Court is over. He was ordered to only pay me the amount for May's rent. 2100. That's it. The opposition did the song, spin and dance about how everything he owns is in jeopardy of losing. Blah blah blah.

And the judge believed a man, who was wearing orange, a soon to be convicted felon, believed the word of man. He felt sorry for him. He said,
"well it seems your life has really changed since we last met Mr. Jethro". He did not find him in willful contempt and only in contempt. He did not sentence him to any more jail time. And said that we'd go into how we'd accomplish back payments of the amount owed me at trial this month.

I left in tears. I was crying. Some people patted me on the back. The fact he was in jail for breaking into my home came up and everybody knew. Everybody knew.

They saw the truth. And the tpo and ro wasn't heard because there is a no contact order now in place which is I guess the tpo. He is not to come in contact with me whatsoever. He is not to. And all pickups droppoffs of our son it to happen at son's school.

They actually brought up that I was prez of my state society and that I had this "incredible job" yada yada yada. Changed everything around and put me in a bad spot.

My attorney didn't bring in any of the new bank account bills for Jethro so the judge only awarded the back rent amount.

So here is where it stands now.

I am finished. I quit trying anymore. Sin has won. It's over.

I just emailed my attorneys and told them that I am finished. That I am not going to court this month again. That I am not going to court ever again period. That I can't take this pressure and pain. I've been abused by him for three years now. I willnot take any more.

I am really close to losing everything now. And I don't even know how I will come up with the money to move. Opposing council/Jethro offered to move me back into my old home here (my former dream home) until it sells to save money and not pay rent. I will do what I have to do to get by but for God's sake. The pain of moving into that home will kill me. I don't ever want to see it again.

I don't care about anything right now except for my son. I don't care. I am losing everything. I know it's only one ruling, but it was critical. He was arrested. He spent the night in jail. He almost looked dejected but then on the stand, the old "smooth talker" came right out when the judge asked him about his business/line of work, etc.

Jail did nothing to the man. I can pray that we get a conviction today so that will stand on the record. The judge kept on saying that we will have a several day trial and that he'dget to the bottom of his stuff. The judge also granted last minute to the opposition the ability to perform discovery on me. They had a year and they're waiting until now. To try to show that I have "thrown away money". And their client? Please. I work therefore I work. That's it.

I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. There is no peace for the betrayed as it seems.

Please pray that we get the money for june paid us by Jethro and the 2100 is paid fast to me. Please pray that I am well enough to be a good mom for one more day to my son and then I can collapse this weekend. Pray that somehow I can discern and make good decisions regarding our future. Pray that my son and I are protected and somehow we can start over in life.

He ruined everything. He has ruined my present and my past. And maybe six more years into my financial future. I know we still got a contempt ruled. Got convicted of that. But no restitution for me.

Please pray that I can get over this and move on. Please pray for us. I am literally at the end of my rope. And I have nobody to bail me out unlike Jethro who's business partner was going to bail him out today.

I don't think there is any justice for me any more. I am rambling I know, but I can't even think straight. My heart is beyond broken. I just hope for the future. That is all. I gave up today and that is ok. I am going to trust my lead attorney (the other one not present today) to do the negotiations on the settlement.

I can neither physically or emotionally go through with a trial. That's that. I told them flat out that I will not. No way. You cannot imagine this pain period. It is more than horrible.

My honest opinion about wayward spouses is this: when you are divorcing one, a wayward, they will screw you financially just like they are doing behind our backs. They are liars. Unless there is an earth shattering experience in their lives, they will remain the same and will do nothing but bring ruin and chaos into your life. You can say that "you won't let them" but it will happen. They will attempt to punish you for their sins. And I don't understand why at all. Not at all.

But just, if you find yourself divorcing one, get a good attorney and save every document, email and communication from the wayward. Set an acceptable time frame to fight the case if need be such as financial, custody, and don't exceed your limit. When you've had enough you will have enough. Hopefully your situation will end with a bit of positive resolve much earier than mine will. But alas, I am also divorcing a narcissist and a sociopath. And I was a stay at home mom two years ago.

