Hi everyone,

Well Friday stbx sent me an apology of sorts and it included a wish to be back with his family...see below, the thread called IN SHOCK.

Most people told me to bide my time, which I did.

Well today, after the weekend, I got a nasty email from him, right back in the fog. Talks about Christmas and how he will get court orders to force the kids to go with him and the OW, and tells me to stop telling my kids bad stuff about him. Which I DON'T. As a child, I had to endure that kind of thing from my mother, and I know the devastation it can cause, so I make HUGE efforts not to.

I am sitting here thinking that over the weekend he and OW sat and made this letter together, and he is back in his fog. Fine, I can handle that. I just do not understand the heartfelt email he sent before this. I know for sure she NEVER would have seen that, and I am SOOOOOOOOO tempted to send it to their home address. Let HER deal with his dual personality. Get revenge, whatever.

He is confusing the hell out of me, and I am just so sick of it. I was going to wait until after Christmas to counter-file for divorce, but I think I will do it now. He hasn't moved at ALL in his divorce procedure since August 9.

So since he has threatened me with court, should I just give in now? Because I am sure S would be called to give his opinion, since he is a very intelligent nine and a half year old boy, and I can see that would be very bad for him. Do I fail my son if I MAKE him go with his dad? He truly does NOT want to go, and can give very valid and sensible reasons for it (which my stbx blames ME for planting in his brain - again NOT true).

I am just SICK over this.

Another thing is that I know his family do not want the children going on holiday with OW. Do I let them see this new letter threatening me? His sister told me that if I did not force S to go, the whole family would back me up.

So I am a mess AGAIN. This OW is an expert on mind games, and I think they are playing me...so what the heck do I do now?

Help!

Yes. She is manipulating him. And probably threatening him. And if it is about your kids, take action now. Do not force your children to be around her. She is pushing the limits here and her real nasty self and horribly destructive side is showing. I would resend the email to her back from an alternate email address so your stbx wouldn'tknow it is from you. She does need to know.

He is pulling away from this clackety heeled beast and she doesn't like it at all.

I say take the tough love approach and do what you have to do. You can be sure she wrote the letter with stbx. And take her as$ to court. She is awful, awful and he is spineless to go along with it after acknowledging the horrors this affair has done to your family.

Maybe a stiff dose of reality will shock him into reality. Remember, holidays sometimes brings out the very worst in people and OW is doing just that. SHE IS DESPERATE. DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER. SHE IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM. LET HER KICK AND SCREAM ALL THE WAY INTO THE COURTHOUSE.

Kids do not NEED TO BE AROUND THIS HOSE BEAST.

Nina,

I whole-heartedly agree with NotPeachy...ow probably got a hint that he was waffling, and pitched a fit, and now she's got him "Wrapped" all over again. I predict it won't last too long. Just wait it out. Otherwise, he would have filed all paperwork and had everything all neat and tidy by now.

I seriously doubt your son would have to testify in court, he's still a little young for that. Is he in any type of counseling? If he isn't, that's too bad. A NON-BIASED counselor could speak on his behalf in court as to the damage this visit would cause him.

Any other testimony, from YOU or him, will only be construed as "brain-washing" from you.

I am totally in your corner, and you shouldn't have to send the boy if he truly does NOT want to go. Use his family, if you have to, but stick to your guns. You are totally in the right. We are all pulling for you. This is not easy, nor fun.

God Bless,

Hi Jackie! I'm sorry this happened to you - he's playing the ole 'feel sorry for me -whoopsie I just back-stabbed you' game.
Just my Opinion - if it were me - I'd see him in court WITH my son, print all emails from him as evidence in court, get the meanest divorce lawyer I could find, and tell her/him about how your STBX is FORCING your child to do things against their will! Judges take a pretty dim view of that sort of goings on. Your STBX has done nothing but play mind games with you and as long as he has WITCH-HO with him, he's NOT going to change! Feelings of anyone else other than his witch and himself mean absolutely nothing. Since he's hell-bent on throwing his life away (along with everything and everyone dear to him) with BOTH HANDS, there's not much hope of him ever waking up and seeing clear light of day...
Prayers for you, Harold
O yeah, one last thing. Be sure and hit 'reply' to that 'kind sweet' email he sent you earlier, so his WITCH will be sure and see it! Let him have fun explaining THAT one away to her. Fact is, send it a few times, perhaps she'll have a chance to read it - after all, just how much do you think she actually trusts him, and even less so after she reads that email...

