I had a hearing set for this friday, but I just found out that filing the final decree at the courthouse today is all that's necessary. I am now divorced! I don't even have to appear before the judge! It's done! I've been separated for two years now, with a downward spiral before it of about four years. Guess I should've picked slowpoke for my user name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My ex would stonewall any of my suggestions or ideas. Still, I had hoped for an amicable divorce. I gave up in October. I hired an atty and had papers served. Two months of silence followed. Then out of the blue, he called and was willing to talk about a settlement. We reached a verbal agreement. It's nothing short of a miracle to get cooperation from him.

For two weeks, I've been sitting on a tack, wondering when the sleeping dragon would come out roaring. Yesterday, the papers were ready, and stbx was willing to sign! He signed. The papers were filed. And now I'm divorced without even making a personal appearance at the courthouse. I don't know why after all this time he decided to cooperate, and I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I don't post much here anymore, but my ex is the one who lived without a refrigerator for 16 months for no sane reason that I can see. There were two of them here at the house, and I offered him his choice of the two several times during those 16 months. He'd stonewall even when I was trying to be nice! You can imagine how surprised I was to get cooperation at this stage. I've always believed in miracles. Guess it was finally my turn to get one of my own. Things could've gotten complicated and drawn out. I feel nothing but relief right now. I feel indifference toward my ex at this point. If I had been a little smarter a lot sooner, maybe there would've been some more things I could have tried. I'm leaving this marriage without any hatred. As a general rule, I don't see divorce as something to celebrate, but dang it all, right now I'm sooo relieved to bring in the new year with my marriage brought to a close. Thought I'd pop in and give my update. Happy new year!

Good for you!

Sometimes moving forward, can be a wonderful thing.

I know you will have a Happy New Year!


Aly

Lonesome---glad you weathered the worst of it and glad things are over for you. I understand there is no cause to celebrate divorce but you can celebrate the future you have that you can make better. It is a relief not to have to have someone hurting you all the time. Life is so easy when you can live it with serenity so I am glad for that for you.

I hope you receieved your fair share and I wish you a very happy new year

TW

Congratulations.
On to your new life, bigger & better!
2004 will be amazing for many of us.

Thank you newly, tossedwave and aly! I worked so hard to get this divorce to happen. It kinda feels anticlimactic. I had so much uncertainty about my living situation, wondering if I'd be forced to sell the house, things like that. For now, I can stay where I am.

Now, the big uncertainty is increasing my income so that I can afford to live here without having to borrow from my family all the time. That's a pretty tall order, but doable, I *think.* Probably depends on how successful I am in making productive use of my time. I've spent so much time on message boards to get through all this! Perhaps it's time to leave that behind too. I believe it's not enough to get out of one bad relationship. I believe there's a lesson to learn from every person we encounter, and for me that includes my ex. I believe it's of paramount importance to learn the lesson before us, or be doomed to repeat until we're worthy to graduate.

I hope to God I've learned what I need to learn. I can see where I've made mistakes and vow to do better next time. I developed a relationship with God during the demise of my marriage, and I am very grateful to have been 'found'. Back then, there were some awesome ladies in the bible study group here. They coaxed me into action without being judgemental or bossy. Don't know how they did it, but they did. Maybe they were bossy. I don't remember! Maybe it was a matter of me finally reaching the point where I was ready to act. Whatever the case, it was just what I needed at the time. I found my way to a counselor as a result of participating in MB. I am grateful for that too. Finally, I recognized that my marriage was verbally and emotionally abusive, and MB couldn't save my husband or my marriage. I found the support I needed elsewhere, but I will always have a tender place in my heart for MB.

I am grateful for MB and its principles. My original family didn't really show me the tools that are necessary for a healthy relationship, and if I ever get a new chance, I think I'm better equipped to participate in a healthy relationship. So many people in bad relationships will go from one to the other, repeating the same ol patterns. It is my vow and promise to never settle for less than what what a marriage could and should be again in this lifetime. I know God hates divorce, but I also believes He hates to see people settle for less than what a marriage could be.

I propose a toast to everyone here --
May 2004 be better than before.
Cheers!

LH, I remember you!
I’m finally moving forward on mine. Again. Probably, I’ll be in a contest with you for the slow poke award!

But here’s a new year. Here’s to the progress we’ve made in the last year. Here’s to life!