Hi,<p>I went to see the financial guru today, and boy did I become enlightened. I tell you guys, if you have not already done so, protect yourselves...get details of all your assets and hide it in a safe place...freeze them so that neither of you can sell up anything until settlement.<p>My 'darling'previously trustworthy, upright, honest citizen STBX has hidden assets of over $50,000 Aust on paper, and more too, if my memory serves me correctly. Fortunately for me, the money guy IS brilliant, and knows just how to find out where this money went, or at least for H to be acoountable for it. Doesn't mean I will SEE any of it though.<p>Mother Bear has reared her head here...every penny he thinks he takes from ME, is for the kids. The investments were always for the kids, we always said that. Now he has hidden some so I won't get it...he has truly forgotten the kids.<p>I am angry, but also clear headed at the same time. I have a great guy working for me, and I am about to change lawyers...the one I have is a nice guy, but has no fight instinct. I need someone who is willing to get their hands dirty now. Luckily money guy knows a very good lawyer....a female, and in his words, she can be a B****. Just what I need, cos I am all out of energy.<p>Please everyone, look after number one, right NOW...don't wait for the WS to come clean, or have a talk, or whatever it is you are waiting for. These guys fight dirty. <p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Jacky,<p>I agree 100%. All decisions the BS makes should be made based solely on protecting the children and herself financially - and in cases where that is in conflict with Plan A/no disrespectful judgments/waiting for the WS to come out of the fog/letting him do the work if he wants a divorce etc., so be it. I have come to realize that much of the Harley's advice is not only not helpful but downright dangerous. In most cases where the H leaves suddenly after a long-term marriage, exactly this happens - a formerly decent, honest, responsible father will turn into someone who you wouldn't trust to watch your pocketbook containing your last dollar while you go to the ladies' room.
"Sudden Endings" describes this transformation so well - these men are not just angry at their wives, and transfer all their anger at themselves onto their wives, but they also often believe that they are being persecuted by their wives, and will do whatever they can to get revenge, regardless of the impact it has on their children. A few years ago I would have been dubious had a friend recounted such events - until you live through it, it is hard to believe.

Hey Jacky,<p>Missed you this morning on IM, perhaps we can talk tonight. I am sorry your husband is being such a pig by hiding money and lying about your separation date.<p>You deserve and will some day have better.<p>c'ya lady,
ANNA

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Mother Bear has reared her head here...every penny he thinks he takes from ME, is for the kids. <hr></blockquote><p>You hit the [censored] on the butt. Protect your babies! I hear the courts really frown upon things like this. I kind of like your new lawyer!<p>Elizabeth

Sorry to hear this fight will have to be ugly, but I'm glad you have a wizard on your side.<p>Something to think about: a public figure here in MN, USA, is getting divorced, and details are starting to hit the papers. His W's lawyers have subpeonaed a suspected OW's financial records. Marital assets are supposed to be split 50/50, but if they can prove a significant portion of his 50% went to OW, that will reduce what he's going to take away in the settlement. Don't know how this would play out in OZ, but as I said, something for you to think about.<p>by the way, re: your note to me on the other thread. I don't have a hotmail address; you can e-mail me @msn.com or @yahoo.com.

Dear Nina,<p>I'm so thankful you had that appointment yesterday. Its good to hear you have someone looking out for you. <p>Yes, change lawyers... I think I could have done better... I was too afraid to change lawyers. I wish I would have now. But really, no one wins in a divorce. Its so sad for our children.. not to forget what it does to us.<p>Keep a note pad or something close at all times. You might remember something about your assets or even write down any questions you might have.
This way when you have your appointments, you won't feel so scattered. <p>Take care... keep your chin up ... remember...protect yourself and your babies.
We know that their fathers don't care.
Sad but true...<p>S

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Nina too:
...the money guy IS brilliant, and knows just how to find out where this money went, or at least for H to be acoountable for it. Doesn't mean I will SEE any of it though.<hr></blockquote><p>Don't underestimate the power of a threatening letter. Your H thinks he can put this over on you; once he gets a letter saying "we know you're hiding these assets," his lawyer will read him the riot act and he'll have to 'fess up on assets.<p>Of course, first he'll have to change his underwear.