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: DJ T-Bird ]</small>

Thanks for the support. I feel very alone today, so I do need my MB friends so much.

Well here is the email....it was in response to the one I sent him about the fact that S does not want to go with him if OW is there:

Jack,

Whilst I understand the points below, in a perfect world all these considerations would be easier to apply.

But this is not the case in our situation.

If you want to quote legalities [Note: I didn't - they were quotes from psychologists] then it would be difficult for you to restrain S and/or G from coming with me on holidays. I have not seen them for 11 months and if you persist in indicating that you will protect S from not coming with me, I will initiate court action - which you will inevitably lose, to get custody for the holidays. I have already capitulated for Christmas day and made other concessions, for the benefit of the kids.

The negative effect on S not seeing me would far outweigh his staying at home and sulking. I think it would be beneficial not to have G around when S is talking about this...she picks up the feeling and runs with it unnecessarily because she sees S is upset. Kids are very resilient and will have unbounded love showered upon them. It might be tough, but at least I will be around for them to either vent their spleen, or to have an absolutely fantastic holiday. The truth is that the reality is somewhere in between the two extremes.

The kids will be ok.....you can tell S that everything will be ok, because for them, everything will be ok. They will be loved by both parents, they will have full and satisfying lives, and will be constantly shown their own potential in the world. I think that you are the one who thinks that things will not be ok and thus you are not prepared to encourage the kids to think otherwise. To be so open about your feelings about us and the situation is unfair to them, because they only get to look at this through your eyes. [Note: He is basing this solely on speculation on the type of person he thinks I am, and if I WAS once like that, I am not now, Plan A and all!] I suppose you are within your personal rights to think what you want to about our split and my relationship with someone else, but you must not let it affect the kids on an emotional level that is meant for adults. Please think about what I have said here carefully, as you may not have considered it.

Stand next to yourself for a few minutes and have a look at the situation from an outside observers' point of view. The kids will respond to everything that is shown and said to them, whether it be positive or negative. I speak to them in a positive manner everytime I call, and my chance to show them positive love is coming in December. You are very fortunate to have the opportunity to do both now.

Once again, S should be encouraged to come on holidays with us, but I will take any measures necessary to ensure that he does. You have a chance to make things better for the kids, and improve the way they think about the situation.

Regards,

[Man with his head in the fog again]

Help me with this...I am sooooo struggling.

Dear Jacky,

I am soooo sorry this is happening to you. I have no great advice, but I would suggest a calm approach so things don't escalate out of control.

He needs to understand that, whilst kids may well be 'resilient' (everyone's favourite word...not!!), it takes some getting to that point. And having him force your son to do things against his will won't help any in attaining that resilience. What it will breed is resentment instead.

Could you suggest a 'softly softly' approach on his behalf again.... that perhaps you would be prepared for your son to go on holidays at some point in his visit, subject to how he copes with short visits initially?? That's a huge compromise on your part, I know, but maybe it's an idea. I don't know how long he is back in Oz for, nor what he plans to do, holidayswise???? I hope he's not planning on doing the Disney Dad thing, and heading up to the Gold Coast!!!

He needs to understand you are not quoting legalities, nor threatening him, but are concerned for you children, and ask that he show them the same concern, without resorting to blame as to why they are feeling sad about the situation. He needs to be supportive of you in your efforts at parenting, more so than many other couples, because you are pretty much doing it on your own. Regardless of what he may think should happen, the reality is that the kids spend 99.9% of their time with you. It's not your job to put his point of view to them. You can only be true to yourself. And if you're not badmouthing him, then what else does he expect from you??? To say what a great dad he is for what he has done?? I don't think so. Kids will see through that, they are not stupid.

Anyway, vent away... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

M.

PS, if you ever need to ring me for a shoulder at any time, please just email me, and I can give you my phone number.

Hi Jacky,

I still take a look around here every once in a while. I just wanted to say that when I filed, I was able to block my now-X from having my kids around any members of the opposite sex - the court agreed to it as we were still married. I don't know what you can do in australia - you may have no say in them going with him, but you may have plenty to say about who they are with.

Worth a try if you plan to counterfile anyway.

I wish you lots of luck and eventual peace.

(Had to edit because of my attrotious ?? grammar, and spelling!).

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 08:15 PM: Message edited by: weirded out ]</small>

Jacky,

As I said, I didn't think he was truly remoseful,
or that he's even thought about what he's done..
and I wouldn't blame it all on Miss Clackety..

