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Joined: Jul 2003
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I know I should be mad, angry, furious at my (STBX)husband for our current situation. I am divorcing him. I have a restraining order on him. Instead, I just feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for him for being so stupid, immature, childish... and not even knowing it.
I know along this path called "recovery", I should reach a point of anger... how do I get there? Feeling sorry for him, in my opinion, isn't healthy considering every hurtful thing he's done to me. Any thoughts?
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 6
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Don't worry the anger will come. I am currently still in that anger stage. Can't wait to get out of it. Because only with forgiveness can you truely have peace.
Just talk to God and ask him to help with your situation. Make your life your own. Keep busy it keeps your mind from wandering. Don't be afraid to seek medical help and medication if you are feeling depressed.
Hope it all gets better.
hfb04
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Maybe you've already gone through anger while still married? I know that happened with me while I was with my first H. I went through everything before we split up. Then when I left and divorced him, I felt nothing towards him. Maybe a little sorry for him since he didn't want to admit he had a problem w/abuse and control. But then I reached forgiveness and that was that.
So maybe you've already been through that stage. If so, be glad. Angry stinks!
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Thank you for the replies.
Is it possible to be angry, and not even know you are?? I am feeling a bit like... well, like I am over it. Like I am hurt, and know I don't want anything to do with him anymore... but not mad it him. I wonder if it's possible I feel like I am to blame, and that's why I'm not mad at him?? I don't think so...
It has only been 39 days since I left him, 22 days since I got the PPO against him, and 15 days since I signed the divorce papers. I may still have a lot of *stuff* to go through emotionally... but right now I just am not feeling it. Maybe I'm numb...
And, I am seeking counceling. I have gone to 3 sessions already. I am also on medication. Maybe the medication is hindering my reaction... is that possible?
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Joined: Sep 2003
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JadedOne took my answer. I had the same thing happen. there was so much anger and resentment built up, that our last fight was two weeks before I had her served. She thought as usual, things were back to normal. But I was starting to take control of my life and the direction it was going to take. Now I just feel sorry for her to be in such denial of her attitudes and behaviors, and hurt that our marriage wasnt worth counseling, but she now goes "for herself, not our marriage".
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is it possible to be angry, and not even know you are?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sure, the steps of Grieving are:
Denial
Anger
Blame
Recovery
And the fifth I can't remember.
So you may have been in denial & anger during the M. I lived in Anger a long time. Be glad you're not in that stage. Many people stay in the anger stage their whole lives, and wear it. Yikes.
Stay strong.
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Joined: Mar 2004
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by newly:
<strong> And the fifth I can't remember.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bargaining is in there (3rd stage I think?).
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Joined: Feb 2004
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I never felt angry AFTER I filed for divorce. I was angry for years that he made stupid choices, threatened me and the children, was so selfish, wouldn't let me have friends, etc....But when I came to the point of realizing that my only choices were to live that way forever and in doing so lose myself or to get away from him and make something of my life; I was no longer angry, just determined.
Now I feel sorry for him and the poor choices he continues to make. I don't spend alot of time on that, I usually say a prayer for him when I think of it. But anger and bitterness just drag you down; be glad if you don't have those feelings.
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