It's been a hard road. I am going to try to sleep for an hour and a half. I am going to take a benadryl to get over this pain. Just to help me sleep a tiny bit. I fought well. It's just that my fight is over from my end. I have nothing left to fight with and I am not feeding my lawyers anymore money any more. I see the writing on the wall. Honestly I think the judge has not dealt with this knd of lies or deceit or income levels before and just is basing his rules on others he sees day in and day out.

Oh and let me tell you this one. A woman is sitting in the back of the courtroom. Maybe early 40's. slender with a tight shirt on and tight pants. A guy has his arm around her. She is called before the judge and the judge hears her story about her case. Final hearing on a divorce. She separated from her H in octboer of 02 and they have no kids. Quickie divorce. The H moved away to NCarolina. Boom it's over. What everyone in the courtroom couldn't help but notice was that they guy she was with, the one that had her arm around her and held hands with her as she walked out of the courtroom was her boyfriend. The one she had the affair with. The woman said to the judge when he asked about grounds, she said "irrevocable breakdown". He asked if any third parties were involved. She lied and said no.

They walked out of the courtroom smiling hand in hand. The waywards. They make me sick. Not the repentant ones, the ones that drive us to divorce and wreck homes. And nobody said anything to this woman about her being with her lover openly in court. Made me want to vomit.

Peach,

I know that you are suffering now. No, this is not justice. I don't know if you will ever get justice from the courts.

But...

You are young, you have a fine child, you have a good job and...

everybody who reads your story here can agree - that you are a fine woman - a person of character and conviction.

Your day will come. Maybe it won't be a day in court, but it will come.

The D will finish. You will adjust. Your career will continue to flourish. You will meet somebody who will treat you right. The sun will shine on you.

Don't despare just because one man has treated you so badly. He's just one man - out of the 2 1/2 billion on earth. Don't live for revenge. It's not worth it. Just LIVE.

-AD

(((((Peachy and Peach JR)))))

A couple of quick things, one I’m reminded of a saying I have on my wall here at work:

"I asked God to take away my pain. God said No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up."

“I asked God to spare me pain. God said No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.”

And next to I have the famous poem:

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the Low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord, "You promised me, Lord, That if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life There have only been one set of prints in the sand. Why, When I have needed you most, You have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints Is when I carried you."

I know it’s hard to see from where your sitting but in the end justice will be served. Whether it’s in this lifetime or the next, it will be served. I’ve been through the struggles, as you have, and as you have seen there is another side. I pray you cling to His breast and seek shelter under His wing until this storm passes as it surely will.

Much Love – Hugs, Thoughts, & PRAYERS

{{{{{peachy}}}}}

I'm so sorry to hear the pain you experienced in court today. I'm sure if I were in your place, I'd feel like no one cared about me. But you are doing a great job protecting your son and keeping everything together. I admire your strength through this all. Do take care of yourself too.

HoFS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

First of all, I am sorry to hear about the continued difficulties. I know how you feel, it doesnt seem fair and often feels like there is no justice in the courts. One of the worst parts is that those of us who follow the rules and take the courts serious are the ones that suffer from judges that let things slip and never inforce the boundries/rules. And talk about slow! I have never been through a more frustrating process.

Regardless, please dont make a rash decision about continuing your fight for what is right. I know your hurt right now and feel alone and frustrated but realize that is just what he is counting on. I forget the passage right now, but the bible (paraphrased) tells us to stand up to evil until we cant stand any more and then continue to stand.

Now I realize that this is your fight and your life and I am not trying to convince you to do one thing or another but take some time with your decision and dont do it just out of the hurt and haste of the moment(not that you have, just offering insight). Take an honest look at what you have to gain by going forward and weigh it against the further pain etc. If it is close to the end of the process maybe the time you would have to devote in order to possibly get the outcome you want would be worth the risk. It may depend on what kind of settlement the other side is willing to put forth.

The other thing I had to weigh was frankly standing up for what was right so that no one else (to the best of my ability) was ever put in a similar situation as I and my family were. This may or may not be a consideration in your situation.

You seem to have a lot of evidence/proof and reason to stand up for yourself and son. You are stronger than you could ever believe with God on your side. Pray for guidence, wisdom and his strength to help you through. He will take the pain and stress if you give it to him and let go of it.

On a lighter note, I hadnt seen that you actually got a job. If so, congratulations!

Also, you say that you are on the verge of loosing everything. I am not sure what that means, but anything can be overcome.

My heart really goes out to you. I have felt the hurt you are experiencing and if you can understand, I feel your hurt in a way as I read your messages and am reminded of the times I went through similar struggles with my situation. Anyone who has been there can relate Im sure.

You will be in my prayers p. I would also like to offer assistance - I think I may be able to help. I dont want to publish my email since I log on from work, but if you provide a way to contact you, even if through another MBer I can explain further.

Regards

John

Many hugs peachy,,,

I am so sorry you and your son have had to endure so much pain and heartache, please know that you are in my prayers.

I am going to get my son from school. The lawyers contacted me and are "sorry". I cant do anything about my pain now. It's far too much to bear.

And I am on th brink of losing everything financially. I am living in a leased home. The outlaws are living in my home in TN. Nobody's fought for me to move home.

Thanks everybody. And if you want to email me, contact orchid here and she will email you my address.

Or Bill,lost husband. And I thank you so much for your prayers. I just feel all is lost.

And I know the whole story. Put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground and after having done everything to stand.

I don't think I am standing right now. I don't. And I have all the faith in the world. But I've had my trial by fire and I am done. I am putting my energies in the next weeks to immediately getting a good job. I have to. That's the only way to continue to stand.

I don't know how I am going to do this now. I am more than down. More than down. And I am by nature an encourager. Please pray for us. And thanks for your poems, prayers, and verses. I read them and take them to heart. With no family around to give a hug or anything, this is about the closest to a family I have now. God bless you.

((((((((( Peachy )))))))))

You may feel that Jethro has won this battle, but you already won the war long ago.

No matter what happens, you've always tried your best, and we know you will continue to do so.

Take a break for yourself. Refocus on YOU for a while. A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and some blaring "Linkin Park", would be just the ticket for you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And putting more energy into moving sounds like a good idea. A fresh start would serve you and your son well.

I'm thinking of you, and sending some of my energy and confidence and prayers your way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Dear Peachy,

So sorry to hear of your continued troubles. I also feel the court system is a joke. Oh well....

We tried...and in our hearts we know that we have done our best....and that is all anyone can do.

It will get better--just getting out of that turmoil will be good for you and your child. Life will pick up, I truely believe it. I know it sounds clicheish--but we really have to trust in God, that HE knows what we are going through--and he has a plan for us.

You will be in my prayers....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Pat

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NotPeachy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so sorry this had to end this way. You are a precious soul in God's sight and your dear son as well. I applaud your fortitude and honesty as well as steadfastness in your fight.
I'm continuing to pray you will find a good job, and a new life elsewhere.
May the Lord bless you, is my Prayer.
PS - One last thing. Don't just write it off until you carefully weigh all your options.
You said he has ruined you financially.
Fine. However, he (or in your case - SHE) who laughs last laughs best.
YOU NEED TO FILE TOTAL BANKRUPTCY and leave town!
There is absolutely NOTHING - not a blessed thing - that the Divorce Decree or Divorce Court can do against it!! I know - I did it. My ex cleaned me out totally. I lost nearly everything in my Divorce, the judge just laughed at how she didn't let me have a few hundred dollars worth of my clothes and a few old hand tools.
I filed Chapter 13. The ex-wife tried her darndest to make me pay anyway. I told the Judge I had filed Chapter 13. She took a look at the paper and said: "Case closed. I have no jurisdiction over a FEDERAL Court." Dismissed.
Really give this some thought, Peachy. It will hurt your credit, but then again, hasn't ole boy JB screwed it up anyway? So, you have nothing to lose.
Just My Opinion.
Harold

{{{{peachy}}}}

DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! I know there has been times the last three years I wanted to give up and just say it isn't worth it, but THINK OF WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR SON AND YOU!

