OK, here's my issue.... help me guys!!!

Ok, I had this boxer who would just snarl and back off any guy that tried to vye for my attention... cause he was like, "She is mine... all mine."

This guy, granted, bottomed out.

Here's where I'm having problems today.

I like this other guy... and he's just so D*** non-communicative.

He just frustrates me. (We're both single.)

I like my boxer better... and just wish he wouldn't have bottomed-out.

Well, anyway, I have a plan.

I'm thinking that I'm going to walk right by this guy with another guy... and give him this oh so childish, "Na na na boo boo!" look.

And if he just looks all hurt and collapses or something... I'm going to be sooooooooo mad!!!

If he retreats into his shell.... I'm gonna be so frustrated!!!

But if he is like, "She is mine... all mine!!".. and he starts, not literally - not physically - no way, fighting for me... like those rams butting heads or something in the wild... oh my lands!! Phaermone city.

What's wrong with me? Is this some primal thing wired into me like an animal in the wild?

Every time this man gets all hurt and collapses during the challenge of trying to win my affection... I get soooooo frustrated!

I'm wanting him to be "strong enough"... to fight for me (not physically)... to win me...

What is this?

Any, please don't slam on me, insight here?

Laura

L&C, I just read some of your past posts. Man, so she is being vicious now? On top of all of this? I don't understand why the WW has to be cruel, both emotionally and verbally, when she is giving herself to another man. At least they could try and be courteous when speaking to us.

But you are right. You need to do whatever you can to fight for you children. You need to have sole custody. I wish there were a way you could have them more than 50% of the time. I wish there were a way you could get a restraining order against the OM from you and your children. I don't know your complete situation but that may be hard at this time. For me, I was able to get a restraining order against the OM from me and the children because the children are under my protection. The order covered all of us. So if they were with my wife and I needed to get them from her in an emergency or something he could not be around. It was sort of complicated, but simple at the same time.

I know of an attorney who used to work here who took up residence in Minny. I think that is where you are from. She actually went to Min. school of law and is really good. I can ask her some questions. Hang in there, Man!

Ummmmmm… LL, can I offer to be your prop…????

But seriously, I don’t understand why woman feel the need to play these games. If you like the guy, I don’t see why you are putting him through the paces like this. If you find him to be too emotionally weak… then move on, why play these games? I don’t get it. I mean, I can understand women wanting “real men”…tough, strong, emotionally tough on the outside and tender on the inside (kinda like a good steak), so on and so on… But I don’t get the games. This is perhaps the part about dating again that I am looking forward to the least. I never understood the games before and I am only getting more antiquated in my ways… It seems almost doomed from the start.

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>

WMWB,

I love steak... sirloin... MW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Can't have a married man for a male friend like that... wouldn't be proper... wouldn't be giving community their props... and a man is more than a prop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm not intentionally trying to play a game.

Just a thought. My plan. But maybe I'll walk by with a girlfriend instead and give him a different kind of a look.

There would be no games... if there was honest, open communication... and, to be honest, if I got what I wanted in the first place.

I guess Dr. Harley is right again.

But isn't it all "a dance"?

We species all have our mating dances. Look at nature. Is it all just "a game"? Or is it, really, "a dance"?

I have particular issues with stoicism... with shutting down communication... with failing to talk about real needs... and lack of positive effort to meet them in a relationship... with trying to look strong... and denying true love.

If I had met someone I truly loved more, who I found more attractive, then "the dance" with him would be... no more. But we've had our "dance" from the very first time we met.

Maybe part of the reason I dance as I do is the ongoing effects I'm growing out of of having been hurt before. Maybe part of the reason he dances as he does is part of the ongoing effects he's growing out of of having been hurt before.

Do I really "choose" my dance steps? Maybe I choose... but my prior inclinations are set by circumstances beyond my ability to change... like my past.

I'm doing the best I know how.

And, if he wasn't playing a game, the shell game, I wouldn't be tempted to play mine.

Who is leading "the dance"?

No disrespect intended to males or anyone experiencing the grief of adultery or divorce.

Again, we're both single.

Laura

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by laura_lee:
<strong> WMWB,

I love steak... sirloin... MW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Can't have a married man for a male friend like that... wouldn't be proper... wouldn't be giving community their props... and a man is more than a prop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does MW mean?

And I was refering to a prop in the sense that you wanted to parade another guy in front of this man you are interested in... in that sense would not you need a prop? And I was only being coy anyway... However, I'd be interested in seeing the look granted when you parade a girlfriend around him....ahhhh, well I'm getting distracted and off topic....

Give me a second to riegn in my thoughts here.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />


Ok, I'm better now... Anyway, I can certainly understand why you would be leary of a guy who clams up like that... especially given your thoughts on the cruelty of neglect and aloofness of your exH. But again, if you see the warning flags popping up all over... why persue him? Isn't this a bit self defeating in a way?


