I'm new here. Been separated 2mths and she on the first month went to an attorney. Have no reason why she wants divorce except she says she doesn't want to be married and does not want a man. Married 33yrs. She now lives at home with parents and she is 55yrs old??
Will not talk to me at all. I sent her e-mail
and told her that I agree that she should get a divorce and that I am happy and getting along good and have already started dating. I got an aggressive attorney and because my business was slow this year I am entitled to alimony and half her pension and I will be able to keep my home without buying out her half. Our 2 adult daughters live with me and one will soon be getting married.
Is there something wrong here. She is in a lose lose situation.
The first month I was begging her and telling her that I loved her etc and now I did an about face
and am agreeing with her. There is no other man at least not now maybe she has plans for the future.
Am I doing the right things because I do want us back together and am not afraid of the divorce because that is only writing and can be changed.

Shoreman,<p>From what I understand, in cases like this there are two possibliities. <p>1) She has been unhappy for a long time, has been telling you, but you haven't made a satisfactory response.<p>OR<p>2) She is having an affair. Perhaps at this point, it has not become a physical affair, but she has established an emotional attachment to another man.<p>But because she has been working (apparently) and has a good income, she might be feeling bad that your business is doing poorly. She might have an emotioan need for financial support from you - even though she has an adequate income herself.<p>Has there been any conflict between her and your adult children who still live at home?<p>Maybe she was staying just for the daughter and now that the is getting married, she feels like her job at home is done.<p>Maybe she is watching her daughter fall in love etc. and feeling jealous because she doesn't feel in love with you anymore - and wants to try to find that feeling again like your daughter has.<p>I'm just putting out some guesses here.<p>I think you are doing the right thing to back off and not chase after her. Just be pleasant and helpful and try to meet her emotional needs as far as you can while avoiding doing things that hurt her or that she doesn't like (love busters).<p>I suggest you read "Love must be Tough", by James Dobson. He talks about "letting the bird out of the cage", and about the need for mutual respect in a marriage. She will not respect you if you come after her begging. (according to Dobson).<p>You seem sure there is no affair, but that would be the most likely cause of this. You might hire an investigator, at least check phone records and email if you have a computer that she was using or have access to her email.<p>I think you came to a good place. Sometimes, people here quarrel with each other, but if you just ignore the unrepentant adulterers you should get some good advice.<p>-AD

Thank you AD. I believe you are right about her being unhappy. I would say about 1 and a half years. She is in menapause and I have not been able to understand her emotion and have held back from her because I did not want to upset her. She lost her sex drive at the same time and I have been patient and tried to understand but she has more concern for her 3 female friends than the family. We really did not communicate that well although we socialized quite a bit together.
Her personality has changed. There are other things that have happened to her that may also be making her depressed and she does not want to have any pressures. I had become moody, that is I kept everthing inside because I did not want to upset her. I believe now that this was probably why she left because she did not want to deal with my moods. She says she now has peace and contentment. I live in a resort area at the Jersey shore and she is currently 150 miles north of me. <p>One of the things she loves is 60 style Philly line dances. She is always dancing. So I always wanted to learn and have already taken my first lesson. Now the interesting thing is that I told a friend of mine who is married to one of her friends. My wife and her called the person who is teaching me under a different pretense to find out if it was true. I don't know if there is any meaning there but why would she show an interest if I was learning to dance? Especially that she will not talk to me at all and is not interested in it.<p>Thanx for your advise.

I also want to add a few things. I have done quite a bit of reading and have also read the basic concepts.<p>I can't use the basic concepts now because she will not talk to me at all. She will read my e-mails only. So I started a new approach with her on 11/14. The idea now is to get her to start making contact with me. By me taking dance lessons caused her to verify if it were true which is which is making me look a little bit different to her. Actually I was surprised that she went and tried to find out if it were true.
As I said I got an aggressive attorney, she wanted me to sit with her attorney and I would sign off on everything in other words she wanted me to roll over financially, I know I would not earn her respect if I did that.<p>I am actively pursueing the divorce knowing that she has more to lose financially helps my confidence. If she is true to form she will do evrything in the opposite direction. For instance 1 week before she advised me she wanted a divorce I had e-mailed her that we should keep the separation a separation and not get attornies involved. So she turned right around and went to an attorney. So once she sees that I want her to continue I am hoping that she will start to slow it down or perhaps stop it. I will soon see.<p>I let word get out that I am dating. I believe that right now she does not feel that she is losing me in the divorce because she has this mental picture of me begging her that I love her etc, because that's what I did until a week ago. So by me dating she will start to think that she is losing me. Only problem here is I might find someone I like better.<p>Other things I started doing is acting happy in front of everyone (very hard to do) and acting indifferent to the whole thing.<p>And lastly as of 11/23 I have stopped all contact with her and I will only contact her if she calls me and I have to return her call. And whatever she says I will agree with her and take all the blame.<p>I know this is long but it's a plan anyway. All this is going to take a while so I hope it works.
If she does decide to try and reconcile then I will use the basic concepts or go to marriage councelling or whatever it takes. Wish me luck