I am still fighting for what my kids deserve. Yeah, I gave in on so many issues just to have the divorce final, but I stood my ground for my kids' sake. Yes, I've had pity parties, I've wanted to just up and walk away, but I couldn't. Neither can you! You are not the type of person that will let that monster win. If you give up, that is what happened. Take a breather, just enjoy the time with your son, read a book, drink some good tea or coffee, just sit back and let life swirl around you for a time. It is amazing how one can find focus by letting go.

I've sat and wondered how I was going to make the house or car payment numerous times. I'm sure most of us on this board have been in the same situation. The good news is... most of us seem to figure out what needs to be done and somehow the bills get paid. We do move on and learn to live free from the constant harassment of a stbx who has decided that his entire goal in life is to make us miserable.

You are a wonderful WOMAN, a wonderful MOTHER, your life will come around for you. Jethro is flotsam on the scum ponds of life. Once he waterlogs and sinks, the bottom feeders will eat him. You will still be YOU, you will have your life ahead of you, your son who will always know who was there for him, you will have the knowledge that you did everything you could to first save your marriage, then divorce when that wasn't in the cards.

The courts are not about justice. The divorce courts least of all. Divorce is about money, how to split up two lives and the war that comes from that. The only ones who make out in a divorce are the attorneys. Yes, you and I need a divorce to be safe, but as long as stbx's had money, they could prolong as long as they wanted.

DO NOT GIVE UP!!!! geez, at least your attorney's apologized to you. Jethro has caused all this anguish and you really haven't even been through court and the actual real issues. In the real issues he will lose, in many ways he already has. Get a good night's sleep and see how things are in the morning.

{{{peachy}}} my thoughts are with you!

lori

hey Peachy,

You did good, don't go tossing in the towel.

when you go to court the judge is sort of continuing isn't he?

I thought you said later they will figure out what will happen about payment with the trial is where that will happen!

He probably was being nice to Jethro because he was being nice to the judge, he was probably told to really watch his behaviour and he kept his cool.

I imagine the judge read everything and needs to reread it some more for other decisions..

and them wanting information for you for discovery is mostly because they just asked for it Jethro and his lawyer and it is the only way to figure out what it costs you to live etc.

they will want all papers and besides
you have to make out a list on what

car payment
house payment
electic
gas
gas maintnance for car etc,
insurance on house
groceries

things like that so he knows what it cost you to live on, also the other thing is that you need
receipts for things that Jethro didn't have.
taxes etc for the house that your name is on
anything with your name on it..

also the thing is you income tax I imagine
and you do have to produce them if the court ordered them or you will be held in contempt all
though that seems to be a joke..

but don't think because jethro seems to got off
easy he has not, when the judge gets through at the hearing or trial that is when he will come to a settlement for everything.

I thought that was a hearing about your son on wed not any other things just about custody etc..

other stuff gets worked out soon unless you already did the assets one reason Jethro wants you to move is so he doesn't have to continue making payments on that place..the judge will let you know how things will be.

did he the judge tell you that you have to move?
I think that he will continue to bother you.
when he does do something about it he has no reason now to come there.

take care and I am gonna be watching and just keep praying and let God work it out, there isn't anything you can do any way..

except vote this judge out when voting time comes.
God bless you..I am rambling I am upset cause I KNOW how I Felt before the final court date..
Keep on Keeping on... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

peachy,
I hope you have some idea of just how amazingly wonderful of a woman you are!!! Look at how you have taken care of yourself and your child when you were thrown out practically in the street. You have managed to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table and maintain at a very difficult and important job.
And all of this... yes and especially, when just 2 years ago you were a stay at home mom. You are no less than amazing and I mean this sincerely that Jethro is not good enough for you. I know you are down and that you probably don't feel like the most amazing woman in the world today but you are!
I know you'll keep hanging in there and you'll do what you have to do for your family. You, Peachy, are a fighter, a survivor and while this is a hell of a situation that you were thrown into you have risen above this creep.
I can't believe he snagged a girl like you the first time. Maybe on some level he KNOWS you are way tooooo goooood for HIM!!! He probably does and that's why he keeps trying to tear you down. To prove he's not the most stupid idiot that walks the face of the earth and lost you!!!!!

