I have a question? As some know I have a WS/W, she has filed for Divorce should be final in May. Problem is she tells me that I'm good looking and not ugly and many woman should be snatching me up, insist Strongly we should depart but stay real, real close friends, and says its not that there are better men than me out there, but she said she is not attracted to me because we're not compatiable any longer and we both changed over the years, been together 21 yrs ,M18...She always states why the marriage should end and we move on...She keeps trying to excuse me from the marriage," you be better off with someone more compatible with you"<p>She claims at the moment she is not in any affair and is going to church now and says when I speak about my hurt, I'm bringing up the past now, but yet she will not apologize for any of what she did...Now she says getting this Divorce because its her own choice and free will and not because of Adultery but yet she says her life will be wonderful after the divorce.<p>She says she has male friends now that if I said anything that would hurt her they would stand up for her and beat me down?<p>If I tell her she just said something at the moment that hurt me, she's real apologetic and says she sorry, but no apology for past affairs..<p>Does any one have a clue what is happening, is this still part of the LIE, or is she coming out of the FOG??<p>I feel I might can do a plan A or B, None of this occured until, I totally ignored her for weeks and now its like she's still trying to divorce me but hang on to me too?...Help! What would you do??

Same words my WH used almost to the letter.<p>They are just trying to find an easy way out. Trying to get us to agree with them so that they don't have as much guilt.<p>The affair/addiction is making them say these things.<p>Wish I could say something more promising. But after my WH said these words to me I Plan A'd for almost 3 months and nothing happened except him getting deeper into the affair.<p>However, remember that the Plans are for you. Plan A lays the ground work for Plan B. Plan A lets your WS see changes, so that when the affair does end the marriage becomes an attractive choice.<p>I had some intervening situations that prevented a longer Plan A. And every spouse is different.<p>You know your spouse better than anyone, so do what you feel they'll respond to. K

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She says she has male friends now that if I said anything that would hurt her they would stand up for her and beat me down?
<hr></blockquote><p>Gee what a nice person your STBXW is by threatening you with bodily injury. It seems her going to church has not helped to make her a better human beign. I say good riddance, you'll be better off without her in the long run.<p>Next time she tells you something along these lines tell her that you have informed your attorney and the police, that she has threatened you with bodily injury and if something serious happens to you that she will be the prime suspect. Let's see how cocky her reaction will be when you tell her that.<p>Joe [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 27, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Oh yeah, my wife fantasized about something like that, i just ignored it. . . knowing that it was fantasy. . . <p>fog induces fantasy, and what you have to do is work on yourself. . . learn how to have a positive mental attitude even through adversity. . . and learn how big your sphere of influence is. . . not very big is usually what one finds. . . so concentrate on <p>1) learning to be the person a sensible person would love, polite, cheerful. . . <p>2) if you don't have anything nice to say about someone, don't say anything. . . better that they wonder if you are angry, than open your mouth and they learn you are angry. . . and they run away. . .<p>3) learn to be the attractive independent person you were before your W met you, and return to your normal self, that others who might be attracted to you would admire. . .<p>gotta go<p>wiftty

I heard same things almost word for word, she acted like she was doing me a favor by divorcing, telling me I would be better off and all that crap, she insisted there was no one else, she said she loved me but wasn't in love with me what ever that means. 2 months after seperation she moved out of town and in with OM, and still insisted that she didn't leave me for OM. I say the FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG is thick

Jabber<p>You just told my story. She always had a male friend like I have female friends. But my friends are just friends. <p>He was married and went through a divorce. They became friends at work. Unknown to me they talked about our relationship. He was able to give her advice on us staying together.<p>Well her friend became more than a friend after she moved out. Is it a grieving STBX looking to be consoled? Was their an emotional or physical affair before she move out?<p>I don't know.

Everlasting,
This is stuff right out of the handbook. My now x said the same things except the veiled threats.
She too talked about how we grew apart and how I should start dating pretty soon after discovery.<p>She also would not talk about affair except every once in a while bring up the "fun" things they did.<p>She too had male friends at work, and this had been a sore place for me for a long time. SHe had one particular friend who was an expert on everything and she was always coming home telling me what he would do in my situation. So apparently she talked to him as well as others about our life. I was starting to get suspicious of him when he was fired for being in a part of the hospital he wasn't supposed to be in. X defended saying, "they were out to get him." She didn't believe he could be wrong. <p>I on the other hadn couldn't say I was having a bad day or x thought I was getting fired.<p>During our reconciliation attempts and visits to 3 different counselors, all x did was bring up my downsides.<p>I never did or have received any appologies. I am not going to hold my breath either.<p>She is still in the fog, and om is in picture. She is now trying to get you to do something, or drive you away so divorce will be your fault.<p>My x kept at it, till I no longer cared and I restarted the divorce papers she had started and we had put on hold at one time.<p>This is the time for plan A if you want to save your marriage.<p>[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: RWD ]</p>