I also love a good steak... but perhaps a better analogy for people (what I think both men and women are looking for) is beer. You know... tall, cool, good head and goes down easily...

...am i allowed to say that here???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>

WMWB....

Ummmmm... #1 - I would not be "parading a girlfriend"... I would be walking in front of him with one of my friends... ummmmmmm... have you been watching one of those new shows that are out? Cause that's not me!! lol

#2 It would have to be a man I like... to create the jealousy factor if I went with Plan A (ummmm... my plan A... not Dr. Harley's... lol). Not just "a prop"... but a guy I like...

#3 Let's just "shrink down" all this psychobabble into food talk... I like steak! I don't like clams! (I'm with you on that one!) If we can beef this guy up to become real meat... there's hope!! (Did I say that?)

#4 Well, of course, I like beer. Michelob light... in the bottle. There's nothing like a cold one! uhhhh... stop.

Laura

LOL... sounds good to me.

But if you were actually "walking" by guy #1 with guy #2... and you actually liked both, would you not be using guy #2 to get guy #1...??? Wouldn't that make you little more than a "player" (pronounced in the African American community "pley-ah")...??? Wouldn't that be "a game" or "a dance" or call it what you will... isn't that a little mean? You'd be using guy #2...

And by the way... what could you possibly mean by saying you would "walk by" with a girlfriend and give him "a different sort of look" then????? I think I took that exactly how you meant it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> !!!

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>

As I read your story, I sat back and wondered "when did I write this". Same story. The "A" was long distance, was the only difference.

My only suggestion to you is to do what is in your heart. Pray for God's help and feel confident about your decisions, as hard as it is.

Please never Never say that you can't forgive or you don't want to reconcile. You never know what can and will happen.

Right now things are hard. Decisions are being made on emotion. Attorneys are trying to earn a buck or two. Once all this settles, reevaluate. I myself am not to that point yet with my divorce. I am still trying everything in the bag, hoping something will trigger a memory in her or a feeling in her. The biggest thing I have realized, is that I cannot control what she, her attorney, her parents or friends are going to do or say. I was accused of abuse in many different forms. The sad part is that she believes her attorneys and is not open to what is right.

If you want your marriage repaired, be patient, ask God for help and do what He tells you to do. It is still going hurt, you are still going to cry, so just realize that and please learn how to handle it for your childrens sake.

I am in the same place. God is helping me with patience, strength around my children, and healing.

God bless.

WMWB,

aaaaaagh!

This is kind of like stepping on gooey gum... I am trying to... extricate my shoe... and am concerned... I might be making a bigger mess! lol What did I say? oh no!

ok... now... what I was trying to say... is that walking by with a girlfriend would be a "non-threatening" situation... noooooooo jealousy issue... involved... and, so, could be one of those sideways, 'hey there' glances. Not a big deal. Can see anything like it on tv any time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And, I don't know... would it be "using" Guy 2? Well, not really, cause if Guy 2 likes me and I like Guy 2, and Guy 1 doesn't work out... then Guy 2 and I could work out... yeah, it's like high school or something.

When we were in high school, we didn't take life so seriously. We didn't call it "games"... we called it "fun"... "romance"... and life. Even if we are older... the more things change... the more things stay the same. Maybe it's only "a game" if one takes life too seriously?? I'd like to just call it flirting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all. No need to play it safe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Better, being single, to get back in the game! lol

hey STOpthepityparty... you sound very mature and balanced... and probably have the best shot at restoration with your way of handling things as stated. Do remember to laugh and have fun (without giving up the goal of restoration)... and don't get all caught up in the drama of the WS, parents, friends, etc.

See ya,

Laura

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

WMWB ... you need to get out more LOL .. it means Medium Well

D2IA .. I'll write back later

L&C,

Thanks for the help there on the MW question.

If we can just help WMWB, and men and women everywhere, to understand the menu selections... I think we will have solved every problem that has ever arisen on the board!!!

Do we really have "relationship issues"..., and I hope I'm not being toooooo philosophical, or is it really all about food?

Love bank? Whatsup with that????

Food bank!!! That's the ticket!!

After all, the way to a man's (and most women's, right?) heart is through their stomache!!!

We have diet issues, here! Underfed men and women... men and women who have been getting the WRONG entres. Overfed men and women.... double entres!! (not to be confused with double entandra's WIWH, if you're lurking!!)

Men and women who FAIL to control their appetites!! and fail to stick to their diets!!

Men and women who just can't pull away from the table... or pass on dessert!!

Appetite issues. Diet issues. The food bank!!

Maybe we need to pay more attention to that Atkins guy. Does he have a discussion board?

Anyway, thanks for the help, L&C, cause the family that eats together.... stays together!

Laura

LL... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LOL - sometimes

I agree about that .. ( I used to manage Restaurants ).. Look at the menu but don't order the Take out... JUST SAY NO TO THE xtra piece of <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> "Dessert" and most of us here wouldn't have the problem we have .. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />