G'day.<p>My other half and I have been together 8 years now. When we met I was 17, she was 48. Now I'm 25 and she's 55. Over this time I have made the mistake, twice, of chatting up others on the 'net.<p>We have now lost the physical side of our relationship, which for me was one of the larger needs in the relationship.<p>We have sought counselling and have decided for the time being to go back to being close friends, and this is going very well.<p>I now have a new conflict. I have met one of her sister's kids and get on with her very well - as we share many interests. (My other half and I have very few shared interests - she is a gardener, archaeologist, environmentalist; I am a computer and Internet, music person.) I could envisage all of us living happily together, but that is a dream, and may not be practical. I don't want to be selfish and hurt people.<p>There is alot of good information on this site but they don't seem to have covered radical age difference. Guess I should mention that my new interest is 17, I'm still 25. Is this again a problem?<p>I still love my other half, but am conscious that her health is failing and her needs are changing. Yesterday when we decided to be just friends was one of the best days we have had together in the last 6 months.<p>Any recommendations?

Ever heard of statutory rape, kiddo? It would apply to your relationship 17 year old should you decide to consumate. Besides, aren't you an ADULT??? What in the h*ll are you thinking by getting involved with a child? If it were MY daughter, I would move just to get her away from you. Leave the 17 year old alone. She has many fun and formative years ahead of her. Maybe college. A 17 year old has NOTHING in common with a 25 year old man. Oh sure, you'd be a cool topic to discuss with all her little girlfriends, being an "older man" and all. But you are MILES apart in maturity, trust me. 17 year old girls ACT like adults to catch the eye of the older men but in reality they are still little girls. It's a game with them. A status thing to "get" an older guy. PLUS YOU DO NOT DATE WITHIN THE SAME GENE POOL!!!!!!<p>My suggestion on your current relationship is to be honest with your SO. If you feel you've grown apart, tell her that. It happens that way sometimes. Don't complicate things by moving on to her niece. Finish one chapter before you start another. Maybe by then, the niece will be far far far away from a potential pedophile.

MCCM, did I miss something? Did you mention whether you two are married? Listen, first and foremost, you made a commitment to this woman and even if you were closer to her age, you would still have the responsibility to help her in her aging process and vice versa.
Your idea of a relationship with her 17 yo niece isn't entirely your fault, however you are now an adult and should be capable of making intelligent decisions. Take into account, you were "abused" by your SO at this age as well.
If you are not married to this woman and you've both agreed on "just being friends", then move on, and move away from a potential hazard. Depending on your state, you could go to prison for less, so don't play with fire.
You need some healing time. Where was your mother, in your growing up years? Are you still in contact with her? How's your relationship?
How did you meet your SO? Does she have children?<p>[ October 28, 2001: Message edited by: psychlynn ]</p>

G'day again [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Those were two very spirited replies.<p>To briefly address Kelski: All the neice and I have ever done is play computer games and watch TV. (for about 3 days) You might be surprised but I have never actually considered her as a physical object of desire - I was merely struck by meeting someone who had many similar intersts to myself - something that is not so much the case with my other half. Please also note I live in a small town of 3000 people, so meeting someone like with similar interests to myself, and female too, is comparatively rare. In this case I am also probably being very one-sided. I have no idea if this girl has any desire to be around me whatsoever - and comes from a major city! So the idea of statutory rape is a bit harsh.<p>Psychlynn - you are correct. I never mentioned if we were married. In hindsight I should have made that clear before posting, but as it was a 'testing the waters' post I didn't give it much thought. To answer your question, no we are not married. We never decided to because of the age difference. We are however classed as de-facto on legal documents and in our own mindss.<p>I am sorry, I don't know what SO means? Other half? My Mother left me when I was 2, well not me personally but my father anyway - so I guess you are drawing similarities in that to my current relationship. And you are probably right to do so - for you could almost consider my other half to be my mother too - or perhaps you could once. That could be part of the reason for considering change - the same reasons that someone would fly the nest so to speak. I never considered her to be my mother, but in caring for me in those earlier years, there could be some comparisons.<p>Anyway we are still happy together. (Side note - funny being in the outback - a goanna just ran past my feet while I'm writing this!) It is possible that following Harley's recommendations about being eachother's best friends, (me ant my Other half) I will be more immune to any of these distractions. Since reading it and following up on it we have grown closer together. Friends can be dangerous it seems.<p>PsychLynn - would you say most large age difference relationships are because of early life experiences?<p>Thanks [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mike

Yes, Mike, I would say that our life choices are shaped by our past experiences. However, as adults, most of us can choose to do the right things without hurting anyone in the process.
I believe she did take the place of your mother, at least for a time, while you were young(er). Now it seems your commitment is fading due to her age and her health.
SO means significant other.
BTW, who says you must move right into another relationship right after you finish this one? Give yourself some time to reflect. Read, pray and do some things you wouldn't normally do, legal things. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
Keep us posted and be good. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]