Hi - Any one know a good Prayer or prayers for getting through this "lesson in life" with a pure heart & clear conscience.
I am finding it increasingly difficult to have any good or esteem building thoughts in my head. Seems to be stuck on the same old soul destroying recording. I want to do better than just survive this experience.

Bro,

I am reminded of that old 'change the things you can and accept those you can't' mantra. Frankly seeking God and building a dialog with him works wonders.

Though the pain is the same personal recovery takes many different paths. There are those here that can coach you, but the path you take will be your own. Talk to God often, find an outlet for the pain and do the time.


oh, and post/vent here... these be good folk

Many are familiar with the words of theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, but few are aware that he is their author. The “serenity prayer” is taught in AA meetings and other 12-step groups as a model for living life one day at a time. We can all learn from it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. AMEN

These words from the opening of the prayer are the most familiar. Even if you don’t believe in God, these words can be a model for effective management of stress in your life. It is critical to understand the difference between things that you can change and things that you can’t. We bring much stress upon ourselves by worrying about and obsessing over things that we cannot change. We also add to our stress if we fail to change stressful things that we can change.

Courage to change the things I can

If you are under a lot of stress, try to identify the sources of the stress - the stressors. Are you volunteering your time working for a number of worthy causes? As worthy as they may be, this is a source of stress that you can change. You are choosing to spend your time this way. You can make different choices. Are you putting in too much time at the office? Is this causing friction in personal relationships, or causing them to drift farther apart? Here again you are making certain choices about how you spend you time. You can make different choices.

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Have you suffered through recent losses? Deaths of friends or relatives are clearly not things that we can change. Changes in our own health often fall in the same category. Has your employer asked you to do a different job than the one you were hired for? You might be able to change this, or you can certainly change jobs – but in many cases this is also something that is better to accept and adapt.

Wisdom to know the difference

Take some time to think about those stressors in your life. Apply your wisdom to them – specifically to decide whether the stressor is one that you can change or not. If it is something that you can change, then decide if you want to change it, and make a plan.

Niebuhr continues with these words:

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

That approach to life has been found to be helpful in many different traditions. The Buddhist tradition of mindfulness focuses on living one moment at a time. This moment is all that we really have. If we allow it to pass by we will never have it again. How was this moment for you?

God knows what you need before you ask. But ask anyway. The Lord's prayer includes the desire to repent and recieve forgiveness. MOST IMPORTANT! But I found the hard way that prayer is more effective if it is followed by reading and understanding the Bible. Thats how God usually expresses Himself to me and that is how I have been able to cope.
Also I have found that when I pray adulation to God I am training myself to concentrate on the GOOD things God gave to me. This make my outlook 100x better. Plus, and this is important to a Chirstian, this is the prayer that was taught by Jesus the Son of God.


“And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. In this manner, therefore, pray:

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” -Jesus Christ

*note* This is close to what my bible has as traslated here but I conceed other traslations my vary.

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: Julius ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RenaissanceMan:
<strong> ...I am finding it increasingly difficult to have any good or esteem building thoughts in my head. Seems to be stuck on the same old soul destroying recording...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh RenaissanceMan, I can sure identify with what you're saying here. When I was first separated and living in our old family house with the kids, I didn't need my ex to be in the house to tell me I was fat, lazy, ugly or stupid because those thoughts were swirling around in my head all on my own!! It really is like having a recording going over and over in your head, isn't it?

Like you, I decided that I wanted to change my thinking and thought patterns, but it wasn't easy. I felt so DEFEATED! Soooo...to change my thoughts I did something kind of drastic. I bought a pad of Post-It Notes and on each note I wrote a prayer or affirmation. The bible is FULL of loving thoughts from God, so I just covered my house with them! I even put in a few that said, "I am smart and capable" "I am funny and fun to be with" "I am beautiful just the way I am" "I am made in God's image"...that kind of thing.

So here are some of my verses:

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." -Ps. 34:4

"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it is a wellspring of life."-Prov. 4:23

"In EVERYTHING give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

(BTW, please note that it does not say "When stuff is going good give thanks"--it says "In EVERYTHING give thanks..." It's hard to give thanks for the OP--and thank God for the A--and thank God for the pain that I feel, but that is the will of God concerning me, so I have no choice but to obey.)

"I am with you always"-Matt. 28:20

"...Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning."-Ps. 30:5

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord deliverth him out of them all."-Ps. 34:19

"When thou passest through the waters, I WILL BE WITH THEE. And through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee. When thou walkest through the fire, THOU SHALT NOT BE BURNED, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee."-Is. 43:2

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."-Rom. 8:28

(Please note: all things, even things meant for evil, work for good under two conditions: to them who love God, and to them who are living in His will. If you love God and are living in His will, then it WILL work for good according to His divine purpose--you just may not see it or understand it, but HE does!)

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."-II Cor. 4:17

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; but rejoice inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ's suffering."-I Peter 4:12

(I always envisioned the pain and agony of an A as similar to being in a fire. In many ways, it feels the same! But when you put impure gold into a fire, it melts and loses it's shape, but it also loses it's impurities. In the hands of the Goldsmith, the pure gold is reshaped into a pure and beautiful thing...yet the gold had to endure the fire.)

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land and verily thou shalt be fed."-Ps 37:3

"But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find Him, if thou seek Him with all thy heart and with all thy soul."-Det. 4:29

"I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me."-Pr. 8:17

"But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not..."-Luke 22:32

(Note: did you know that Jesus prayed for Peter? Did you know that your God loves you so much that He prays for you?)

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted avove that ye are able; but will with the tempation also make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it."-I Cor. 10:13

"Sumbit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."--James 4:7


Okay...I think you get the drift. Post those kinds of verses all over your house and your cubicle, and when the negative record starts, THERE'S ONE OF THOSE POST-IT NOTES! Write on your mirror with soap if you have to--just do it!


CJ

Folks - I am truly humbled by your kindness. Thank you for you great postings. I really feel that I need to say this and maybe I am getting philosophical but ...
Through this very personal and painful tragedy(which many of you are also experiencing), I have had my faith in "human kind" restored. I have been so touched by the advice, support and genuine concern that other people have so freely given me in the relatively short period of time that I have been coming to MB. I makes me wonder if this experience wasn't my wake up call from God that I had should get my head out of the sand and see the good things in life. In as much as I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone (except maybe the OP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) I beleive that it has been an awakening for me.
THANK YOU!!

Hi RM,
Below is a quote from a lengthy narrative that I have read many times. If used it does provide much relief for you and your situation. I did and it does work. After all what do you have to loose.

&#65279;How to Divorce As Friends

You can divorce as friends - Maybe save your marriage!

By Bill Ferguson

Whether you want to get a divorce or save your marriage, the action you take now becomes very
important.

You can either interact in a way that restores love and forwards cooperation or you can interact
in a way that creates more pain and suffering. Usually we interact in a way that creates more
suffering.

We have so much hurt and upset, we lose our ability to see clearly. All we can do is fight, resist,
hang on or withdraw. This in turn destroys love and fuels the cycle of conflict. This cycle of
conflict then brings out the worst in people.

To be most effective in handling your situation, this cycle of conflict needs to end. This is true
whether you want to save your marriage or get a divorce. Fortunately, it only takes one person to
end the conflict.

If you want the rest of it I will email it to you in a text file.

david@ayersauctions(nospam).com
remove the (nospam)

David A