My wife began having an affair with my son's 1st grade teacher while working as an aid at the school. The affair began back in mid Feb and I fisrt suspected mid Mar. I confronted her about it and she denied it all saying they were just friends (they had been friends for about 2 years at this point).

I began to focus more on her emotional needs than I had in the last couple months and things seemed to be improving, but still didn't feel quite right. I did some snooping and discovered proof of the affair in mid Apr.

When confronted with the proof she finally admitted to it. She said she didn't know if she wanted to work things out, be on her own, or be with him. She ended up staying. I made every effort I could to improve things-meet the needs she needed met. She said she was no longer in contact with him and as long as she was with me would try to work things out.

There didn't seem to be much effort on her part to work things out and I chalked it up to her going through withdrawal, but later found out she was still having phone and e-mail contact with him. I asked her to write a formal letter ending their relationship...we would soon be moving (I'm in the military) anyway.

She did write the letter. Things started to improve. She seemed happier and said things were getting better between us. We started to become closer than we had been during all of this. Then out of the blue, two weeks later she left without warning. I came home to an empty house, her and the children gone. No note, no good-bye, nothing. She filed for divorce the same day.

I found out she was with him and arranged to meet her in a semi-public place to talk the next day. I simply wanted to know why. She couldn't tell me. We did work out a schedule for custody of the kids.

It's been 3 weeks since she left. She seems to be determined to end our marriage, but will not tell me why. I get mixed signals because she constantly procrastinates in regards to everything having to do with the end of our marriage. She has said if she could go back and change things she would. The only thing she is willing to talk about is the custody of the children. All other topics seem to be off limits in her mind.

I don't want it to end, but know I cannot hang onto someone who does not want to be here. At the same time I am having a lot of difficulty trying to move forward without some type of explanation from her as to why all of this is happening. She said she began working on an e-mail explaining the why of it all the day after she left, but here it is 3 weeks later and she has yet to finish it. Whenever asked a direct question, she is silent refusing to discuss it because it's to hard.

I don't want my marriage to be over, I still love her very much and always will, but it looks as though it is ending anyway. I just want some form of closure. How do I begin to move on?

Visalli,

I don't know for sure why you wife left, but I do know that Dr. H has labeled affairs as one of the most cruel and selfish things one human being can do to another.

Your wife has been cruel and selfish. By taking the children from you, she has compounded that and made it worse. It is no wonder that she cannot explain herself to you. She would have to admit her poor behavior. That does not fit in with the fantasy world she has created around her lover.

Obviously, you must read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harely.

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: JustinExplorer ]</small>

Visalli,

This is my first post since me and my WW got back together last year. And unfortunatly we have split for the 3rd and final time.

Your situation sounds almost a lot like mine. If you like you can look back at my old posts as I asked the same questions. From my expierence though, if your WW is anything like mine its going to be rough. Be strong and don't be afraid to talk to someone. I'm in the Military as well and there are plenty of services to help you through the rough times.

As for moving on? There is no set way to do that unfortunatly. You can start by not sitting around alone in the house. Been there, Done that.. Bad for the mind. At first it'll be hard because all you'll think about is What if this, What if that... It'll pass though.

I wish you and your children all the best.