I say that because he has a brain of his own to use..and yes, she may use some manipulation..he still has a free will..and he's only looking at his wants..and not his kids needs..

he doesn't see them every day, or even every other weekend to even know where they are emotionally..he's even admitted he hasn't seen HIS kids in 11 months!! Whose fault is that???
Certainly NOT yours, and Certainly NOT the kids..
and in reality, it's not OW's fault either..that
has been his choice..which makes it even more difficult to understand..

So if the kids don't want to go, he can try and force it..but he won't win any points with them..

Hi Jax... so sorry about this... and in fact, this letter from your STBX is nauseating. It really doesn't sound like 'him'. Or maybe it is him and he only has the "courage" to say it when he's WITH her. It's so bizarre.

I wouldn't respond in kind.

These comments in particular make me want to hurl! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will initiate court action - which you will inevitably lose, to get custody for the holidays. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How the H#!! does he know you're going to lose? That's a bunch of pony crap trying to manipulate you into feeling inferior and giving up before anything starts...

And furthermore, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and my chance to show them positive love is coming in December. You are very fortunate to have the opportunity to do both now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lord Jesus give me STRENGTH! What in the world is HE talking about here? Is he nuts? the chance to show positive love (as opposed to all the negative love he's BEEN showing) is coming in December and YOU have to capitulate to that crap?

You have to detach sweetie... do NOT get up in arms and do NOT react to him in kind. You do need to protect your kids, and I think you're doing just that. Playing "happy family" is simply NOT going to happen. That is so scary and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this again... my prayers of conviction are going out for your H that his reality would come crashing down. I pray that OW will NOT be able to come to Oz afterall.

Chin up girl...
Nicole

ps - HE that is in you is GREATER than s/he who is in the world. More than ever strengthen your faith... look UP not over at your STBX or situation... look UP and trust, you are NOT walking alone.

Hi Jacky,

I was afraid this might happen. Unfortuntely it seems OW is at the helm again, and yes, I believe she has somehow convinced him that your children's unhappiness has nothing to do with his flagrant infidelity and bad choices, but instead something you may have either contrived or planted in their heads. I'm sorry for this.

OW has his time and his ear, and hearing he's not hurting his children from OW is what he wants to hear, even tho it's not reality. She helps him stay in denial and keeps a close rein on him this way. She seems very manipulative and coniving.

I dont know what to say about the Holiday's regarding his visitation requests. I lean towards you sticking to your guns and reinforcing your decision with your in-laws backing you. You're such a good mom, I know you'll make the right choices.

I also don't know if you should forward your H's remorse email to OW. Even tho it will place a big wedge between them and cause all sorts of static, your H will be angry with you. And it would only serve to continue a battle between you and him, one that may affect the kids in the long run. It may also keep him from ever sharing any of his real feelings with you again in fear that OW would be told.

Believe me Jacky, I would want to send it to OW too, it's just that I know if you don't send it eventually your H's feelings of remorse will resurface again on their own, because he has shown that his relationship with OW is a house of cards, and she knows this, it's only a matter of time before the house begins to completely crumble. Let it happen on it's own steam.

Stay strong, Hon.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ October 29, 2002, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Gosh, there is somehing else, Jacky.

That remorse email your H sent to you. Well, that's a secret you and he share, and a lie (by omission) to OW.

Somewhere in the literature I believe Harley says when the WS starts lying or keeping secrets from the OP is when the A usually starts to fall apart.

Lv,
Jo

Here in the states judges don't take kindly to co-habitation when you're still married. MY STBX isn't allowed to!

Go to court, and take that letter with you. Hasn't seen them in ll months, and this is what he wants to start off with? Oh, he has the kids' best interests in mind, sure...Arrogant SOB certainly has his head up his ***!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nina too:
<strong>Thanks for the support. I feel very alone today, so I do need my MB friends so much.

Well here is the email....
Jack,

Whilst I understand the points below, in a perfect world all these considerations would be easier to apply.
A PERFECT WORLD, HUH? WELL, IT'S NOT - AND YOU CERTAINLY HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING TO HELP THE IMPERFECT ONE WE HAVE NOW - FACT IS, YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO MAKE IT WORSE!!

But this is not the case in our situation.
PAINFULLY OBVIOUSLY NOT, THANKS TO YOUR DETERMINATION TO BUST UP OUR FAMILY BECAUSE OF YOUR SELFISHNESS!

