I'm recently married and we are not happy..... I hate to say this but I feel like letting it go!

Help

Hi balozi,

Sorry you are frustrated in your marriage. What issues are occuring that are damping your hope.

I am recently married myself. George and I have been married for about three months. It has not been smooth sailing. There have been a couple of instances I almost moved back to my home country. One thing is that I am still focused on making my marriage work.

Maybe if you give more information I can assist. I do know how you feel.

Thanks for the reply...the story is long but ....here's a brief:

We fell madly in love 5 yrs ago and we knew we wanted to spend our lives together,. we courted for a year then she had to leave for studies abroad, she was away 2yrs 7 mnths, we decided to wait for eachother and we did.

Since she came back, she was a totaly different person, more assertie, wanting her own way, too preoccupied with life as oppossed to spending time with me and listening to ny opinion on things, she is not the same person i fell in love with. we got married a few months ago anyway and have been having bitter fights.

I think I made a big mistake and feel like I want out!...she terribly intimidates me and when she is angry...she flies off the handle, I don't feel respected, the sex? well, she does not enjoy it, so in as much as i want it.... I can't do it at her expense ,... so the sex part is not so good either.

I'm frustrated and confused and ...the sad thing is, I'm not sure I want it ti work anymore.

She doesn't like my family and I get so stressed and almost scared when she walks on me or decides to get angry.

What to do!!

Hi Balozi,

Have you tried to seek Marriage Counseling? It sounds like the two of you need communication skills. That is a key area George and I have had to work on. Plus if you feel scared of your wife than tell her that you feel she is being verbally abusive. Consider reading "Surviving Verbal Abuse". It really helped me in a previous relationship. Be honest with her about how you feel. I would also suggest that you both fill out the EN questionnaire. It will help both of you know where your key emotional needs are. Plus maybe purchase and read His Needs, Her Needs and The Five Love Languages.

George and I have a lot of work ahead of us in melting both of our lives together. It seems that both of you have known each other a long time but have not been around each other physically. That was George and I issue as well. I was back in the States and he was in England. It is hard to remember our nasty faults when having a relationship long distance. Odd but I am a firm believer that long distance relationships do not work. You never face day-to-day life with each other and then when you do it is hard to switch gears.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by balozi:
<strong>Thanks for the reply...the story is long but ....here's a brief:

We fell madly in love 5 yrs ago and we knew we wanted to spend our lives together,. we courted for a year then she had to leave for studies abroad, she was away 2yrs 7 mnths, we decided to wait for eachother and we did.

Since she came back, she was a totaly different person, more assertie, wanting her own way, too preoccupied with life as oppossed to spending time with me and listening to ny opinion on things, she is not the same person i fell in love with. we got married a few months ago anyway and have been having bitter fights.

I think I made a big mistake and feel like I want out!...she terribly intimidates me and when she is angry...she flies off the handle, I don't feel respected, the sex? well, she does not enjoy it, so in as much as i want it.... I can't do it at her expense ,... so the sex part is not so good either.

I'm frustrated and confused and ...the sad thing is, I'm not sure I want it ti work anymore.

She doesn't like my family and I get so stressed and almost scared when she walks on me or decides to get angry.

What to do!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Did you marry my EX??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

MoiNouvelle,

I feel your message and I appreciate your time.., and I have talked to my wife about it....she thinks I should stop overeacting to issues... I have calmly sat her down when my rights have been infringed upon and told her how I feel... we start off with a discussion but end up having a fight... I usually give in to these arguments as they usually escalate into ugly things... she talks badly when annoyed and can say anything.

Like I said I have reached a point where I do not wish for it to work and I want out.

I believe I\ we deserve better.

How come she is able to respect her superiors at work and cannot respect me at home?

I'm 28, I have a bright future, the only thing I need is someone to love me, honour me , encourage me and I inturn give all my life and love to that one woman.

I'd like to live a happy life, even if the challenges come to be able to have sensible arguments, and discuss things not argue about them.

You will agree with me that after you have given your all and it's still not enough..., it's time to move on.....it's my first marriage.. I never even thought I would one day write a message like this.

I knew the challenges would be there but not like this one....only last night...we had a mini fight and b4 we went to far , i decided to be quiet as her responses were getting more and more infuriating.

My feelings for her? just respect.... I feel like there is no more love left and I'm just getting by waiting for the day I have gathered guts to tell her ...IT'S OVER!!!

I don't even know where to start ... how does one get divorced.... do you have to sever all relationships with in-laws..?

I have to go but MoiNouvelle, if you have any other methods of sorting it out...please let me know....my wife would never come to a counselling session... we have read books before and now during our marriage...I have told her what I feel is right.... she promised to abide..but I guess it is so much a part of her to speak her mind that she finds it hard to put a leash on her lips!

It is hard to do this 6 months later... but I can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this...

I have loved my wife the best I know and have put up with alot..... this is hard but , i feel I have to do it.

I have been a mild asthmatic never had anything serious but I knew once or twice a year I'd see a doctor about it but the inthe last one year.... I have had to three or 4 times daily use a reliever and carry it around!!!!!!!! i never used to use those things...... I think my stress levels have risen.....

That's alot for now...please give me your thoughts when you can!

Im sorry to hear about your situation.....but I feel ya. My EX never respected me. I would suggest something, and she would do the opposite. She would talk nice and go out of her way for other friends and sometime just aquaintances, but when it came to me!....she would always make excuses why she couldnt do something. I also did the same thing you do......back down during arguments, they would escalate and she would say horrible things, which would infuriate me.

As far as the inlaws are concerned??? My EX inlaws still love me, and invite me over all the time. I think they are wonderful people, but I dont go over much because I have to respect the feelings of my fiance. I dont want her to feel Im trying to stay in that family or send of the wrong signals to my EX. Besides my EX has a bf now and Im sure he goes over. If you have a good relationship with your inlaws now, they are mature and will more than likely still respect and treat you the same if you happen to divorce their daughter. Good luck my friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Communication is your problem as a couple. University of Colorado has a research group that has come out with books and study materials about how to communicate effectively. You need to find a councilor that will show you the films and the study material for both of you to work through. I have been through the course and allot of the information you have posted is discussed in the course. She is minimizing your feeling, which then leads you to withdrawal. Communication is the number 1 reason for divorce. If both of you don't address this problem now, you will become divorced.