I relied on the Marriage Builders support e-mail group throughout my divorce, and this forum truly was a Gods' send. As we all know it is or can be one of the most difficult times we can go through.
Well to get to my point....My ex husband and I actually tried reconciliation, He showed me how sorry and remorseful he is, and told me that he would wait for me for "however long it takes", he would ALWAYS be there for me.
He wanted to marry me right after the divorce was final and I thought that we better work out the issues and I still had healing to do before we embarked on a new marriage.
Well, looks like he lied. After letting him back into my life, totally and completely forgiving him, seeing my future with him, etc. He told me that he doesn't think he can give me what I want.

All I can say is that I thought I would never recover from the initial shock of his affair and subsequent divorce, now I wonder if I will survive this. I have begun couseling.

I feel like such a failure. My marriage failed and so did the reconciliation. He has already begun to date............For me, I still love him and am actually paralyzed and losing hope in my future. I know it is my mind set, but all I can think is that he is looking for someone better than me.

How do I go on? When I still love him?

((((((((Rejected)))))))))

I joined MB about a month after you did and remember your name but not your story. I'm so sorry to hear about your unsuccessful attempt at reconciliation. It's been the hardest thing in my life to move on, so I can really empathize with your situation and feel grateful that my WH refused to come back when I gave him the ultimatum to get sober and get rid of the MOW or it was really over between us.

You say your H lied to you. Then, he's a LIAR and I'm assuming he had an A also. This is a man of questionable moral character. Please don't blame yourself and tell yourself he's, "looking for someone better." Maybe he's looking for someone more like himself, which definitely is not "better."

I'm glad you're back here and getting counselling. The support helps.

Thank you for your response and even remembering me. I think after all is said and done, I never lost the love and belief I always had for this man. SO, when he came back into my life, telling me he would wait until I worked through my healing, telling me that we could make the new marriage even stronger, etc......He gave me such hope in our future.

I started to feel like I was "just the right thing", and that by coming back to me, he redeemed himself in others eyes, ie, his friends and colleagues, and to himself. So in a sense I feel quite used. I wasn't naive, but did believe him and his sincerity. This time around is considerable difficult. Funny thing is, I had just finished visiting my doctor and was filling my percription (to help me through this, if you know what I mean), and I kid you not. I am driving out of the parking lot and guess who passes me..............HIM! He just sort of looked at me then looked down and sort of waived!!!!! I can't believe that is all I got, but maybe that is all he can give. AMAZING!

Rejected
My heart goes out to you. You obviously still care for this man. Your feelings for him are opening you up to be hurt, essentially your feelings are rendering you defenseless against him. Telling you to forget and move on would be easy to say and hard to do. I know, I've been there and done that. It would piss me off so much when people told me to just forget him and be happy. Well, it's not that easy, is it.
Although I did not get back together with my ex, I realized I still had feelings for him despite his affair and this was very painful. You start doubting yourself. My divorce became final 2 months ago and I am barely getting back on my feet. The things that helped me were to keep as busy as possible so I wouldn't have the time or energy to think about him and her, staying around friends and family a lot and avoiding things that were special for my ex and myself as a couple. The sad part of my situation that made things worse was that the other woman was a friend of mine.
So be strong and don't forget this too shall pass but it will take time.

Thanks ruby1, especially since this pain is so fresh for you. I too hate when people say "move on", even my ex-husband told me that. Like we had one coversation about where we were headed and he said, I can't give you what you want-end of story.
When you open yourself up to someone else and that person gives you hope and makes promises, it really messes you up when they drop their end of the bargain.
With my ex-husband, he was so desparate to get me back into his life when he saw me moving on (albiet my heart still belonged to him), I let him in completely but knew not to get married right away like he get pushing for. We had things to work out. He said he'd wait-but I believe he was looking for someone else and I was the crutch to help him get back on his feet again.

I am left quite a mess, but do know that this too shall pass. Frankly I have been hurting for three years now and enough is enough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />