I just realized....

If my STBXH signs the final decree without contesting anything, we could be legally DV as soon as next Monday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

LL

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 09:31 AM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

Hi LL,

Long time no post.Sorry about your situation still.I hope at least you will be covered financially in the end.For me it has come down to that.I have to make sure that my girls and I are covered and I will do whatever I need to do to ensure that.So far,my WH is agreeing to everything but that doesn't mean he couldn't try to pull a fast one toward the end.I am prepared though.

It will take a couple or few more months though for me.I kind of wish it would be over a bit faster.I still feel like I am hovering in limboland which doesn't feel too good.

I don't have any words of wisdom or even any thoughtful responses just appreciate what you are going through.

Stay Strong~

O

And the sand continues to run out of the hourglass...

I put the final decree in STBXH's (actually OW's) hands on Friday night after work.

OW called this afternoon to let me know STBXH has already signed and had it notarized, less than 24 hours after I left it with them. She encouraged me to pick it up on my way to work on Monday and take it to the attorney.

STBXH certainly doesn't seem to have any second thoughts about giving up his life with me, does he?!

I should be happy that the whole thing is almost over, but I'm really not.

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong> And the sand continues to run out of the hourglass...

I put the final decree in STBXH's (actually OW's) hands on Friday night after work.

OW called this afternoon to let me know STBXH has already signed and had it notarized, less than 24 hours after I left it with them. She encouraged me to pick it up on my way to work on Monday and take it to the attorney.

STBXH certainly doesn't seem to have any second thoughts about giving up his life with me, does he?!

I should be happy that the whole thing is almost over, but I'm really not.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't blame you LL, I wouldn't be happy either.
You still love the guy...

But I don't agree that time isn't on your side.
--you aren't the one living with another party
--you aren't the one who might be in a haste to
have your OP divorced from his current W
--and you aren't in any rush to begin a R with
someone else

When you said
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She encouraged me to pick it up on my way to work on Monday and take it to the attorney. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I got this uneasy feeling.
She seems a bit too eager.
And WAY too satisfied with the D decree...I mean she had him sign and notarize it in less that 24 hours AND she suggests to deliver it to your attorney on Monday.

So the question that comes to my mind is WHY is the OW in such a haste for YOU to take the signed document to your attorney.

As a matter of fact, in my VHO, something stinks here.

Perhaps s/he thinks it is too good to be true.
Perhaps s/he thinks he is getting way more than should be expected.
Who knows what she thinks, but it seems to me that she is too *encouraging*
and I know that I personally would NOT rush down to the attorney with the signed document.

Not today.

If for no other reason than the OW woman would never, ever have the pleasure or have the satisfaction of even *thinking* she had any control in calling the shots in my D.
It is, in reality, NONE of her business.
YOU are calling the shots here.
And if YOU chose not to go to the attorney today, it is none of her business WHY.

If nothing else, get yourself a glass of wine and sit down tonight and thoroughly go through the document.
Why is she so delighted...
What is he getting...
What are you giving him that you may not need to get him...(personally there is NO way in h3ll I would give my stbx half of my 401K....but that's just me.)
What are you NOT getting that you may be entitled to...(are you going to get half of HIS retirement?)

Do you have a D'ed trusted friend or coworker or family member that you could talk with. to compare notes.
If you don't, or even if you do
PLEASE find the nearest Alanon family group and attend a meeting tonight. The people there understand like no one else can.
Alanon saved my sanity.
And helped me achieve a sense of peace.
And that is what I hope for you, LL...Peace.

Jill

Maybe not the wisest choice, but I am going to take the papers to my attorney today, sign them, and have him file them tomorrow with the courts.

I do think that I could have held out and given FAR less than I did to STBXH (and OW). However, I don't want to fight, I want to end things on a good note and with love, not hate. And if that means I give a little too much, so be it. I'll like myself better in the end than if I played a selfish, childish game.

The REAL reason I'm in a big hurry to get the decree finalized is that in it, primary physical custody of my daughter is still in my name. That's been an issue lately. Even if she chooses to go live with them, STBXH would have to take me back to court to re-open the custody issue and I doubt he'd do it.

This means that he has to continue to pay me child support, which will hopefully motivate them to stop encouraging my daughter to come live with them. She belongs with me! They do not provide the proper environment for a troubled teen.

As for my 401(k), the final decree has it split 55% to me and 45% to him. He still gets a great deal, but at least it's not 50/50.

And unfortunately he has ZERO retirement $ of his own, so there is no plan of his to split. That's why he gets 1/2 of mine. It is assumed by Iowa law that since I am the only one with a retirement plan, that joint marital $ were being contributed to my plan only and that it therefore is half his.

Stupid, but reality.

I may have missed something big, but I really think OW is pushing STBXH to get this final because she wants him to be a free man for their trip to Paris. Wouldn't completely surprise me (though will hurt) if he proposes to her over there.


LL

Papers have been signed by both STBXH and myself now and are with my attorney. I should get a call sometime tomorrow telling me I'm a free woman. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

LL

You're in my thoghts. I can't imagine, or maybe I can imagine, a little too well what you might be feeling and going through.
Go with peace. I think it's important to end things on a fine note because I don't want to take hate and blame into the next chapters of my life.
I hope you feel better soon.
Lucy

{{{{{{{{ ll }}}}}}}}}

I know you still have very mixed feelings about the divorce, but once it's over you can really start to recover.

I filed for dv 3.5 years ago so I've done it the long drawn out way and I definitely don't recommend it. I've taken the same approach as you - giving up more than what should be my share in order to maintain the peace. I don't want to stoop to his (and OW's) level. I know I'll feel sad when it's finally over, too.

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.

My thoughts are with you. It must be a very difficult day for you.

((((((((((LL))))))))))

First message on my phone this morning when I arrived at work was my attorney saying he'd already been before the judge this morning.

My divorce is final. I am a free woman.

And how do I feel? Pretty much like someone just kicked me in the chest. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong> My divorce is final. I am a free woman.

And how do I feel? Pretty much like someone just kicked me in the chest. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No doubt. My thoughts are with you. I just don't know what else to say...