Dear friends,<p>It means so much to hear from you all.......feeling really low about all this, but I know I have to fight. The timing stinks........in about ten days I have to go into hospital, and I will have a recovery period of six weeks........so I have to get a lot done in only a few days.<p>I have decided not to talk to that man again, for any reason.......else I will set him on his tail with a verbal repartee that would make a wrestler blush. This is NOT to Plan A or B, just for my own karma, y'know? Why waste my breath on such scum.<p>Dabigtrain....that comment about the panic once he knows I am onto him...that is exactly what the FA said...he says that it will cause them to go into tailspin. I hope so. <p>All this time, he has thought I am stupid, and maybe in some respects he was right. But I have told him all along, over the seventeen years, I am fairly placid, until one of my own is hurt. Well, he is hurting the future of my three babies...he has a fighter on his hands.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Hi Jacky,<p>I'm glad you are getting what you should for you and kids. Be angry, say whatever you want to him, so what? You're on D/D, not other forum areas where marriage building is discussed.<p>I am really terrible at wording things but this thread should be a BIG warning - it's IMPORTANT. We all know the pain of infidelity or a marriage ending here, and we all know how difficult it can be to get your head in a rational place. This falls in that what should I do now or first area. <p>I have advised women here to, at the very least take ALL the paperwork, everything you can find and at the very least make copies and REMOVE them from any access by the infidel. Get them out of your house! Also, I don't see how this "violates" Plan A. If things should work out, great, the copies go unused.<p>Take cash or move cash if at all possible and have someone hold it for you, again, no access by the infidel. DO NOT open another account with that cash, just hold it for emergency. You may have to give back half later on. If you spend it, document where it goes.<p>If the WS is stating 'I'll take care of you, you never need to worry, I'll give you money every week,etc', get a dollar amount and get a lawyer to write up an agreement. That's not a sep. agreement, just a financial contract between two people. While the WS is in a giving(guilty), part as friends mood, get it done. And by all means, PLan A until you have that signature.<p>I am with Nellie on this one. While the Plans here are an emotional act they do not address the financial danger and reality of exit affairs. As cold and materialistic as this sounds, if you have been married for 10 minutes, months or 10 years protect yourself. They do turn into your financial enemy over nite.<p>I hope your six weeks of recovery gets YOU all the Love and Light you so deserve.<p>IS

Yep Jacky,<p>Although my ex didn't have $50,000 hidden, he had thousands (about $15,000) hidden in several accounts with his name alone on them. <p>He kept telling me how "broke" he was... hmmm... little did I know he had $6,000 in one account, $3,000 in another... and even when we still lived together, he paid the rent on the house and I paid all the other bills, because he "was broke" paying for a side business. Then when we separated it got worse. I was fighting to pay bills, bouncing checks and getting behind on everything. <p>In the divorce, I didn't touch his retirement because I wanted to be "fair"... and boy, I could have gotten quite a chunk after our 20 year marriage. <p>I'm glad you've seen a real live financial person and know the TRUTH. <p>Let this be a warning -- that's for darned sure!

Yes, MB,<p>My financial advisor has told me that stuff, and I am currently working on it...<p>In fact so is he. He called me today to tell me that my H's accountant is not pleased that I want copies of the share documents...well I am part owner of them, and thus he must give me details....my guy told him to cut the crap, and just send what we ask for [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . He is tough.<p>I also spoke to my new lawyer...you know, the one supposed to be a b****...(to the other side, of course). She knows a lot too, and whether or not he has hidden that money, she believes I can have THAT amount included in my H's final settlement...in otherwords, if he hid $50,000 he is going to get $50,000 less in the settlement [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Serves him right!<p>Look, I just want what is rightfully ours (me and kids)...but if he wants to do it dirty, I will fight. And I think I now have the right people behind me to help.<p>Thanks everyone for replying.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky