Just doing my homework today, and I received a call from a collector. My X had a phone installed at the house he is living at now with his mother. This was during the time of his affair with the fat OW. At least that is what is being told to me. They called me and asked for me. I replied yes it is her. They told me that there is an outstanding balance of over $800 for a phone at my MIL's house. It has my social security #, it has my name, which as a female my name could be a woman or a man. I told her I have never lived anywhere but at this address which is different than the other. I told her we are divorced, and that the X did have an affair, and obviously used my SS# and name to have a phone installed, cause he has bad credit.

She told me to go to the police department and put a warrant out for him for fraud. Which it is fraud, and this is not the only time he did this. While he was visiting the other woman in her state, he used my name and my SS#, cause I found out and called the rental place and they said he forged my name. Which he did. I could of sued his butt then too for fraud. And now to think of it, that would of stood up in court.

To continue on, I was so... upset. It seems I find more and more about how XH has lied, used me, used my once upon a time good credit, used my SS#, without my approval. It really got me down again, I cried, cause it seems like I have just about had it, and more crap comes out. When does the lies quit, when does he tell all. He has screwed up my credit badly. He hasn't paid the hospital for my surgery, the Dr. for my surgery, the anesthesia for my surgery. And to get into this the Dr. that I am going to see at the end of the month there was an overdue bill from 2 years ago, when they had me see a Dr. for the torn rotator cuff that X did to me. So X had it paid off just a few days ago with his credit card/ which is not his, his mothers card, but he is allowed to use it, and she has him under her control to pay the thing off, or she will take it away. So now I can see a Dr. for my rotator cuff.

Just so tired of this, so tired of fighting for my life. I have cried most of today, and just want to kick this man in the butt. I hate him for doing this to me. I hate him for messing with my credit. Yes, he has had bad credit most of his life, cause he doesn't pay bills. Why doesn't he just let me live my life with peace. Why doesn't he just show me that he is willing to pay for him injuring me and pay off these medical bills. Now this phone bill.

I am going to call Monday, and have them send the paperwork to me. When I receive it, I will see if he made calls to the fat OW. Then I will show the bills to him and see what he has to say.

X told me today, that he got mad cause they put the phone in my name. Who in the heck gave them my name and SS#, sure wasn't me. I have nothing linked to that address. So this sounds phoney and like he is trying to get out of something again.

I told him that I don't trust him, and that I will find out for myself. Which I don't trust this man, cause he has done so many things that have been deceitful and lied to me, his wife. I can't believe it, another lie today. I just don't know when this is ever going to stop. Maybe I did something wrong in my life, that God is punishing me. I don't know, and it is times like this that I just want to quit.

Oh yeah, XH came over and took all the kids and boyfriend of daughter, to the movies and dinner. Doesn't even acknowledge me, while I am sitting on the couch doing my homework. I have so much darn homework from this one class. Unbelievable that one professor can do this, with these young kids taking 12,16 or more credit hours.

Going to go, take a hot bath, bought yesterday some lavender shampoo with oils in it for only $1. Was clearanced out at K-mart. So I bought 2, hoping that I can make it last for 2 months. One a month. Shampoo works great as long as it has some moisturizers in it. Just sick of this, and life. Hopefully, tomorrow I can life up with church, and I will talk to pastor after church. Just can't believe this has happened today.

Using your SSN? Excuse me...Using your SSN? Oh boy.

My advice...call the police. Because your SSN is assigned to you by the federal government false use of your number is a federal crime.

Call the police. If he's willing to commit fraud using you SSN...holy cow.

Call the police, please. Call the police.

Also, since you are not married to him you are NO LONGER protected by laws that allow a spouse to avoid criminal prosecution when a spouse commits a crime. If your EX is eventually caught committing fraud and it's discovered that you knew about it and didn't report it, you could face aiding and abetting charges.

Don't worry about any other paperwork from any place, just don't. DO NOT confront him, it won't do you any good, you are NOT going to get the contrition from him that you are so desperately looking for. Confronting him will only give him the chance to cover his tracks and possibly avoid the prosecution he deserves if he did indeed commit fraud.

Go to the police and report his possible identity theft. Let them take it from there.

<small>[ January 24, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: cat_lover ]</small>

I agree with Cat_lover.