{{{Peachy}}}
May God Bless you and your family!
I am scheduled to go to court tomorrow on custody, and expected to hear a wonderful story of your day. But it didn't go as expected.

Have you read the book "Who moved My Cheese"? Its a short read, the real takeaway:
1. Change Happens - they keep moving the cheese
2. Anticipate Change - get ready for the cheese to move
3. Monitor Change - know when things begin to smell bad
4. Adapt to Change quickly - find your new cheese
5. Change - move with the cheese
6. Enjoy Change - a new adventure
7. Be ready to Change Quickly and Enjoy it again & Again.

Your life with Jethro is over. My friends and I discuss this alot. We are all happier with our children as family, than we were with the H's. New adventures await. While they might seem difficult at first, imagine the possibilities. HAve a vision for your life. Set some goals. Not the ones you changed to have a life with J, but the goals you've always wanted in your life.

OK, you can start all these after you've had the weekend pity party, and rejuvenation. You deserve some time away from this stuff.

God has many great things in store for you, I know it!

peachy--praying for you and son. not much to add-everyone has allready given great advice.

you have your life and your son. you may lose material things--let them go. ive been there, and was so much happier when i got out with a 15 month old and 26.00 in my pocket. i was free, free to live MY life. was it tough, yes. there were times we lived on cereal and macaroni--plain, no suace. a good month was eating chicken legs once a week. the main thing was i was happy--inside!

in the end of all this, the best revenge is allways--live well! that drives them nuts!!

have you e-mail my brother in law yet?

Thanks guys and gals.

I am at clinic now.

Had sleepless night pretty much. Bad dreams. Woke w/ horrible feeling of dread today. My landlord called today to prod at me some more. He's already filed papers for eviction although he claims he will stop it. He knows of the situation still is bloodless despite being "nice and calling attorney about it".

Today's the fifth and we are supposed to be paid for June before the seventh. PRay that orange man, Jethro will cough up the money and pay us.

I am trying to decide what to do. I am adamant about not going before judge and settling though. I can't take or deal with it anymore. I will take what I can get and secretly after this crap is over start a fund for new legal defense should I get chance to move somewhere else.

This is an absolute nightmare. More than horrible.

I am going to job hunt like mad and then talk to my office manager here in about two weeks if no avail. Something has to change in the interim. John, Topie, LH Bill, HFS, Momma8,bangarra, notebook Harold, reneeK,sad eyes, newly and nikko...God bless you all.

This has been absolutely horrible. It's coming at me from all sides....1)financial doom 2)worries over job and needing more money 3)where to live 4)settlement vs. trial. In on all sides at me.

Newly thanks for sending me a friend who understands my way. She is soooo sweet! I don't even know how I will make it this week. I've decided that I will eat lots of tuna (probably lose alot of weight on the divorce/financial ruin diet)and exercise and go to pool until I am thrown out..Just joking. Hopefully a friend of mine, doc, said he will spot me a grand to get me through this although I do not accept anything from anybody. He's just a good buddy and I am actually thinking of taking him up on offer.

I am frightened to death. Jethro is supposed to pay us by the seventh. Pay the June amount. And by next friday, 13th (oh my god friday the 13th) he's supposed to pay me the back amount for May. Everything's going to rent. At least have car back and no payment's due for almost two months now.

I will not give up financially yet. I am contacting credit consolidators and will try to get interest reduced on all accounts. He left me with 40k of cc bills he used. Two years ago we both had perfect credit and look at what he's done to me.

