Friends, Bill
(Lost Husband) gave me some excellent advice to a question I posed him last week. As we reflect on this past year, I thought his comments might help someone else besides me. So, with his permission, I'm posting his very thoughtful and wise reply. All the best and blessed New Year! May THIS be our best year yet folks! <p>LostHusband states: <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Peace comes from within - any more questions?<p>Oh, so how do you get it to come from within you ask? I don't know. You of all people know my struggle. So I'm going to look at how I found peace as climbing a ladder.<p>
Acceptance: The first step is always the hardest. How can I accept my marriage is over? How can I accept my children's lives will forever be scared? How can I accept that I have betrayed God?<p>First off I realized that I had no control as to whether my marriage was over. It didn't matter who filed this or who did that. I can't control it so accepted it. Next was the hard one dealing with the kids. Had to realize that if I'm the Best damn father in the world and take care of their emotional needs then they will be just fine. Finally dealing with Him, read all you want but the fact is that He is a forgiving God. So I laid everything on His table and begged for His forgiveness and I got it.<p>Next I moved to
Finality: This is the step that in your situation is a problem. I went through with divorce protecting my girls and myself. I got it over with. I mourned when I needed to and then went on.<p>Then it went to
Discovery: Who am I? This was another hard one because I associated my being with fatherhood and marriage. I liked defining myself by my titles. But as I looked back and with some help from my family I realized I had become a whole other person. My passion for life had been replaced with persistence to keep what I had at all costs. They showed me footprints that I couldn't see on my own. Slowly I began to see where and why my transformation had taken place. I saw the picture of my life come together like a puzzle only problem was it wasn't a pretty picture.<p>So that moved me to
Action: Now that I know who I was and who I am now it was time to make a prettier puzzle and decide who I want to be. Through discovery it was decided that the person I was 10-15 years ago was a lot better than who I had become. So I listed goods and bads from each. Then I studied the bad behaviors and stopped. Furthermore, I listed the good behaviors and either continued them or started them up again. Thus, the birth of the "JESTER".<p>Finally, I took the last step and again it was called
Acceptance: I accepted that this was the person I was going to be. I work hard every day to be that person and have reminders around to let me know when I am failing and to let me see my successes. I have truly learned what I cannot control. Talk about a hard pill to swallow. Reality is I can't hardly control a thing. So for all those things I pray and put them out of my list of concerns.<p>Nicole,<p>I am not married.
I am the best damn father on the face of this earth.
I have a great relationship with the Lord.
I have three totally awesome daughters.
I have friends who love me for who I am.
I love my friends for who they are.
and lastly, I love MYSELF.....<p>It's my opinion that from the love of one's self is peace born. Easy to say but hard to get to. One thing that is a must is a positive attitude towards life.<p>"""Faith, Hope, and Love but the greatest of these is Love""" True gifts from God now which one's do you possess. I'm guessing your response is that you lost "Hope & Love" and I submit that you have all these.<p>Can you see them in your life?<p>FAITH: If anything I believe your faith has been strengthened through this whole ordeal.<p>HOPE: This is the one you think you've lost but I submit to you that you have merely mis-directed it. Where does your hope lie? To me Hope should go
no further than ourselves. You should concentrate on the HOPE for your happiness, relationship with God, being a great mother, being a great friend, and loving yourself. Sure we could throw in being a great wife but due to circumstances you can't control you are not allowed to do that therefore you shouldn't place false hope in it.<p>LOVE: You have the love of your friends and sons. I know your response is that isn't the same as the love you desire from your H. I disagree totally. I believe it's the Greeks that have names for different types of love and it's taught in church's around the world. I don't buy it. Seek the meaning of love, I believe there is only one kind of love, the love that the Lord has taught and showed us. Seek it, attain it, show it and you will receive it. I am more satisfied with my non-sexual, non-partner love life now than I have been for the past at least 6 years. I am now totally free to give all types of love (well except one) to all those around me. My reward I receive theirs.[<hr></blockquote><p>Friends, may this year be one of peace and joy for you... instead of your New Year's resolution, make a spiritual or prayer resolution and keep it like a mantra for the year!<p>God bless you!
Nicole
