My wife and I are in the final stages of our divorce. We actually would have been done last week, but couldn't agree on the settlement.

I still don't want the divorce, but cannot let things go on forever as they are. There is still a feeling that I could do more and a great fear of what the future holds. But I am tired after three years and need some closure.

What I want to know is how many of you set boundries after a divorce? (or possibly just some advice). I am guilty of remaining far too close with my wife through all of this separation. I've always said it was because of the kids. But the truth is, she still is my best friend. We talk several times a day over the phone. We will going to talk more about the settlement in the next few days. I believe she thinks that things will remain realitively the same after the divorce as far as our relationship. I want to not only create some distance, but let her know that I will not back her reason for our splitting as far as the kids go. They are old enough (12 and 17) to know the difference.

What kind of boundries should I set here?

Looks like you have them ---

Things are not going on as usual, and you are not keeping the family 'secret'.

Be sure to let her know that you are going to stop the phone calls, and you might want to start that process NOW.

Did you ever do a Plan B?

It sounds like she never really MISSED you.

Hope it works out for you.

Jan

Always Hopeful

I am married to H #2. My first H cheated on me after we were married for ten years (together for 14). We have remained friends. We have been divorced for 9 years. He is remarried, living 1200 miles away, we email and occasionally IM. My H is aware and I have told him if it bothers him, I will stop.

I have decided to stop contact by myself. I have realized ALOT of my imsecurities come from still being in contact with him and remembering what he did.

I would recommend, as per my own experience, to let her go. I know how you feel, but you will not be able to get on with your life until you do. She is enjoying the attention, believe me. Talk with her about the kids when you have to, but it sounds like since she is the one wanting to "divorce:" you, give her what she wants.

Good luck, and I know it hurts
Sunshine

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sj *trouble*:
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Did you ever do a Plan B?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes. I failed miserably at my Plan B attempt over two years ago. I found that our daughters lives needed too much contact between my wife and I to make Plan B feasible enough to be effective.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sj *trouble*:
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Be sure to let her know that you are going to stop the phone calls, and you might want to start that process NOW.


</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's easier said then done due to the reason above.