Ok, so I'm feeling a little guilty that something I just saw made me feel kind of good, but... It isn't that it makes me "happy" per se - in fact, it's really sad when you think about it, though I'm not feeling sad about it either. I'm just feeling vindicated....

My XH posted to a newsgroup. He was saying that his ex (not ME!!!! so it must be OW "soul mate" that is now an ex, which I hadn't heard yet) just found out she was pregnant, and she doesn't know if it is my XHs or "the other guy's." He was trying to find out if there is any way to tell who it belongs to this early in the pregnancy.

Unreal! That lifestyle is what he gave up a very faithful wife for? Boy, am I SOOOOO glad we didn't have any kids. What kid needs THIS kind of confusion in their life?

And once again, I am left feeling extremely sorry for one person in this whole big mess - and no, not me. OW has a child. What kind of turmoil must that child be living through? Last I knew, OW wasn't divorced from HER H yet, and I have no clue if the "other guy" is her H, or yet some other meal ticket she latched onto.

I know the healthy thing is to not even want to know about all this drama, but I'll admit, I guess I'm not quite there yet. I do think I'm getting healthier - there was a time, not to long ago, when I would have been laughing and happy about this. Now - like I said, it isn't happy or sad, just vindicated. And glad that I am seeing the craziness from the sidelines this time.

I guess I'm feeling a little sorry for him too (though not enough to take him back! too much happened in all this for that to ever happen.) I mean, how sad is that... to know that you left a W who was faithful, who was, in fact, fighting to keep you from leaving, and who, all the way along, said she was willing to work things out because she didn't believe in divorce. To know that's what you walked away from, and instead chose this. How sad is that.

Hi Penguin~

I keep waiting for the walls to crumble for the same reasons.
I offered the same to my x. Anything, just not to tear our family apart.

I wonder though, do you think you will ever hear from you x that he made a huge mistake??
I know I never will. He is so proud.

That is pretty sick that she is in the position she is in. Shame on her! I wonder if the other guy is married???

Glad you are in a better place now. It takes so long to get there it seems.

K

No, I doubt I'll ever hear that from him. First of all, he has never been able to admit when he is wrong - or at least, not to me he hasn't. Besides, I ended up having to refuse to even talk to him. I won't answer phone calls, e-mails, or anything. He kept trying to draw me back into the drama any way he could.

Funny thing is, I think the real reason he kept calling and bothering me (wanting things from the house, saying he needed to talk to me about a bank account which no longer even exists, stuff like that,) is that it DID help keep the two of them together. I doubt he would admit that, even to himself, but I could see it. They banded together against me, the evil ex-wife, who was vicious and vindictive. (In reality, all I was trying to do was get him to live up to and complete his obligations he had with me so that I could be completely out of contact with him.)

Based on what people around here say, I'm guessing that once I was able to take myself out of it altogether, and refuse to talk to him at all, they had little to hold them together.

And yeah, I'm pretty amazed too... how trashy is that, not knowing which man you were cheating with is the father of your child (or maybe the other guy IS her husband....even if he is, it's still pretty trashy if you ask me!)

Don't these people consider AT ALL what they are doing to the kids when they do this kind of stuff? It's one thing to be this sleazy with your own life, but to involve children in it too.... BTW, this OW also used her child (one she already has, with her H) as emotional blackmail... or should I say, tried to use the child as emotional blackmail against me, since it didn't work. Right after DD, when XH and I were trying to work things out, she called me, and one of the things she did was tell me how her child was crying for (then)WH, missing him, because child was attached to him. I have no doubt she used some of the same lines on WH(XH).

When we first got married, I didn't want kids. A few years in, I started thinking maybe I did after all, but XH never seemed to be willing to grow up enough, and I just wasn't sure I was willing to bring kids into it because of that. Boy, were my instincts correct. No kids is one of the things I am MOST thankful for in all of this.

Isn't it funny how they can justify ALL their acts. And they do, and worst, it actually makes sense, to them!!

Be glad you didn't have children in your marraige, now that it has turned out this way. I have two daughters, and it's so hard on them. They pretty much have adjusted, but they have paid a price for his choices.
And the OW's child pays an even bigger price.
She is faced daily with the choice the two of them have made. The things she tells my girls. It's sad!

I wonder in my case, what the glue is that holds them together. At this point, 3 years into it for them, I wonder if the LOVE/LUST has worn out. I hear from my girls how mean, and mad his woman is when they go. That tells me, paradise is cloudy!

For him, he must be living on eggshells, as he moved in with her. He has no place to call home should she decide she wants to try out someone else. I always wonder if he ever thinks about that.