If you want to quote legalities [Note: I didn't - they were quotes from psychologists] then it would be difficult for you to restrain S and/or G from coming with me on holidays.
YEAH RIGHT. AND JUST WHOSE FAULT IS THAT, I MIGHT ASK YOU?? CERTAINLY NOT MINE - YOU WERE THE ONE WHO INSISTED ON MOVING OUT!!
I have not seen them for 11 months (AGAIN, THAT IS YOUR FAULT - YOU INSIST ON CONTINUING THIS ADULTERY AND BUSTING UP OUR FAMILY, NOT ME!) and if you persist in indicating that you will protect S from not coming with me, I will initiate court action - which you will inevitably lose, (IN A PIGS EYE, APPARENTLY YOU DON'T KNOW THE LAW - IT SAYS THAT THE CHILDREN'S DESIRES WILL BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION - NOT CHEATING HUSBANDS DESIRES, SO GET OVER IT BUD) to get custody for the holidays. I have already capitulated for Christmas day and made other concessions, for the benefit of the kids. (GEE, ISN'T THAT SO NICE OF YOU. AND JUST THINK - YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO 'CAPITULATE' AT ALL IF YOU'DE LEAVE YOUR 'HO ALONE, REALIZE WHO YOU COMMITTED TO LIFE WITH, AND COME BACK TO ME)

The negative effect on S not seeing me would far outweigh his staying at home and sulking. (ARE YOU SMOKING DOPE? WHERE IN THE WORLD HAVE YOU MANAGED TO COME UP WITH THIS WARPED LINE OF REASONING??) I think it would be beneficial not to have G around when S is talking about this...she picks up the feeling and runs with it unnecessarily because she sees S is upset. (WELL DUH! ARE YOU FINALLY WAKING UP AND REALIZING THE DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE TO OUR KIDS?) Kids are very resilient and will have unbounded love showered upon them. It might be tough, but at least I will be around for them to either vent their spleen, or to have an absolutely fantastic holiday. (FACE THE HARD COLD FACTS, BUDROE - YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU CHOSE THAT WENCH OVER THEM AND ME!!) The truth is that the reality is somewhere in between the two extremes. (TRUTH??!! WANNA TALK ABOUT TRUTH? HOW CAN YOU, YOU'RE SO IN THE FOG OF STUPIDITY AND SELFISHNESS YOU WOULDN'T SEE A SNAKE IF IT BIT YOU!)

The kids will be ok.....you can tell S that everything will be ok, because for them, everything will be ok. (THAT WOULD ONLY BE TRUE IF YOU WAKE UP, DUMP THE 'HO YOU'RE WITH AND RETURN TO THE FAMILY YOU BUSTED UP!! UNTIL THEN, THEY WILL CONTINUE SUFFERING, AS WELL AS I WILL, UNTIL YOU COME BACK TO US, SO QUIT DELUDING YOURSELF!) They will be loved by both parents, they will have full and satisfying lives, and will be constantly shown their own potential in the world. (CORRECTION: THEY WILL BE LOVED BY ONE PARENT - THE ONE THEY LIVE WITH NOW AND CERTAINLY NOT BY YOU - YOUR ACTIONS HAVE SPOKEN LOUDER THAN ANY WORDS YOU MIGHT EMAIL OR SAY TO THEM, OUR KIDS ARE NOT STOOPIT AS YOU SEEM TO THINK THEY ARE.) I think that you are the one who thinks that things will not be ok and thus you are not prepared to encourage the kids to think otherwise. (WHAT A CROCK OF [censored]) To be so open about your feelings about us and the situation is unfair to them, because they only get to look at this through your eyes. (UNFAIR?? LET'S TALK ABOUT UNFAIR - WHAT YOU'VE DONE EVER SINCE YOU LEFT ME IS UNFAIR, SO GET OFF YOUR DELUDED HIGH HORSE, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE AND QUIT LISTENING TO THAT BS YOUR 'HO IS FILLING YOUR HEAD WITH!) [Note: He is basing this solely on speculation on the type of person he thinks I am, and if I WAS once like that, I am not now, Plan A and all!] I suppose you are within your personal rights to think what you want to about our split and my relationship with someone else, but you must not let it affect the kids on an emotional level that is meant for adults. (NOT LET IT AFFECT THE KIDS ON AN EMOTIONAL LEVEL?? PUULLLEASE! THE CRAP IS GETTING SO DEEP HERE I NEED WADER BOOTS! YOU'RE SMOKING DOPE IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE HALF THE TRIPE YOU'VE WRITTEN IN THIS LETTER) Please think about what I have said here carefully, as you may not have considered it.

Stand next to yourself for a few minutes and have a look at the situation from an outside observers' point of view. (EXCUSE ME? WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING EVER SINCE YOU LEFT THE KIDS AND ME? SITTING AROUND WATCHING SOAPS AND EATING BON-BONS?) The kids will respond to everything that is shown and said to them, whether it be positive or negative. (THANK YOU! AND THAT IS WHY YOUR SON DOES NOT WANT TO SEE YOU AT CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR 'HO! - YOU SAID IT, NOT ME) I speak to them in a positive manner everytime I call, and my chance to show them positive love is coming in December. (COULD YOU DEFINE POSITIVE LOVE FOR ME? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, IF YOU THINK YOU'RE IN THE RIGHT WITH YOUR ADULTERY AND BUSTING UP THIS FAMILY!) You are very fortunate to have the opportunity to do both now. (I'D BE MORE FORTUNATE WITH YOU BY MY SIDE AND OUT OF THE FOG)

Once again, S should be encouraged to come on holidays with us, but I will take any measures necessary to ensure that he does. (GO AHEAD, SET YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE, BECAUSE YOU ARE A MASSIVE FAILURE AS A FATHER RIGHT NOW - NOT TO MENTION AS MY HUSBAND - BUT YOU NEED TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT - AND THE JUDGE WILL VALIDATE THAT IN COURT) You have a chance to make things better for the kids, and improve the way they think about the situation. (HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING EVER SINCE YOU WALKED OUT ON US?? ANSWER ME THAT.)

Regards,

[Man with his head in the fog again]

Help me with this...I am sooooo struggling.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jackie, I'm sorry this is still going on. Perhaps you might want to re-send him that email with my 'remarkz' in it - might make him think. I sure hope this works out well for your and your kids.
Peace to you, Harold

I would almost want to send the email to OW certified so she has to read it and sign for it. She is going to be awakened. Was ms. clickety clack so naive to think that a man who lies to his wife would be above lying to his mistress wo is deserving of actually nothing from him in the legal sense at all? She is fooling her little cheap self.

And you can also email our responses. Heck, I don't care. The more people know that this behavior is wrong and sinful the better. And while your x is to blame, the OW is definitely fueling the fire. And now is definitely the time before holiday time approaches to fire the legal guns. Get them blazing and aimed directly at this awol daddy and mistress.

I am so angered at the words he wrote. I have heard similar versions. Especially the part about how kids will only react to what is shown to them. The part about you looking at this sitation from an outsider's viewpoint? Who the heck does this wack job think would see it his way???A satanist perhaps??? I don't know. Maybe a serial killer. Or someone in prison for that matter. But he is lying to himself.

I agree to the very good points made here with the only exception being to those who have said to just find an amicable solution. No. Not possible. And I am a firm believer in not rocking the boat if needed. But that is not going to work here. His words are proof enough. He has also threatened you and kids legally. Fire away with a bulldog of a divorce attorney. You, like me, have lived in limbo long enough. Time to shoot my sister. As they say, fire when you see the whites in their eyes....It is showing now. Protect your little ones. This isn't about revenge. Or the affair. It is now about doing the right and just thing for the children who have been terribly crushed by their actions. You're a big girl and have done quite well in taking care of you. Take care of them and cement their futures with you. Can you honestly trust a man who has placed his selfish desires way above that of his own innocent children??? My point exactly. This whole "they are resiliant and will react only to the negative they see" is just pure bs.

Let ms. clickety clack get a subpoena for Christmas...lol...Make sure you get a temporary custody hearing before the holiday season. An attorney can get an emergency hearing for you and this should be easy. It is time to let reality slap your stbx in the face.

It is as though he is a toddler having a temper tantrum. He wants his way. No matter if it is wrong, is harmful, but is just seeking appeasement for HIM. And his OW is just another selfish toddler too. Realize this. Treat them as such. And do like djt says to and RETAIN A SUM B(TCH....That's what we call them down south.

If he ever wakes up and leaves the fog permanently and wants to actively pursue his family together again, he is free do do so. In the meanwhile, you protect the kids. If they don't want to see this then why subject them to mental torture. And his insistence on it is just that MENTAL TORTURE.

I am humming another one bites the dust by queen right now...