The only thing when I was talking to the person on the phone today, is he did this while we were still legally married, see this was done 2 years ago. While the X was in his affair. The woman I was talking to, I told her what happened, that he used my name on the cell phone, cause he couldn't get the cell phones with his credit. I agreed, thinking it was for our business. But as I found out, it was not totally for the business, but for contact with the fat OW. So, that is the thing that she is not sure of now, that he did this while we were legally married by paper, and he was married to the other woman by lust.

That is why I am going to see what paperwork I can get from the phone company. And see what calls were received and made. Cause if any of her #'s are on the bill, then he has to explain. And if I need to go after him, then I will. Even if it is the police. Cause what he did, was illegal, fraud, and this man has to learn that what he has done in the past was rude, distrustful, and dishonest to his family. Yes, he screwed up (literally) and he has screwed this family up, where this family is quite dyfunctional.

He called today, to talk, I really have nothing to say to him until I get the paperwork. I have nothing to hear from him until I get the paperwork. That will be what I need to see.

And if he did use the phone, could it still be foggg.... in his head, denial, or just trying to see what he can get away with. ONce again, the disrespect, and the uncaring. This is so hard, and he wonders why I am on antidepressants. My Lord, God knows why, why doesn't he see for himself why. Just so tired of this, tired of living here, tired of being manipulated.

I did have a nice long hot bath, and have decided to go to bed and read a book. Church will hopefully bring some peace to my body. XH doesn't even know how I am hurting and my back. I have had the kids do my back twice yesterday cause it was so bad, and once today.

When I get the papers, will write here and tell you all. He professes to be radically honest with people here. Hard to believe that he feels he is, and then to continue on with the deceits and lies. I just don't know why God brought this man to my life. I really don't know. I do have 4 great young people that I gave birth to. Wonderful being a mother of these 4.

Goodnight.

Faith,
Even if you were married when he did this it is still fraud. It was your social security number and if you did not give him permission then bust him! You do not owe this man anything! Stop crying, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get mad and get something done about this! Get a copy of your credit report find out what else is out there that he has put in your name. Start civil court action for money owed to you. Enough is enough isn't it? Don't let him in your house, don't speak to him.

I guess I am having a really hard time understanding why you continue to allow this abuse. I have read many of his posts and I am not impressed by him. What kind of a hold does he have on you? I just don't understand.

I wish I could help you because it really bothers me everytime I read your posts. What can I do to help?

my e-mail is jillie_bean_36@hotmail.com e-mail if you wish

JIll

Faith,

If it shows that there has been deception then you need to alert authorities. Simple and clear.

What I don't get is your need to get all worked up and upset and angry about a guy who keeps doing the same things over and over in his life. I could see the outrage if he had tried to change or do anything different, but I don't see that at all. He has not.

And you keep implying that if calls are on the bill to fat OW that you're going to go to police? I am shocked. The law was probably broken by your xh and and you care more about the affair still yet.

My xh has slept with several OW and married one. Does it really matter if he sleeps with one more? He shattered our vows and when he does bad stuff, sure I vent, but it doesn't matter anymore who the idiot sleeps with because I know this OW/W is not going to be his last. And he's not my problem anymore. Even after how yesterday he called me and screwed with custody arrangements trying to make me look like bad guy buying rodeo tickets for today knowing fully that it's my weekend with son. He's not any different nor is he magically changed. Nope.

Don't expect anything from him. Is he supposed to be radically honest with a woman who he doesn't care about? That would be you? No. Not at all. You're smarter than that ok.

Forget the bum. Treat him like he deserves to be treated. IF he commits fraud call him on it. That's that. He is going to have to deal with himself and his own actions now.

Faith,

Ya know it is a crime to use someone else's name and SSN# without their permission for anything.

I have a similar problem with my ex. I just found out that 6 months after we separated, he added my name to a credit card and then didn't pay on the bill all the time. It's on my credit report. He then didn't remove my name until after I was remarried. I have some other legal matters regarding my house because of him that I'm dealing with right now, but after it's all settled, I'm consulting a lawyer about pressing charges against him.

You continue to amaze me by how much you will let this man do to you. When will you get tired of it all?

And another thing, he does not care that you were sitting at home doing homework. He doesn't care at all and never will again.

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't wait till tomorrow to call the police--

Report the crime today--you found out this happened REPORT IT!! Let the authorities handle it--

He's not paying YOU support anyway--what have YOU got to lose if he's sitting his butt in jail??
So he can't use that he's paying you some form of support over your head in order to control this situation---

And if your kids get mad--LET THEM!! This is YOUR LIFE NOT THEIRS NOT HIS!!! TAKE CONTROL OF IT!!

CALL THE POLICE!

CHANGE YOUR LOCKS!

QUIT TALKING TO HIM!

You so desperately want to believe that one day this fog will lift and underneath will be your H. Honey, it's not fog anymore, this is who this person is now. He has shown you in so many ways that he does not love you anymore and he will not love you as a w again. When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.

It's so pitiful to watch this because all of us have seen it and know that you are pinning your hopes on a false picture that you hanging onto for dear life. You allow him into your home in order to preserve that false picture and give yourself the old familiar feeling of being a family again.

He himself has said that he does not regard you as family anymore, why do you not believe him? You are a comfort to him and nothing more. You are a piece of familiarity as he himself adjusts to his new life. That would be fine if you and he were both mentally healthy people but you're not. Your both emotional cripples in your own right.

That old life is over F4M, no amount of wishing, praying or hoping will bring it back. I know it hurts so badly, I still get that knot in my stomach when I think of my ex and I'm remarried. The pain never really goes away, sort of like a deep scar, but we can learn to live with it and draw strength from it and use it to make better decisions later in life.

Please F4M, cut the cancer out of you. It's over, there's nothing at all left but remants of a dead life which is dragging you down.

NOSO said it all. You want fog to lift. It's not fog anymore at all.

Do I feel sad and still cry when I think of all my xh did? How he is desperately trying to make the whole world believe he's happy with his new wife/former mistress who's just married him two weeks ago and is yet almost 8 mos preggo?

If anybody ever took their vow seriously, then it's the ones who hurt and cry. I swear I do not believe your counselor is doing enough.

It's over now. Completely over ok? understand that. He's not going to change. What will it do if you find the bill and see he's contacted OW? So? Is that supposed to be some bargaining chip? He doesn't have to tell you anything anymore or answer to you unless it is about finances and is illegal (which this is). Personal life is just that. Unless his screwing around gets in the way of his parenting, then it's none of your business either. Do I wonder if my xh sometimes can't sleep at night because of bad dreams or wishes that cannot come true anymore or if he is happy? Sure I do. But I know and accept the present and know that my future will be so much more brighter than today.

I doubt that this has anything to do with the "fog" or who SNL (alias several other things) is. I am convinced that that man is suffering from a serious mental illness, or illnesses.

Also, do not bother showing him the bills and confronting him about any calls to the OW, that so does not matter anymore. Seriously, is it okay if there are no calls to OW that he put an 800 debt on your head? Please think with logic and not emotion right now.

I now understand a lot of what your exh thinks by reading his postings on this board. He is expecting you to behave irrationally and with emotion dictating action. Do not do it. He knows how to play that instrument and you have a long history of showing throat and rolling over.

Break the pattern already.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nellie1:
<strong> I doubt that this has anything to do with the "fog" or who SNL (alias several other things) is. I am convinced that that man is suffering from a serious mental illness, or illnesses. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree.

You need to immediately put a "Fraud Alert" with the credit bureaus.
A Fraud Alert simply requires anyone trying to approve credit to speak with you directly prior to granting the credit.

Call the numbers below.
Do it at all three. They say they will forward your info to the other two but it can't hurt.
Also, when you do this, you can choose to get a free copy of your credit report.

Equifax — www.equifax.com
To order your report, call: 1-800-685-1111
or write: P.O. Box 740241, Atlanta, GA 30374-0241
To report fraud, call: 1-800-525-6285
and write: P.O. Box 740241, Atlanta, GA 30374-0241
1-800-556-4711 ( remove from preapproved credit offers)

Experian — www.experian.com
To order your report, call: 1-888-EXPERIAN (397-3742)
or write: P.O. Box 2104, Allen TX 75013
To report fraud, call: 1-888-EXPERIAN (397-3742)
and write: P.O. Box 9532, Allen TX 75013

TransUnion — www.transunion.com
To order your report, call: 800-916-8800
or write: P.O. Box 1000, Chester, PA 19022.
To report fraud, call: 1-800-680-7289
and write: Fraud Victim Assistance Division, P.O. Box 6790, Fullerton, CA 92634

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 11:39 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

And one other thing I'd like to add here--

If anyone is living in a fog at this point--it's you--your living in a fog of denial that He is this person--and not the person you wish he were--

A high-five to TR and to everyone who has told you to pursue this with the police.

Wow, I know that I am in a fogg.. sort of sense. I am scared of my XH! He is a big liar, and a smart man and will use whatever he can against me. He during our marriage wanted to sue people for various things. A lot of it was talk and anger talking. For he is not a follow through type of person. So who knows, he may sue me. Now he wants to sue the Dr. that did my shoulder surgery 1 1/2 years ago. Cause XH hasn't paid the bill that he owes that Dr., and this Dr. wouldn't see me for my other shoulder (torn rotator cuff), cause there is a 2 year overdue bill that XH is suppose to pay per divorce decree. But of course XH doesn't think he did anything wrong, that it is the Dr. fault. Do you see, where I am a mental mess, and this man just screws around with my head. For he has used the kids against me, and it wouldn't surprise me if he does it again and again. The kids now see that I don't have money. Also, he has threatened me in other ways.

I did talk to a guy at church today, that used to do taxes, and he gave me information. Plus he told me to check a agency about anyone else using my SS#, which is provided by the poster above. Thank you. Now I don't have to search for that sight any more. And he told me to get a credit report from that sight, which can be for free.

Yes, what XH did was fraud. The only reason I want to find out on the bills is that SNL is denying he did this. He stated to me on the phone that he never did this. And I am to believe a man of lie and deceit that he didn't know one iota about this. XH seemed to be adamant about this, but I told him on the phone that I don't trust him. And he said, he has done many things that were wrong, but he didn't do this. But I don't trust much that XH says anymore. How did the phone company get my SS#, how was the phone # related to my birth date, ironic, isn't it that randomly these came up and what do you know, my name was used which is a bisexual name. Both a man and a womans name. She even brought that up. She said, I should have my last name changed to my maiden name, I may do this, cause that is what the guy at church said too. His XW did a lot of what my XH is doing, and he had her, legally through his lawyer, change her name for the things that she was doing which were illegal, which some were fraud. He said, if I were to change my name, and with the evidence I have, that XH would be responsible for the $$ to change my name, if fraud is proven. I didn't know that either.

Believe me, if it is fraud, I will fire back. I talked to the person at church, and he will help me, after I get my SS# in sacred protection, and there is something else he told me that will help when I get this through legal help. He knows about it, and it is protection for a woman in my position. Which I won't post here any more information, cause SNL reads my posts. XH has made little digs at me about what I write here.

Just seems the reality of finding things out never ends. Which puts me in a more depressed state.

Yes, I know this wayward spouse (XH) doesn't love me and only thinks of me as a waste of time. He was over this morning, not even calling to get my consent to come over, of course that is his irrational thinking that he will do what he wants when he wants. I was talking to my son, and XH has done this most of my marriage, interfers in my conversation with my son, like I can't talk for myself, and I can't interact with my own son without XH butting in on the conversation. XH is a controller, and let him control another woman, and ruin her credit, and make her something she is not.

I just don't understand why God did bring this man to my life. I just don't understand. I have to go to work, doing a side job, to make some money. I will e-mail jillybean later. Just needing to get changed and do some dirty work for some cash. Thanks. I hate to woe is me, but I just can't believe that still I am finding stuff that doesn't pertain to my doing, and XH did and won't admit his sentence.

Why are you still talking to this man at all on the phone or otherwise?????

And I do not think GOD wanted to give you this man, YOU chose him out of others your could have chosen. This man was not sent to you by GOD!

(For heaven's sakes!)

QUIT QUIT QUIT TALKING TO HIM AT ALL! LET AN ATTORNEY DO THE TALKING IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT HIM DO NOT TALK TO HIM YOURSELF.

ARE YOU NUTZ????

HE IS A CRIMINAL!!!!!!

Baba - I can't afford another attorney. I owe my other attorney $, but there is some action that I may beable to use, from the guy at my church. Will, see about this probably this week. Just so tired of his bullzits(?).