I had posted this in the EN board but maybe it's more appropriate here. Thanks for your insight.
I caught my WS in a lie last week and threw the gauntlet down. She denied lying and does not want to pursue MC. There is alot more to this story but I will not bore everyone with all of the details. I had previously thought things were getting better but BEWARE, the WS ALWAYS WILL LIE!
Supposedly the A was over and they were no longer talking (he is an out of state co-worker). THis is what she told me mid-February. Well, of course they are still talking. She tells me he was pursuing her---well, I thought this was over, what did you do to lead him on?
So, that's it. I can longer be the only one trying to work at this thing. I told her I can no longer trust her. I cannot stand being with someone who is no longer honest. Of course, I heard all the lame excuses as usual (you drove me away, you were controlling, money issues, lack of respect etc.). It was never about him, only the issues between us which you failed to see...blah, blah, blah!
We had numerous LBs all over the place. Lots was said...I will always know I never broke my vows, you think having a R in a M is okay, etc.
She left on a business trip last Tuesday and returned Friday night. She called each night to talk with me about hohum stuff. We discussed trying to go to a mediator next week instead of lawyers. She then left Saturday to return to her 3 month internship and will return home on Memorial Day.
So, she then tries to call me 5X Sunday night, fairly late (11PM to 12:45AM). She then calls 4:50AM my time to basically say she couldn't reach me last night, is everything ok? She then calls me 2X last night and we speak for about 25 minutes about her day, usual stuff, etc.
What gives? Why all the phone contact from her? I no longer call her...and I just exposed the A to the OMW last week...so he probably can't talk to her either. I also told her last week I have known you for almost 13 years as my good friend and W and this is all about to end....I need to begin to disengage from this R.
Maybe she feels guilty? Wants to try to be extra nice so I don't take her for every penny I can? Just needs the attention?
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Me: BS, 40
W: WS, 36
9 Month A
D-Day: 10/11/03
We're Done, Time to Move On
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Posts: 62 | Registered: Oct 2003 | IP: Logged |
RoanWard
Junior Member
Member # 35269
posted May 25, 2004 04:30 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Nature:
What gives? Why all the phone contact from her? I no longer call her...and I just exposed the A to the OMW last week...so he probably can't talk to her either. I also told her last week I have known you for almost 13 years as my good friend and W and this is all about to end....I need to begin to disengage from this R.
Maybe she feels guilty? Wants to try to be extra nice so I don't take her for every penny I can? Just needs the attention?
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By telling her it's over, not calling her, exposing the affair, and making divorce arrangements I imagine you woke her up. She now realizes that she can't have everything and that her actions really do have consequences. So now she's panicked and she's reaching out to you.
Are you sure you want a divorce? If so, then just ignore the renewed contact and continue with your arrangements. If not, then maybe you should do a Plan B to show her you're serious.
April
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Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2004 | IP: Logged |
Nature
Member
Member # 30680
posted May 25, 2004 04:52 PM
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Thanks for the reply...I exposed the A on a Friday afternoon....and we both discussed the lying incident that evening when we both said there was nothing more to do since she does not want to seek MC...I did not tell my W I exposed it until Sunday....but on Saturday she was all over me to discuss the D, what do I want, we reviewed financial information, etc.
She began crying later that day after all of the LB'ing...and said she knows I want kids and she does not, I am not the girl for you, I have been trying, we are only getting older, etc. She previously told me on the phone the spark just does not seem to be there. She always kicks in the "I don't want kids" issue....she is a independent, highly paid executive career woman.
So maybe the exposure/remorse is just kicking in now?
She indicated to me this past Friday night that maybe we can get in front of a mediator next week when she returns. So, it does seem she wants this this D. I cannot continue with this any longer and had almost lost my sanity.
I do feel clearer knowing what is ahead. I had done a helluva Plan A...but always wanted to be closer to her intimately....since I was so insecure about us...and she took this as I only wanted to make L all the time.
I had a moment of weakness Friday evening when I took her hands in mine and said I may come upstairs to sleep tonight..and she responded that she would then come downstairs.
Thanks for the replies. I do not believe there is any hope left and it is the right thing to do...there are more fish in the sea....and she cannot see what a good man she has right now.
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Me: BS, 40
W: WS, 36
9 Month A
D-Day: 10/11/03
We're Done, Time to Move On
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Posts: 62 | Registered: Oct 2003 | IP: Logged |
Nature
Member
Member # 30680
posted May 26, 2004 09:25 AM
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I receive an email from my W this morning indicating a stock we own has gone up. Of course, why send this now since we will be liquidating this soon assuming we agree on a settlement?
I am heading to my C this AM.
Thanks for any other input. I have a feeling she is just trying to manipulate this situation by showing how "nice" she can now be as we split up.
