Faith,

Your husband playing the blame game is old stuff. Adam blamed the woman God sent him when he was caught in his sin.

My huband did the same thing, everything was my fault. There was no adultry, just a lot of other stuff. Things got really bad.

I take all the blame today not for my husband but because I believe it is what God wants me to do. We are to die to self and share in Christ's suffering. Christ did no wrong, yet He died a cruel death for our sins.

I have to work at my faith everyday. Some days are better than others. When I cry, I cry out to God. Sometimes it doesn't seem like he is going to come thru, but He always has.

Today after posting that post, I got a large phone bill due before my next check and a large gas bill due next month when the insurance on the house is due. I don't pay rent but, I pay taxes and insurance. I am thankful for this. Since I don't have many bills I don't make or keep a lot of money. I get a little scared at times. I got that way a little today. Then I reminded myself of all God has done for me and I said OK God I am giving this to you.

Try not to worry. That is how you show your trust is in the Lord.Don't worry about what your husband says. God knows. Don't try to make things happen, let go of them daily, hourly or whatever it takes. Put your hands in the air and say here it is God, you take it because I can't handle it. He tells us to cast All our burdens on Him.

Your husband will come around in Gods time not yours. You work on your relationship with the Lord and let him change you. God showed me that I had many things He needed to change in me. I didn't realize how many things I was wrong about until I started understanding His word.

If you want to talk, you can email me at
tpatter4@aol.com

Hang on, and have faith to walk on water.

gentle

^

Thanks Gentle - sorry I didn't see this post earlier. Yesterday, was a tough day, and this morning has turned out to be a rough day too. Thank you so much for your e-mail.

I know that I have to raise my arm (arms - ?) high and say to the Lord, please help us out. Please help my wayward spouse, please help me to be a better person, and to give all this to you. I am still trying to take control, and this is not what God wants.

I talked to a friend of mine today about anger. She pointed out to me that when Jesus got angry, he turned tables over, threw the people out and he was angry. He was angry at what the people did. Cause she and I talked about anger today. I have been reading the book 'Boundaries', and this is really a good book with a lot of good worth.

I still love my hsuband, but not who he is now. I am praying that he sees the light one day, of what he has done to this family, and the structure of a family unit. I don't like the going back and forth with words. I try not to criticize him. Like when I was talking several days ago. I said it out of anger. Cause I don't tell him much anymore. But I talked about his brother, and how his brother doesn't like his actions. I have been e-mailing his brother, his brother does love him, but does not like his actions, what he is doing to us, and to his mother. I know this hurt SNL, and I am sorry. That is why I am trying to not say anything to him that is critical or against him. His brother cares so much about him, and his mother. He is a good man, just like SNL. They both just lost their father, which he was not much of a father. But still this is their DNA. So they are both living with grief in each their own way.

I will e-mail you, soon. I am sorry I didn't see this thread earlier. Trying to get things done today, but the motivation is not there. Even to make dinner is not there. I am in a real slump, and I have asked God today, please give me some energy. I fear that I may be having heart palpitations too. I know we had some blood pressure kits. I looked for them. But can't seem to find them. SNL might have taken them. But I sure would like to have one now, and take my blood presssure regularly. I know that my stomach has been hurting a lot, and I can't seem to eat much without being sick. I am having symptoms of breathing shallow. But that is the way my system handles extreme stress. I got sick to my stomach, when SNL told me about his sexual affair, when my dad died, when our little kitten died. I have a sensitive personality, and a sensitive stomach.

I am a caregiver, and this man who I loved very much has done a lot of damage.

But will e-mail you later. Going to try to get something for us all to eat. Thanks Gentle.