I am praying for you guys and even for this man. Your stbx. He needs more prayers b/c he is getting extra heat from ms. clickety clack to DO THE WRONG THING. Yep. She is losing him. He is gradually moving away. And nothing like throwing cold water in his face or down his pants, in a legal way, to wake him up and that might be the very thing that helps him from escaping her mind control. Tough legal love. Or just tough legality. You can choose my sister. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Jackie,

Leave the OW out of this OK? Then go to your lawyer (solicitor, in Aus right?) and file. Also see what your rights are there with regard to his visit. He is sabre rattling, but he is also their father and they do need to see him. But, it may be a bit much to have OW along with them, since he is still married to you. If he had had any brains he would have pushed the divorce and very likely you would not have a leg to stand on, except that you are the custodial parent.

He made one comment that I feel you send back to him {quote]Stand next to yourself for a few minutes and have a look at the situation from an outside observers' point of view. The kids will respond to everything that is shown and said to them, whether it be positive or negative. [/quote]

That is precisely the point. He has shown them that OW is more important than they are and you are. He has shown them that his word means very little. The kids do and have responded to what he has shown them. He should try standing beside himself a bit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I speak to them in a positive manner everytime I call, and my chance to show them positive love is coming in December. You are very fortunate to have the opportunity to do both now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actions and words need to line up, and they haven't here. They know he doesn't have their best interest at heart for S has voiced no desire to be around him and OW.

Now having said this, he does need to see them, what needs to be negotiated is the conditions under which this will take place. He cannot expect to come bouncing back into their life and have them feel happy about that. Being a parent is something that is earned, and not really a birthright.

Must go, sorry for butting in, but I do read your posts and hope that someday you will finally get to a point of happiness.

God Bless,

JL

Just wanted to say hi...I'm still in about the same shape...not much has changed...but XW has kids all the time...anyway, I'll be back sometime when I have a little more privacy. Hang in there! XW not happy, either...hmmmmm.

Mike!!!!!!!!!! HI!

Well you cheered me up immensely! I was just wondering how you were getting on the other day, and sorry to hear it isn't great. But I am so glad to hear you are still around. Welcome back! Try not to be such a stranger!

Thanks to all of you with your wonderful advice. Harold, you had me in stitches...I would LOVE to send it to him, with your comments added, but I am still trying to hold my head up, and getting into pissing matches with stbx is always a mistake. Thanks anyway...it made me smile just to think of his reaction! Oh, and you did point out some wonderful ironies in that letter...they passed me by in my anger!

Resilient...that secret thingy occurred to me too. I mean, unless someone else hijacked his work pc he did send me both letters....and the first one was way more like him than the second, which undoubtably had OW clicketty clacking all over it. I have decided not to answer the second one yet, but I did answer the first.

I did so after reading Trueheart's letter to WS's and someone there asked if they should send THAT to their WS, to which Trueheart replied that she had nothing to lose. So thinking this, I wrote back to my stbx:

Thanks for your honesty. If you really mean what you say below, you will know what to do.

No reply, but I didn't expect one, really.

All of you sound just as indignant about my stbx's second letter as I am. I am going to contact my lawyer tomorrow (she doesn't work Wednesdays) and ask again what I can do to stop contact with OW. I do NOT want to stop contact between my stbx and the kids, just her, as it is HER who is upsetting my kids. I will see what comes of it and let you all know.

Thanks for the kind words and moral support. You keep reminding me about the right path in this, and I sorely need that sometimes.

Love and light,

Jacky

Hi Jackie! I'm glad my 'letter' was able to get you to laugh - sometimes they act so STOOPIT you just have to ask yourself, "How can I find something funny in all this??" So I tried that. Of course, I didn't want it to sound bitter, but I see I succeeded in getting a good horse-laugh outta ya! I'm glad. I pray for you and your children that the Lord will work this mess out for you and that you will have peace as you continue the rest of this journey we call life.
Peace and may God bless, Harold

((((Jacky))))

I am so angry at what this man says. How can he say these things to you after he abandoned you all? It just shows how much control OW has over him.

You and your kids are in my prayers Jacky.

Thanks Harold,

Yes, you are right, finding the funnies in life is the best thing to do. Pollyanna played a similar game, finding the good in every bad situation. At least I KNOW that I am keeping the kids' best interests in mind AS WELL as their desires, and I feel comfortable with that.

Seahorse, thanks for the support...I was angry, too. I have spoken to a few friends about this and of course been given the advice here, and it has all pointed to the fact that he probably won't be able to force me to do anything.

My lawyer emailed back today, telling me she will mull over the problem over the weekend and come up with the best way to handle this....and I trust that she will because she is brilliant. She should be, she is costing me a fortune!

Thanks again,

Love and light,

Jacky