My prior post told of the struggles my XH and I are both going through regarding possible reconciliation.<p>My XH told me that he would stop pressuring me so much and at least he recognizes that. Here is my problem. I feel like the biggest heal and liar. I tell my XH that I love him and I do really see a future with him. But why do I then still want to talk with my friend Steve (whom I am not romantically involved). XH does not know this. Do I subconsciously want to sabotage a good thing with him?<p>He asks me if I want to date others and he even tells me that he will wait for me. He still feels that we are married in God's eyes. But, I don't tell him that I want to see others. I think that I am afraid that he won't want me anymore if I do.<p>I am not a vengeful person, yet my actions lately seem to show otherwise. Lying isn't something I did.<p>I asked my friend, Steve to go away with me, as friends. He makes me laugh, we have great talks and he puts absolutely no pressure on me. We work together and he doesn't want to mix business and personal (meaning romance). I know for a fact that Steve and I don't have a romantic future , as he really isn't the man I would choose, but for some reason, I want to do this.<p>Please be frank about how you respond. I feel like a bad person, I don't condone lying yet here I am, a big fat hypocrite!!!!<p>And I just might sabotage what could be a good thing.
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Petrie

Geez, quit being so hard on yourself. Sounds to me like you're human. God expects that of us. I am just beginning the D process (cause I don't feel as if I'm being given a choice), but I can tell you I would be SO afraid to start it up with my H after the divorce. I understand being fearful of telling your XH about Steve. I also understand why you want to keep talking to Steve. However, if there is no romantic future, what's wrong with telling your XH that you've got a male friend? Unless, in your heart, you truly hope for a romantic future with Steve. If that's the case, I'd date them both (there's no law against that when you're not married, that I know of). I don't think it's revenge on your mind, but more importantly, fear. Fear that your XH put there when he had the A in the first place. Just my opinion, of course. Pray about it. Ask God which direction you should be taking and tell him to close the door that leads to the wrong path. Then give God time to answer before making any big decisions. Take care; I'll say a prayer for you to have discernment.<p>MOM

Thank you Myownme!

Petrie,<p>You know were I stand. Are you sure satan is not trying to steal your miracle? Please seek God. Ask Him to show you the truth. You know He is the only one that can answer you.<p>In Him,
gentle

Thanks Gentle,<p>I think it is getting clearer, as to what I need to do. Is it Satan who is putting these thoughts in my mind? Or just something I need to explore. Believe me when I say that I am not promiscuous and it is not my intent to sleep around. <p>It is just a feeling I have for one person in particular with whom I have not been "romantically involved with". I just wonder why I might I continue to "feel" something for someone when I do see a future with my XH. <p>One more thing. I feel safe in my little "cocoon" I've created for myself since my husband left me. Like I finally got my sanity back.<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Petrie

Petrie,<p>I've written about as much about this as I dare here. I'm sure gentle already thinks I'm the devil herself! The mere mortal daring to steal your miracle. <p>Praying for the restoration of a marriage is all well and good but if that prayer is indeed answered it does not change the fact that there are issues to deal with. It doesn't automatically become a fairytale ending because "god" made it happen. Life is still very much there and all the ramifications of his betrayal and controlling manner will still be there to deal with. <p>Let me pose this question....is it possible that "god" brought Steve into your life to show you something? Is it possible that your prayers are being answered in a different manner?<p>Take Care.

by all means enjoy your friendship [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
would you hesitate if steve were a woman? i dare say NOT!<p>i have many platonic and close friendships with men ...i would never consider them as anything more than friends or them me ...same as i wouldnt consider a woman friend romantically hehe<p>ther is absolutley NOTHING wrong with it<p>ill bet the X would think so tho if i read between the lines correctly ?<p>he is your X and has no say! same way you should not base any decisions on what he might think or feel unless you ARE on the road to repairing what went wrong<p>if you think it would be fun to go away with steve by all means go [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>have a blast and quit with the self guilt, you are not doing this with malice in mind , no you would enjoy time with him go go go!!!