Like you, I offered the moon, and was very faithful. But, that wasn't what he wanted. He only wanted her!
I guess after all this time, word has gotten around work and people know why the D happened and who at work his woman is. I guess they are stunned!
She is a tad trashy looking. Oh well, it's his trophy!!

I wish you the best, and for your X, may he like mine, feel some shame one day.

K.

Yeah, that was one that got me. OW definitely fit into the "white trash category" - though you could probably have figured that out given the situation I described, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The thing that really struck my mind today, however, was this.... I really do wonder if the "other guy" is her H. Last I knew, she wasn't divorced yet. If so, I think that's te one that must eat at my XH.... she actively worked to break up our marriage. The only reason he told me on DD was because she was going to, and he was beating her to it to do damage control. In the call where she tried using her daughter as emotional blackmail, she also basically told me that she wasn't giving him up, even though we had both said we were going to try and make the marriage work... all but told me she would be actively trying to destroy the marriage.

So how must that one feel - to have the woman who actively worked to pull him out of his marriage do this to him... and especially if it is with her H - it would mean my XH destroyed his marriage for her, but she still has hers.

As hard as it has been living with the divorce and all the thoughts I have, I wouldn't trade them for what must be going through his mind now for anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

They may still end up together again for all I know... but if they do, at least he will have gone through a little of what he put me through. Maybe I shouldn't want that, but I do.

And the thing is - it isn't that I don't want him to be happy again eventually, if he can ever manage to get his life straightened up. And I wouldn't take him back myself. I just don't want it to be with HER either, you know?

Though from what I've seen of her, living with her probably would be some real punishment for him. The one time I had to put up with her for any length of time, she was in my face, screaming at me and threatening me. All I could think was he was an idiot for standing there cheering her on, because he was looking at the treatment he would be getting every time he crossed her on something....

It's better than any soap opera - now that I don't have a part to play in it anymore! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

For me,
I used to want them to split up, but anymore, I really don't care.
From what I'm hearing, she is not the "perfect", "non expectation" kind of person that he made her out to be.
She seems to have quite the temper, and may be even miserable at times.
I think he deserves all of that! May he be happy with her!
However, if he did end up with someone else, I think it would be easier for me to accept that person better.
I still to this day, 3 years post, have not spoken to this woman. I have nothing to say to her, and will avoid her at all costs.
I don't hate her, but I have no respect for her.

Now for your X, wouldn't that take the cake! If he left you for her, and she "might" be preggers with someone else's baby, maybe even her X. Hmmm!
Not a good spot for your x to be in!!

Take care
K

The funny thing is, this thing has played out almost exactly as I predicted to him the first time we talked after he walked out. Well, not about OW getting pg and fatherhood being questionable - I was thinking real life, not "Jerry Springer." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know it's normal; they always think "it's different with us." But I told him that if he went to her instead, he'd just be living out the same problems again (and instead, he got worse problems!) But that he hadn't solved, or even figured out, what the real problems were, and that he would just be living them over again with her. I was wrong, of course, because I was always wrong with him.

Funny thing is - though I do feel vindicated that this has happened to him, and am somewhat glad (but I feel guilty about it,) I also worry. I also didn't want this kind of thing to happen. Why? Because I'm afraid he'll start up trying to make up to me. And I don't want that anymore. I'm not worried I'll give in... but I have at least progressed enough in my healing that I don't want to hurt him either. So, if he does start calling again, I'll have to tell him to leave me alone, and then I'll feel guilty about THAT!

Sheesh! That's the problem with having an analytical mind - you analyze EVERYTHING to death, think about every scenario. Add to it that I'm a worrier, and..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I forgot to add... it sounds like you've gotten to a pretty good place, Karona. I'm really glad for you. Every time I think I've gotten there, I slip back again... I think it's the old "two steps forward, one step back" thing. So, progress is slow, but at least there is progress.

Your x sounds similar to mine. I don't think I've ever heard him sincerely apologize and say he was wrong on something. So you may never see those walls crumble - he may stay just because breaking up with her would mean to him admitting that you were right and he was wrong.

For the same reasons, I don't necessarily think this is completely the end for my X and OW either. I think he'll keep crawling back to her as long as she'll put up with it, because not being with her means he chose the wrong one. When we were trying to reconcile, from everything he said, I never got the feeling it was that he was choosing her over me. It was that he didn't want to give up either of us until he was "sure" one of the relationships would work out. More than anything, he didn't want to be alone, and was afraid of choosing the wrong one and ending up with neither of us.

So I made the choice. He wouldn't give her up, so I was done with him. I definitely think pride, and not wanting to admit that all the people who told them they were fools were right, keeps these relationships going longer than they would otherwise.