Where does it say in 1 Cor. 7 that you may divorce over this.

Arwin-

In short, it doesn't. A lot of the meaning is inferred by themarriagebed.com, which defines marriage as a covenant. I'm with them on that one. Then they go on to say:

"When a covenant is broken, the one who has been wronged is no longer bound by the covenant.... Jesus said that sexual sin breaks a covenant. In Mt. 19:9 (NKJV) Jesus says 'And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.'"

themarriagebed.com defines sexual immorality as all sexual sin. So jump to Paul who says it's a sin to "refuse our spouse sexually." By definition of themarriagebed.com, that would constitute a sexual sin and, therefore a covenant breaker, which is a basis for divorce.

I'm unsure...It's a bit too much inference for me.

Hi, JustinExplorer-

Thanks for stepping in as a VOR. I don't mean to sound like I only want people to agree with me or tell me what I want to hear. But for obvious reasons, I prefer words of comfort to criticism. When I deserve it, go for it. But just "going off" on me is unacceptable.

Okay, I jumped on the viagra before I read that part, my bad. And I have no complaints sexually. I am satisfied COMPLETELY. Eat your heart out :-p.

Offended you? Why you are the "wife" in this subject, or aren't you? You take it however you wish. Seems as if you have already decided to be the XW here.

I apologize for being so offensive, however by reading your post I took, living together, but separate lives as I do as I please, him as he pleases. So I am an [censored] for assuming.

I am not talking about myself. You go back and reread your post. You sound cold. You want "our" approval to leave. Anyone needing approval of a bunch of complete strangers, is looking to feel better about leaving. You will say you didn't ask for approval, but if you look back you did say you were only here so someone would tell you it is ok.

As christians we are also humans who have desires of the flesh. During that year and a half neither of you had to take a step back, cold shower long walk? I have sustained from sex and trust me all the faucets were running, and I know the pipe work was doing just fine. It is being strong enough to hold off those urges. I LIVE (something I don't have to and will not defend) with this man and we did at first as well. I will tell you I spent many of nights in that cold shower, and have taken many walks. I am not the only one having to do this. There is always a sign, a remark or something that should of told the both of you that you were having way too many urges, or him little to none.

I know you did not consummate on the wedding night as you stated and I was paying attention. First you said you didn't have sex, but tried. After about six months you were worried about it. Then you said you tried but can't remember if you had penetration. If I hadn't had sex in six years you better believe I will remember any penetration if any at all. That is just me I guess.

LMBO at troll. Hunnie I am no troll. I said my sisters have cheated on their husbands and If you were paying attention I say the man I live with. I have no husband yet. However, the man I live with has not cheated. Guess I am not the only [censored] here..... Excuse me? We were talking about YOUR physical needs not being met. No where in my post did I state I wasn't satisfied. Bitter by the way is way off, I have never been happier in my life.

I didn't call you a self indulgent bad word, don't call me a pig.
Snide is making fun of your husband's problem in public. PERIOD Some people laugh to hide the pain, that may be you. Laughing is healthy. Laughing at his cost is insulting.

I was hoping to remind you, but a person who doesn't want to see, wont see. I tried.
I don't think you are the one who needs to tell me to leave. I am not pointing fingers or insulting. You insulted me with names.

I read your post and I put myself in my man's shoes. I am not crippled and every thing is intact. I just wondered how my man would feel if i was you. I saw two ways to answer your post. I could answer as a sympathizing sister, or I could answer as a broken husband. Since you had enough sympathy, I chose to say what a man "may" be feeling. To be quiet honest I felt very selfish when I was trying to see it thru your eyes. The man I am so in love with is a very gentle loving man. He is also very insecure in his self image. I see him as a very beautiful person, and a loving soul. Adapting to his personality has made me a little hyper sensitive then. If I were feeling the way you do and saying things you have said I am only stating what I know my "husband" would be feeling. I also have a very vivid imagination, and can go overboard with the emotions others may be feeling. While reading your post I felt you were very frustrated and at your wits end, that I sympathize with. You also have issues with your self image, blaming yourself for his lack of interest at times. He is interested, and prays he will be able to show you before you give up....too late. However, I also feel there is resentment and anger, and desires of flesh, no matter the cost. I can't sympathize with that, only feel it.

A little test for you if you care to take.