I am going to enroll to get creditors off of back and then pray like mad hoping a decent enough settlement comes through.

I refuse to go to court. My job is mad b/c I've spent so many days there fuitlessly already so I will not go. Called attorneys again and made my wishes clear to settle with best possible outcome and even told them to call Jethro's attorney to tell them that he can have son all day on father's day with overnight visit. I am better than he is. I am a better person than that. I am not rolling over and playing dead. I am going to cut my losses at this point b/c it is fruitless. Just heard from HFS. God bless you too buddy!

Attorneys just called me. Lead attorney (high dollar guy) wasn't there yesterday and so he's going to do the settlement thing if the opposition will agree to it. Hey if JEthro proports himself to be a broke man, then he CAN'T POSSIBLY PAY FOR A TRIAL then can he? that's what my attorneys said.

I am sickened at what has become of my family. However, after praying and wondering what would Jesus do, I got my answer. WWJD. That usually answers my questions. I had attorneys call and tell JEthro that I am allowing son to go for an overnight visitation on Father's day. I am better than this. Jesus would show love and kindness in even the face of Satan. He would love those who persecuted him. I am not going to let hatred and lies rule my future.

Linkin part has a song that the chorus goes something like this "I took what I hated and made it a part of me...never goes away...and now you've become a part of me. You'll always be right here. You've become a part of me--you'll always be my fear. I can't separate myself from what I've done; You;ve become a part of me--I let myself become you."

So I am letting God deal with it and I will treat him like I treat any other person. Decently however, with great distance. I am not giving in. I think that dislike of the person Jethro has become has ruled my life for the last year. I have so much hated what he did that it ruled me. I thus today let go and let God. I had to do that for the marriage. Let go. I will do this and pray like mad for wisdom for attorneys right now.

I've let go of everything. Everything. However, I am still going to be the best mom I can be. He can't take that from me and no judge would, not even one who suddenly after ruling in my favor three times and taking the side of Jethro, a felon, would take my son from me. That's just a stupid fear that I will not feed. I will search still for a better job. I will do what it takes to survive. So I won't be the little princess I used to be. So what. I will be happy.

What a wise person once told me was Jesus was judged by the pharisees and was found guilty. See, courts of law have found holy persons guilty throughout history. Peaceful holy people. I am determined there will be no 3 ring circus. No selling popcorn in the lobby of the courthouse. No more gasps from the courtroom at another betrayal. Nothing more. I call it quits. No more having a judge almost look forward to a costly trial because he almost looked like he wanted good entertainment.

Keep praying. I am trying. I am trying to just keep up with life. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Peachy, I can sense how desperate you must feel. I have been there. My children were only 2 and 4 when their dad left us.

While he did not engage in behaviour as egregious as that of jethro, I was totally devastated. I don't believe I got a decent settlement. I'm not sure there is such a thing as a decent settlement for the most injured party in a divorce.

May I make a suggestion or two? What would happen if you ordered all the real estate sold and assets divided 60-40% You get the 60 to offset his higher earnings potential. I say that because it sounds like he would be pleased for you to acknowledge his seeming success.

Also, in custody matters, it is included in my decree that the children's organized activities take precedence over parent's plans. I can't reschedule other children's birthday parties just because I want or x wants child that day. But the parent who has the child on that day must see that child gets to attend. Summer camp takes priority over parents vacation plans because a parent can find another time easier than an organization can rearrange a schedule to suit one child. (This means we have had to be grown up and be flexible.) Neither parent can keep child out of town overnight without informing other parent. This was put in after x took children out of state during separation and didn't inform me.

Now, Peachy, if you don't deserve to be depressed, no one does. Are you on anything for it? Are you seeing anyone (counselor) to help you deal with this? I know how valuable that can be.

And are you sure Mr. Bigbucks lawyer is really doing what he is paid to do? Is he earning that money or cleaning you out? Do you need to consider changing lawyers?

peach,
Jethro makes my stbx look like a choir boy in comparison. Although my circumstances are completely different, I have seen similar financial difficulties to what you describe.

