.<P>I have another appointment with SH tomorrow. Should I wait to tell my husband to leave? Also, Wednesday is his birthday. He's got a lot of stress. He has to move from one shop to another. Plus, he's recently discovered that some expensive inventory is missing from our house. (He has junked up the dining room and little sitting room with piles of his old books, maps and paintings. People think we're moving in. Plus he's filled the basement so that the furnace guy can't get to the furnace.<P>Since the stuff was missing from various rooms and was selective, I wonder who in the world has been in our house. Nothing else was taken, so it had to be a book person or maybe someone who wanted a little revenge?<P>I'm rambling. Do I wait until his life is less stressful? I really don't think I can. Is there ever a good time to tell a spouse that your heart has turned to stone? <P>Thanks for any and all advice. I never thought I'd come to this. I have to small little girls who love their daddy. But I hate him so much!