Your husband is home, you are out shopping for one last grasp of enticement.
While in the rush of making the plans a perfect surprise for him you thoughtlessly forgot to clear the cache, and delete the cookies on your computer. On a notion your husband decides to see why you have been spending so much time on this computer. He happens across this site. Marriage Builders. He roams around with hope there will be a future. He ends up in the forums. Go back and read your forums and all post concerning them. This time read carefully not as you, but' as your husband. Can you put yourself in his seat as he reads? Can you put his emotions and his heart inside you long enough to read? If you can't see through him, you have failed the test. If you can see through his heart, make your next post his post. Do not include your own opinions to help your post lean toward you. His opinions should sympathize, but wont put his emotions aside.

You may not care to even correspond with me any longer. That is fine. (like you didn't have a choice:-)...) It would be interesting to see how deep your love truly runs. Like you said I don't know you and can't possibly after a few post. How could I? After your next post I will have a pretty good idea of what kind of person you are, and I will see what I perceived a cold heart, is actually a loving wife in a desperate situation.

Your turn.

Chestnut-

Go away.

Too

Too involved-

Not a chance!

Whoa man! Did this thread ever veer off into a bad direction.

Justin - as I told Too way back in the beginning of the thread- the reason I even mentioned my family members staying together 40 + years even though dealing with impotence was to ENCOURAGE her in the fact that just because this problem exists it doesn't have to automatically mean the end of the marriage.

I also said I wouldn't ask anyone to replace my opinion for theirs. Just offering it because she asked people to reply.

This thing with Chestnut whomever <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't know WHAT the heck is going on there.

Wow, way to attack someone when they're going through tough times. I may not totally agree with everyone else's opinion
(which is ok by the way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) but I will certainly not disrespect someone like that. That's just rude.
Maybe she's really having an off day and this forum just seemed like an ok outlet.
I dunno.
Too knows I don't mean any disrespect or ill towards her and only wish her the best.

Too, So sorry about the direction this thread took. As I said, I really empathize with your situation and I hear that you've really tried hard (no pun intended <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) to deal with this very serious problem in your marriage.

You said, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Other posters have said the same thing: SOMETHING is up with my H. (Or rather something ISN'T up. Ha!) So I wonder what it is that I'm not seeing. An A? A porn addiction? Sexual abuse in the past? Repressed homesexuality? Ugh.

Do you think your H was jealous over your old BF because he was projecting his tendencies to have A onto you, and assuming you were doing the same thing he was? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what your H's issue is. You're not a mind reader and shouldn't have to be a detective in your own marriage! He's withholding Honesty and Openness, one of the EN's most important to most women, by not sharing this with you, along with SF, Affection, and Family Commitment!! No wonder you don't feel you love him. Your Love Bank is empty. Thus you're very vulnerable and attractions to other men are normal, given your situation, but obviously very dangerous to your marriage.

I don't think you have to figure out what's wrong with him. I think you know enough to know there's a real problem without knowing the details. Before throwing the marriage away, you have a right to do what peachy suggests and ask for MC with MB counselor and MD evaluation of ED. Don't feel guilty for normal human feelings!! I can remember being guilt tripped by my H to hide his own guilt and how easily I backed down, trying always to please him! Where did it get me? I'm here, you can read my sig line, but I'll spare you the rest of the details!

In answer to your question, Yes, I do think my H was using issue of old BF to project his own issues with infidelity on to me and to push part of the blame on to me. But, I've figured out most of what was going on in hindsight because other people have shared details that were withheld during my M. Apparently WH has always had A's, even with GF's before his first M (this from his sister several years after he left).

I was not attacking her and I wont argue my point. Obviously someone in here cares about what the husband may think....

Hi, guys!

Thanks, TessW. and LetSTry, and really everybody else except Chestnut. The thread actually didn't veer off in a bad direction. Just one wayward poster did. Whatever. It takes all kinds, you know? Everyone else has been great. Thanks for your input - even if we disagree (nicely)!

Heh, Tess-

I emailed you back but didn't hear from you again. Did you get my message?

Too

Here's an update..Now that I've asked H to leave, he's suggesting he go on a diet and really try to lose weight. Weight is only one of the possible problems.

I'm a little ticked off that he's coming up with the idea (no matter how small) only after I take drastic action. He wants another six months. But I don't want to and even if I did want to, I'm not sure I have it in me. Which ones of you would give him another six months? Who wouldn't?

Too, It's a good sign that he wants to do something to try to save the M. But, an offer to try and lose some weight isn't enough. Tell him you're willing to work on the M, not just wait another 6 months, and follow Peachy's suggestion of MC and a doctor's appt. for him to find out if there's anything going on medically. No deal without some real action.