Are you making payments on the credit card debt? I was stretched so thin I thought I'd pop at any moment, but amazingly I skated on thin ice for about three years before defaulting. From there I lived in default on the credit card debt for well, I suppose it depends on how you count. It was a good long while. I filed bankruptcy last year. At the time I thought it was the most horrible thing in the world to not pay my bills. Then I realized in the bigger picture, money was too high on my list of priorities. Getting disentangled from a dysfunctional marriage and emotionally abusive man was truly more important. My day to day activities continued, but somehow the refocusing got my stress into a more manageable range. You've been stuck in this bad place for too long. My world didn't collapse as I feared it would when the finances bottomed out. If you think more details of my financial demise might be helpful to you in some way, just say the word. I'm on thin ice to this day and still skating.

Peach - sorry to hear. Divorce is not about couples, it is about money. Which lawyer is going to get the most money. My x-husband did the same, procrastinated, and my lawyer told me that I would get some of that back, heck no.

You did your best to have save your marriage. The wayward spouse is out for themselves, and nobody else. When I was in court about 2 months ago, there was a couple there that was the wayward spouse and his new soulmate. It made me sick, and I bet SNL didn't even notice.

Having all these bills, maybe bankruptcy is the best thing for you. I am not sure. But your son is the one thing that needs to be priority of your list. Your husband is your sons father, but it doesn't mean he is sane. Letting your son see dad for fathers day, would be a nice gesture.

We betrayed spouses, and divorce is so wrong. Our family is torn, and I think SNL is seeing how this divorce has torn our kids apart. SNL expressed to me how our oldest son is acting. And I have seen this for months and months. I would express to SNL, but he would just throw it off. Well, I told him today, that this son, he is the one that read SNL's sexual e-mails, cause SNL sent it to our sons printer. Our son, had to deal with a father, that yelled at him and his siblings, and he called them FUC*ing kids. Maybe SNL has seen the destruction of his affair.

I wish that I could give you a hug. This is horrible, and you need to work on your self honey. You are a strong woman, just down right now. The justice system is not for justice. I know, and I hate lawyers now. Anyone who wants to become a lawyer, just irritates me. But there are good lawyers, but then you have to look at the judges. There is no justice for the wayward spouse. They can lie, cheat, protray themselves to be reasonable people, but inside they are liars.

Jethro made a pretty picture. Yeah, when they said oh I will always take care of my wife. Sure, I am finding that as a lie too. SNL is not going to take care of me. Made it clear. And still is making it clear. He doesn't pay me anything for the other 3 kids living here. I told the kids today, that we are officially divorced, as of tomorrow. And now I have to wait for my check to come in. Which can take awhile to process. I am not going to buy any more groceries. And then they will have to ask dad for groceries.

I did have an interview for a job. But once again I am high risk. So they denied the job to me. Plus my doctor ordered me to not work for 3 more months, because of the surgery on my right shoulder. I still spasm quite a bit, and SNL can do whatever he wants, and doesn't have to sit with pain every day. I was taking care of an elderly woman, and that ended. Her daughter and her soninlaw moved in while their house is getting finished. So I lost that income. And then I have a shutoff for gas and electric. So guess that is part of the betrayed spouses problem, the wayward spouse just goes on and lives their life like normal.

SNL buys organic eggs and things in his refrigerator. Well, my kids are going to see how it is when there is nothing to buy food with.

Peachy - I really don't know what else to say. When it gets tough, it is hard to put this all in the Lord. I will pray for you, and put an order in at my church for you. I wish there was some justice for us betrayed spouses. Hugs to you.

May God bless all those who go through these difficult times, which are exacerbated by the financial issues.

Peachy, just keep hanging on. And don't be afraid to ask for help, or accept money from friends. God may have brought these people to you, and yet you are not willing to accept what is offered.

Also, talk to son's school about finances. They may be able to help out too.

Yes peachy, Jethro takes the prize here. But you win, by being a great mom and a good person. Remember that.