Well, maybe I am thinking too much...but I appreciate any comments...this is a tough time of year and I seem to be in bit of a holiday rut recently. Thanks for any feedback.

A little background...I never call her, she calls me, mostly to discuss the pending home sale...she moved out of state several months ago, makes 6 figures and has never shown very little remorse...we filed about 5 months ago...anyway, please read on. I guess you could say it's been a modified Plan B but we have filed.

Yesterday, she calls me at work and we discuss the home sale and a few other business items. She then gets personal, inquires about Xmas, what I am planning on doing, etc (I am heading back east)...I tell her I am taking a red eye, flying all night long...she mentions, oh---you have never been able to sleep on a plane and brings up a few previous trips we took, all sorts of concern about my well being..she asks me if I need any money (recently had car repairs) or if she can setup her company shuttle to get me at the airport at Xmas time to take me to my mom's house....I politely decline each offer.

I ask her if she called me Sunday evening (months ago I told her do not call me on the weekends, I do not call you...and she had previously told her GF months ago that she did not want me to know her new home phone number)....she said yes, I wanted to see how you were doing (I did not answer the phone)...she asks about my headcold, all sorts of concern about the medicine I should be taking for it, etc.

What gives?

Previously she visited here 2 weeks ago..I had not seen her in 3 months and left her with tears coming down her eyes (I posted this a few weeks ago and Cymanca posted a few comments)...I basically left her without speaking to her.

Anyway, hope I am not a bother, just thinking a little too much right now.

The court date is in 5 weeks...and she knows I am going after every penny (she is the breadwinner compared to me)....maybe she's trying to be "extra" nice? Very out of character.

Nature

Nature,

Does her A still continue? If not then perhaps you are seeing her come out of the fog. However, all interactions seem shallow enough that there is no need to worry about changing direction, even if you want to.

It is possible she is buttering you up, but somehow she is talking to the wrong person. It should be her lawyer talking to yours as that is who is going to be dealing with the assests...the lawyers.

Perhaps it is guilt on her part, one never knows. So hang in there and "steady as she goes" seems to be the order of the day.

God Bless,

JL

JL, thanks for your comments as always. I read your responses throughout MB.

The "original" A is over, and has been for at least 6 months or more..however, she started seeing someone when she moved out in late July-she previously promised she would never talk to this guy again. But, I understand that was on the rocks and is over.

Recently, when she returned 2 weeks ago, I discovered she has registered with match.com and yahoo personals....so, my guess is she is pretty lonely and aching for attention...and this may be why all of a sudden she is sort of reaching out to me.

Or, maybe it is just guilt? She showed little remorse through this whole thing...that and the lying is ultimately what led me to call it quits...but still, I wonder sometimes, especially around the holidays.

Nature,

It is possible that the fog is lifting Nature and it is possible that she is trying in sort of a lame way to feel out your feelings for her. The lying as you know is part and parcel of the A, but if she is not in it perhaps she is sort of seeing things differently. It is hard to know these things.

Here is something to think about. You have 5 weeks until the divorce, and apparently the A is over. Why not talk to her, when you can. At the very least this marriage will end with you showing kindness to her. After the divorce you don't have to be her "friend" or ever speak to her again, but leaving it on a high note might not be a bad idea.

Further, if you are a bit diabolical <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> there is always the famous saying </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The best revenge is a life well lived. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and nothing says well lived better than a smile, kindness, and an air of confidence that YOU have your act together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Do you see my meaning?

Just a thought.

God Bless,

JL

Nature,


You are not getting buttered up, you appear to be getting Mazzola'd <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When we last spoke , I was amazed at the similarities between our WW's. Now I know for a fact that my WW is BPD. A hallmark of BPD is the "hoovering" of people back into relationships. Only you can tell if that is happening, and if you want it to happen.It also may be that your WW has finally hit bottom. We like to think that when that happens there will be a resounding crash. Perhaps it was just a slow settling to the bottom of the life trough with a sudden epiphany as to where her decisions have taken her. Either way the ball is in your court. Only you can decide where your life will take you.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Nature,

I had a similar expierience with my STBX before the sale of our house. The fact that she apparently abandoned the M for OM, the laws of my state, and the contracts and agreements we signed, she knew she would walk away with very little $ from the sale. She displayed all the nice behavior until the day of the closing. I have never seen 'that' nasty side of her before that day.

I totally agree with JL, as usual, that 'the best revenge is life well lived'... That is the route I have gone and it has helped me in countless ways.

Best of luck.

SAMM

Hi Nature,

I was wondering how you were doing these days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It's sad to say but from what you mentioned,several scenarios could be happening here but with her previous history of lying you just can't be sure what is going through her mind right now.I can understand your curiosity but you should probably leave well enough alone.If I had to fathom a guess,I would say that your stbxw is feeling the holiday blues and probably is lonely like you mentioned.

I'm sure that if she harbored any will to try and get back together,she might be thinking the way back to you is through her concern.But even if that were the case,she hasn't shown any signs,true signs,that she has done her homework and improved herself right? She is now going from one guy to the next.

You know,nowadays,my WH is very pleasant and caring,trying to be Mr.Familyman but he really is just Mr.Duplicity still .He plays with the kids and tries to help around the house but then the moment he is out the door or he gets a chance,he is talking/e-mailing the homewrecker.He still is pressuring me to be in communication with him and he doesn't like the fact that he isn't going to have me around much longer,at all.He is finally getting his chance to really be on his own and see if the homewrecker can be everything to him.

Anyway,I would just be wary.I think when many WS's want something from you they play nice and sound concerned.I just don't find it sincere.

Well,if you are coming back to the east coast,bring some warm clothes.It's been pretty cold out here although we haven't had much of any snow yet and we are already into December.Go figure.

O

Cy--yeah, who knows what the deal is...I guess I tried so hard for so long, it was hard to let go but I did....and then I get these odd phone calls...and the emotional vist a few weeks ago...it really makes me think....but I cannot open myself up to this, it has to be her, there really would have to be a major turnaround on her part...and maybe then I could seriously contemplate reconciliation.

OG, thanks for your thoughts as always, I think of your sitch from time to time.

Yeah, I was thinking maybe this would happen in little bitty steps on her part as she showed so little remorse about this whole A...and her betrayal and lying....but I really cannot open up again to her, it would have to start with her first..is this it? Hard to say but I am guessing she wants something, attention, who knows.

I guess she returns next week for our mediation session....and the court date looms in January.

I have actually debated on trying to reach out to her but have not done anything nor do I plan to.

Thanks as always to you both and other posters.

PS-Yes, I will dress warm!